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Courage in the name of Agony
#1

Where do I start with this, I finally had the courage today to speak to my family (outside of Jamar/BenDover, my brother) to talk about these past couple of months. I have decided to update my writing style to a "Unfiltered but also Does not care about hate" style. I talked about how emotionally devastated I was after the passing of my dear friend Emi, and how I never felt the same since that fateful day. I also talked about how I use these leagues as a way to find a "normal" way of life. Anything that’s told to be a normal is a lie. Normality is unique to everyone, and that everyone has their own tastes and views. Nobody should be criticized for what they write, unless it’s deemed to be threatening. I finally had the courage to explain the true meaning of these leagues were to me, and I also came out about my bisexuality. Ignore the haters, and embrace your ways, that’s how we improve as a community and give a voice to those who are fearful to speak. I have been too hard to myself for these past few years, and I have learned that I need to be a voice for those who have autism like myself. I’m considering writing a book for kids about my experience with autism and the joy and struggles with it. I have been mentally better since I’ve told my family and now I feel more connected and happy than I have been in a long time. If anyone wishes to speak to me, let me know.

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#2

I’m glad to hear you’re finding your way and I hope that more and more you’ll find yourself surrounded by people that understand and cherish you as you are Smile

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#3

<3

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#4

One of the strongest people i have had the fortunate chance to meet. Life often decides to kick someone when they are down. It throws you people who pretend to care, it throws setbacks in careers, in schools, in massive events. But you don't give up. Nobody should.

I am also glad to see you feel you can be so open about all of this to the populace of this site. To this community.
I admire that type of courage and strength. I am glad to have called you a team mate these last few seasons and, hopefully, a friend.

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#5

06-27-2022, 03:36 PMValorX77 Wrote: I talked about how emotionally devastated I was after the passing of my dear friend Emi, and how I never felt the same since that fateful day.

Yeah, I hear you. Loud and clear. I've gone through some extreme trauma myself, the kind that leaves you a shell of your former self. It makes you feel like you've been fundamentally changed as a person and there's a piece of you that's just gone. Sometimes I don't know if I'll ever get it back.

For me I think the healing started when I accepted the fact that it's okay to be broken. It wasn't easy mind you, and it took time as my ego didn't want to accept it, but after a lengthy wrestling match, I think I got there. That and self-compassion, like when you talked about not being hard on yourself. It sounds so simple, but for me at least, it was harder than a root canal. I've always been my own worst critic and I didn't realize how hard I was on myself. I'm glad you do, and I'm even happier these leagues mean so much to you. I'm delighted you've found that in your life!

So yeah, stay positive and only listen to the people who really matter. I hope you do write that book one day, as the struggles and joy of autism are well worth sharing. We need to hear those voices, and you could help so many, and the best part is - it kind of takes the sting out of all the pain 'cause it's no longer meaningless.

Be good to you!  Smile

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#6

07-07-2022, 05:05 AMjumpSeat Wrote:
06-27-2022, 03:36 PMValorX77 Wrote: I talked about how emotionally devastated I was after the passing of my dear friend Emi, and how I never felt the same since that fateful day.

Yeah, I hear you. Loud and clear. I've gone through some extreme trauma myself, the kind that leaves you a shell of your former self. It makes you feel like you've been fundamentally changed as a person and there's a piece of you that's just gone. Sometimes I don't know if I'll ever get it back.

For me I think the healing started when I accepted the fact that it's okay to be broken. It wasn't easy mind you, and it took time as my ego didn't want to accept it, but after a lengthy wrestling match, I think I got there. That and self-compassion, like when you talked about not being hard on yourself. It sounds so simple, but for me at least, it was harder than a root canal. I've always been my own worst critic and I didn't realize how hard I was on myself. I'm glad you do, and I'm even happier these leagues mean so much to you. I'm delighted you've found that in your life!

So yeah, stay positive and only listen to the people who really matter. I hope you do write that book one day, as the struggles and joy of autism are well worth sharing. We need to hear those voices, and you could help so many, and the best part is - it kind of takes the sting out of all the pain 'cause it's no longer meaningless.

Be good to you!  Smile
this is really well said! being vocal about it helps take away the shame and it’s good!

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#7

07-07-2022, 06:50 PMboom Wrote: this is really well said! being vocal about it helps take away the shame and it’s good!

Thank you for the kind words, and yes you're right, taking away the shame is so important. So many people are held captive by shame, it holds them in an unhealthy place where they're tormented by things from the past. If only we could learn to breakout and move forward.

All the best. Smile

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Maine Timber Alternate Captain!  Timber

Thanks to @Merica for the sig!

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