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Maxy · 11-07-2022, 06:46 PM

November 7th 2022, The Alamodome in San Antonio Texas

>Hello, ladies and gentlemen, thank you for stopping in, Tobias is currently in the back getting ready, he should be out any min... Oh as a matter of fact there he is. How are you

Thanks for the introduction, now please let the people see what they paid to see and step aside.

>Tobias, the event is just media, there were no tickets sold, nobody "paid" to see you here

Psh, speak for yourself. I sold at least 15 tickets to some kids at the rink earlier. Told them be here November 8th at 8am CST.

>But Tobias, it's the 7th, you sold them tickets to the 8th... We won't be here, and I don't think you will be either...

*Tobias snickers*

>Tobias, there's a marching band competition here tomorrow, don't you think the kids are gonna be sad when they get here tomorrow?

I'd say that depends if they like marching bands or not.

>But still, don't you feel bad?

In the words of Gandhi. Fuck them kids

>Oh... Um ok moving on, what made you renounce your commitment to Boston College and pursue a career in the SHL as opposed to the NHL?

Competition.

>Oh, so you think the SHL has a chance to compete with the NHL and you want to lead that charge?

*Tobias bursts out laughing* Oh dear god no. I mean there is NO competition here, I can coast and still be the best in the league. Plus, the pay is good. My manager has somehow already secured 30 million dollars for me for top of the line equipment, training, you name it. This league is gonna be the TWHL before long.

>Lemme guess.. Tobias Wrexks Hockey League?

Precisely. Tobias, gonna Wrexk this league with my luscious locks, and silky mitts, I'ma put that puck where mama keeps the cookies, she showed me last night when I was at her house.

>Your mother? Is she excited about your career choice?

No, your mother, she made me cookies, she wanted to clap some pucks on EA NHL, and then clap some cheeks in the bedroom.

>.......right, um, ok your manager is fairly well known around these parts, how long have you known him? What drew you to him?

I met Maxy back about 5 years ago, he was living some old man life, it wasn't him that drew me in, it was me that drew HIM in. I saw this old geezer

>5 years ago Maxy would have been about 25 years old right?

Yes... Old geezer. Now stop interrupting my story. Anyways. I saw this old geezer with his wife and kid, thinking he was happy, but deep down, under that smile, under the "love" was a miserable sack a shit, and it hurt, seeing this old timer who was so hostile and willing to stir up shit with anybody on and off the ice, now this beaten shell of a man. Disgusting.

>Have you considered maybe he's grown? Maybe he doesn't need to stir up controversy to get attention anymore?

That's kinda what he said, all I heard is "I'm old, I'm boring, look at me with my stupid happy life" though. I had to save him from himself.

>So what do you make of the reports that he saw a younger version of himself in you, and wants to stop you from the mistakes he made being a... Quote, Asshole, Unquote?

You say mistakes, I say triumphs.

>Right... Have any teams reached out to you about the upcoming draft?

Maybe, maybe not. I mean, I wouldn't blame them if they didn't, look at me! Most people are intimidated to talk to me. Not that they haven't reached out to me, but if they did... It'd probably be because I was intimidating them so it makes sense.

>Ok. So what do you want to let the teams know before the draft?

Anyone that passes up the chance to draft me will rue that day, but we all know that isn't gonna happen. I've heard some rumblings that we're all the way up to an (E5) that THE Tobias Wrexks... Will be going first overall to.... One of the teams. I told them, you're drafting me, and you're gonna like it.

>Gotcha... So who has the first overall pick?

Huh?

>You said you reached out to them, so who has the first overall pick? Who did you reach out to?

The Anaheim Outlaws.

>They haven't been a franchise in years

I don't think that's accurate.

>Alright then, what do you bring to a team that no-one else does?

Big booty babes, a Sams Club premium membership, soft pretzels and all 6 Jurassic Park movies... 4K

>I meant on the... I meant on the ice

On the ice I bring it all. Smooth flow, silky mitts, dashing good looks, a shot so accurate I could unscrew a bottle cap with a slapshot without knocking the bottle over, passing so good I make everyone else look like Stevie Wonder, and cellys for days

>I can't do this anymore, lets open the floor to the audience. Anyone with any questions for Tobias, one at a time please.

Merica · 11-07-2022, 08:33 PM

The LEGEND

Maxy · 11-07-2022, 10:43 PM

11-07-2022, 08:33 PMMerica Wrote: The LEGEND

No you boo!

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