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nour · 07-19-2021, 08:58 PM

Presenting to you all, the S60 All-Longest Names Team, consisting of the players with the longest names at each position!

At Left Wing, we have Salzberger Lillehammersson, with a monstrous 26 characters!
At Centre, it's Monsieur Pingy Pingu Lunga Gumba, Esq., with a whopping 33 characters!
At Right Wing, we've got Gabe-Gooney-Waters Harrak, what a player, this guy has 24 characters wow! Normally it would be Friedensreich Hundertwasser, but people with silent letters in their name are disqualified from the Right Wing category.
At Left Defense, we're bringing in Rovolio Clocksberg Jr, boasting a respectable 21 characters
At Right Defense, you know it's gotta be NeverBrokeAgain YoungBoy, wow 24 characters are you kidding me?
And finally, at Goalie we have Monster The Doctor, with an admittedly pathetic 18 characters, but goalies amirite?

**First GM in SMJHL history to win 3 Four Star Cups back-to-back-to-back**

Muerto · 07-19-2021, 10:12 PM

Non-Human Entity All-Stars

The following players currently in the SMJHL are representatives of the truly diverse nature of the league. All are surprisingly not human beings, as has been traditional in the sport of Hockey,
They represent the wonderfully inclusive world of our league and should be proud to break barriers and further the draw of the sport beyond our preconceived biases!

Grogu Mandosson - Anaheim Outlaws

A being of indeterminable origin, but quite probably related to Yoda. Obviously after Season 2, Luke Skywalker brought him to Earth to hide him away and train him in the lethal art of jedi hockey.

Adelie de Pengu - Anaheim Outlaws

A penguin on skates wearing a little helmet. It's adorable! Their little waddling skating stride! Oh wait, what's this one penguin up to? Oh my god it's after me! *crunch* owwwww

Towelie - Anchorage Armada

Very useful for drying yourself off when you get wet. Towelie is famous for getting high and having no idea what is going on. Somehow it seems to work out alright for them.

Duncan the Walrus - Maine Timber

Normally you would think a walrus would make a better goalie than a defenseman, but seeing this big lumbering beast come flopping at you while you're trying to get the puck out of the corner, well, it inspires a sort of bladder-curdling fear.

Melvin Majestik-Moose - Nevada Battleborn

Moose seem like very docile creatures but when you get close you realize they are huuuuge and plus they have heavy hooves and big heavy antlers, and can kill you while placidly chewing their cud. Do not disturb the wildlife!

Mew Two - Quebec City Citadelles

A pokemon with shape-shifting powers or something idk I'm too old for pokemon. Very good at hockey for some reason!

***Aleris*** · 07-20-2021, 02:54 AM

I bring you the All 69 Team. Every player proudly wears the number 69 on their jersey.

LW - High Haschdi Outlaws

Number: 69

"C" LW - Giannis Kroustis Whalers

Number: 69

RW - KEKW Kekkonen Raptors

Number: 69

LD - Maxwell Carrigan Battleborn

Number: 69

RD - Doug Glatt Battleborn

Number: 69

G - Toejam Picker Armada

Number: 69

Omniscius · 07-20-2021, 04:33 AM

Fuck

***Ace*** · 07-20-2021, 09:44 AM

Your SMJHL All Sweden

team!

F Tomas Lind Kraken

F Aleks Blaixstrom Kraken

F Bjorn Viggosson Outlaws

D Melvin Majestik-Moose Battleborn

D Adelie de Pengu Outlaws

G Willie Miller Battleborn

Two Squidybois, two Stinky Rams, and a couple of naughty naughty Outlaws.

DarkCanuck29 · 07-20-2021, 10:51 AM

The All-Shorthanded Offense Team, the team with the most Shorthanded Points this season:

LW - Jimmy Larkin-Conway

6 SH Points
C - Ahlo Kysoka

4 SH Points
RW - Greg Davies Scarecrows

3 SH Points
D - Eero Makela Kraken

3 SH Points
D - Melvin Majestik-Moose

2 SH Points

As Goalies SH points aren't properly counted here, I went with the Battleborn Goalie as it seems they might have the most chance of getting some points.
G - Willie Miller

Winnipeg Aurora Aurora

Lazyeye · 07-20-2021, 11:53 AM

The best of the worst - The starting line up for highest points on the lowest ranked team
Willie Wang Battleborn

