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GeckoeyGecko · 12-25-2022, 06:03 PM

e e and the regina elk have prepared long and hard for the playoffs by doing copious amounts of hookers and blow, it would seem, because e e has completely fucking forgotten how to play the sport of hockey in round one. However, it seems like hes coming off of his bender now! Luckily for the team, it would appear that Gritty McGritterson skipped out on the festivities, because he still knows how to play everyones favourite sport.

I have it on good authority that e e is once again back to leading his usual team sermons before practices, meals, bedtimes, gaming sessions, intermissions, shots, saves, and just about everythign else. The soothing dulcet tones of his e - chanting are sure to inspire the team to play better as they head into round 2 and beyond. I forget who we're playing but im pretty sure we'll win with the power of e

***Rankle*** · 12-25-2022, 10:30 PM

Well, the Grizzlies didn't make the playoffs so Pork Tenderloin has decided to embark on an intense and immersive training regimen for the offseason. He's going to go to the woods for the next three months and live off the land as if he were a bear. Fighting, hunting, and eating animals with only his bare hands and rudimentary tools. This will strengthen his reflexes and athletic ability as well as give him better instincts in the future for identifying potential weaknesses and threats on the ice. Overall the goal of this regimen is to really immerse Tenderloin in the experience of being a Grizzly bear such that he can provide the most beast-like efforts on the ice during the coming season. He will stop at nothing to train himself and improve at the game of hockey so that he can be the best meat-themed player to ever grace the simulation hockey league.

Chomp Chomp Water Dog Barracuda

Scarecrow Noises Scarecrows

*Count Chocula* · 12-25-2022, 10:46 PM

Newfoundland just barely snuck into the playoffs after a very rocky start to the regular season. While it did take us a while to find our game, we were able to piece together a solid second half to the season. Entering the playoffs, we feel very confident that we have what it takes to go on a run and win the cup. We have perhaps the most dominant and streaky goaltender in the league with Tummy Hurts. He hasn't had a hot streak recently, which means he's due to start one now for the playoffs. It should also be noted that he has never lost an elimination game in his entire playing career. The team has also rallied behind CoGm Steve Harrington, as he announced this would be his final season with the team. With all the storylines surrounding our team this post season, it is almost a sure thing that the Newfoundland Bersekers will win the championship.

W:158

Tonzy · 12-26-2022, 12:21 AM

The Maine Timber have had their eyes on the playoffs all season long. The entire team has a huge desire to defend their championship and have been training night and day to make sure that they are ready to just that during the playoffs. One rather unique training program was implemented for the team this year as the GM Southpaw wanted to really push his team to another level. It is rumored that Southpaw got this idea from his new Center Mushu The Dragon but apparently next to the rink that the Timber practice at there is an arrow stuck to the top of a tree and the team are not going to be considered worthy of being champions until they can pull that arrow from the top of the tree with a couple weights tied around them. It is an interesting option but one that has become quite popular amongst the Maine Timber players and has them feeling more motivated than ever to win another Cup!

MCP_ · 12-26-2022, 01:44 AM

After last season, the Nevada Battleborn will attempt to make it past the stumbling block of the conference finals. To achieve this, they will be following the three basic tenants yelled constantly by Jølñgüštrâädæviñçh DuBølk in the locker room (much to the dismay of his teammates):

Firstly, be polite. Without the general courtesy of your team and your opponent, you will not win games.

Next, be efficient. A high goals to shot ratio is the key to winning any kind of game, especially hockey.

Finally, have a plan to kill (figuratively) everyone you meet. Jølñgüštrâädæviñçh DuBølk has a dossier on all potential opponents and their weak points. Someone having a hard time? Make it harder! Cat is sick? Make a puking face. Even the smallest of actions can have the biggest of consequences. If nothing else, it's an easy powerplay and a few bruises.

Despite how foolproof their plan is, the Battleborn are ignoring Jølñgüštrâädæviñçh DuBølk and simply are just gonna bring their A-game, get more pucks to the net, quick line changes, etc.

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