Dear Crab Camaro,
Thank you so much for writing in to Ask A Hockey Player. They gave me a lot of letters about tactics and form and skill, but your letter was somehow in there as well. I think it was a mistake, but I feel compelled to help. I know nothing about cars. I'm sure your carmero is very nice. But boy do I knew things that (should) live in the ocean. Crabs are hardy creatures. They are armed with natural knives and boy are they possessed with the desire to use them. The only way you can get your car back is via mind game. Make the crabs think you're scared. Go to the beach. Talk about how great the beach is. Around your car. Loudly. I promise you, after a few days of that, you will wake up and find your crabmero evacuated. As thank you, please purchase Manhattan season tickets.
Crabulations,
Aksel Fiske, Manhattan.