- Winger
Jimmy Larkin-Conway Battleborn

- Winger
Ahlo Kysoka Battleborn

- Center
Maxwell Carrigan Battleborn

- Defense
Rude Sniff Battleborn

- Defense
Willie Miller Battleborn

- Goalie

Opera_Phantom · 07-20-2021, 03:03 PM

Today i have for you "the amazing great names starting with a J but also great and funny names as well"

Jeff Nips
Jingle McMonkeynuts
Jonny Tsunami
Josh Dolphin
Jorg Fuchs
Jmac NCheese

The opponents will be laughing too much, so they'll score easily

***Big Newff*** · 07-20-2021, 04:15 PM

I present you "Team All-Boxers"

Clifford Wilson - Falcons

(2W 3L)
Throat Goat - Battleborn

(2W 4L)
Bernard Metivier - Falcons

(1W 0L)
Randy Marsh - Timber

(1W 1L)
Jean-Locke Zidane - Armada

(1W 0L)
Iorek Byrnison - Scarecrows

Try and not drop the gloves in the game

TML99 · 07-20-2021, 07:13 PM

RW - Sam Stone
LW - Mark Pebble
C - Jack Boulder
RD - Greg Gravel
LD - Ricky Rock

This is know as the Toughest line in the SMJHL they all play for separate teams but when combined at the all-star game their only weakness is the opposing line....

RW - Henry Paper
LW - Jeff Pulp
C - Paul papyrus
RD - Larry Linestock
LD - Fred Sandpaper

Junior · 07-20-2021, 07:19 PM

I wanted to go a little off the beaten path with this idea. As a player who values big hits and being physical, I wanted to create:

Team F*$% You Up

C - Ville Kurri (131 hits)

LW - Artemius Nystrom (119 hits)

RW - Donald Trump Jr. (106 hits)

LD - Conner Tanner (227 hits)

RD - Randy Marsh (150 hits)

G - Willie Miller (42 losses)

As you can tell I constructed this team solely on the amount of hits that the players in each position had. Coming in at an impressive 733 hits, this starting lineup really knows how to throw the body. You might be wondering why I put Willie Miller in net, and that's solely because I want the game to get out of reach for my team as quickly as possible so that they have an excuse to goon it up for as many of the 60 minutes as possible.

the5urreal · 07-21-2021, 07:56 AM

The All-Precision Team

These guys shoot a lot. They also have a combination of opportunity, luck, love from the FHM gods, and a little bit of skill, giving them high shooting percentages. This list is based on players with the highest shooting percentages that have 150+ shots as of 7/20.

RW - Evil AllBran Berserkers

(17.3% on 168 shots)
LW - Jimmy Larkin-Conway Battleborn

(17.2% on 157 shots)
LW - Lev Lebedev Whalers

(16% on 175 shots)
RW - Ragnar Ragnarsson Whalers

(15.9% on 164 shots)
LW - Alexis Saint-Michel Whalers

(15.8% on 221 shots)
C - Ric Charlesworth Berserkers

(15.1% on 152 shots)

ephenssta · 07-21-2021, 01:42 PM

Worst shot conversion rate among D-men (minimum 50 shots):

Jannik Nordstern (158 shots, 1.9%)
Jamal Nightingale (53 shots, 1.9%)
Granny PanPan (214 shots, 2.3%)
Luka Kovacsova (73 shots, 2.7%)
Duncan The Walrus (67 shots, 3.0%)
Dobby Hintzkanen (90 shots, 3.3%)

Sure they're all defensemen who aren't good at shooting, but you gotta love those player names. Maybe our blocked shot numbers are better. Mine sure aren't though. Hang in there, fellas. It has to get better eventually, right? Right? :pepecry:

Slav1cThor · 07-21-2021, 04:04 PM

The team that is of all something team that is a team, maybe. This is a team that sometimes plays hockey that can but not always score goals win games and bang moms.

Smalliw Edac
Alexis Paquette
Big Newff
Luka Kovacsova
Michael Robertson
Rusty Remao

Lobbanet · 07-21-2021, 06:31 PM

Team penalty box

Throat Goat 73 PIM
Clem Fandango 67 PIM
Ahlo Kysoka 57 PIM
Conner Tanner 56 PIM
Randy Marsh 54 PIM
Matej Winters 51 PIM

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