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MCP_ · 01-06-2023, 01:43 PM

1. Fan Appreciation Day
Your team is giving back to their supporters by holding a fan appreciation day for one of their games, where the team will hand out a special commemorative item to show thanks for their continued support of the franchise. You have been tasked to design the product to be given out to the attendees (can be a rally towel, foam finger, bobble head, etc.) Write a blurb about the item, including details on during which game was / will be given out.

During their first game of the playoffs against the St. Louis Scarecrows, the Nevada Battleborn held a body pillow giveaway to the first 5000 fans in the stadium. These pillows were randomized, so while many would just get a branded pillow, a lucky few received a full-sized pillow of Jølñgüštrâädæviñçh DuBølk in his full glory. However, if someone wanted something a bit rarer, they would be able to find a secret dealer and exchange the cover for a version with Jølñgüštrâädæviñçh DuBølk in a swimsuit from Sports Illustrated's Swimsuit Edition for 20XX, as long as they paid a small fee. (100 Words +2 TPE)

3. Secret Plans
It’s never too early to start thinking about how you’re going to gain a competitive edge next season! How is your team going to go the extra mile to get wins next season? Is it a secret training regimen? Sneaky equipment modifications? Booby trapping the visiting teams’ locker room? Anything goes.

With the Nevada Battleborn losing in the 2nd round to a beatable opponent in the St. Louis Scarecrows, the team realized they had a lot of work to do in order to make a deep playoff run again. To prepare, they had to do everything in their power: firstly, get pucks in the back of the net. Next, make good line changes. Third, play a full 60 minutes. Afterwards, they have to take it one shift at a time. If they lose, they gotta give credit to the other team where it is due. Beyond these changes, ya know uh... (100 Words +2 TPE)

4. Funtimes
You have been designated as the team's official Fun Director! Now, everyone is looking for some sort of fun activity where you all can spend an afternoon or day to chill, hang out and build some team spirit. Especially after a long and stressful season, what are your plans to ensure everyone has a great time?

With the end of the season for the Nevada Battleborn being a disappointment, rookie Jølñgüštrâädæviñçh DuBølk took it upon himself to cheer his team up. In order to do this, he spent the entire night organizing a theme park in his backyard aptly named "DuBølkLand." When the rest of the team arrived at DuBølk's house (they were under the impression they were going to Disneyland), the team was horrified to see what was in front of them: crudely made buildings made of plywood, a poorly made statue of Jølñgüštrâädæviñçh DuBølk at the center, and most insultingly, a concessions stand that sold Great Value ice cream sandwiches for 1 dollar each (max 1 per person). When 1st liner Alexi Piastri tried to buy an ice cream sandwich out of pity, he was promptly told by DuBølk (playing the minimum wage employee at the counter) that they ran out due to high demand (there were visibly open wrappers on the ground of the concessions stand). The only "ride" at this hellhole of an amusement park was a kiddie slide that lead into a small ball pit, which could only hold one person at a time. By the end of the night, Jølñgüštrâädæviñçh DuBølk was in the ball pit, quiet. The team might have been petrified from this experience, but the bonding experience this provided was unparalleled. Out of pity, forward Boom Stick bought Jølñgüštrâädæviñçh DuBølk a bigger ball pit and a slide, declining DuBølk's invitation to jump in the ball pit with him. (250 Words, +5 TPE)

9. What's in a Name?
A player name is the first of many steps that mark the start of a new SHL career. From meme names, real life references and parodies of hockey players, there are a wonderful assortment of names that can be found throughout the league. Which player(s) have the best name and why?

The best name in the league, of course, is FITTED *PRIMETIME99* CUDDLES. Child of Micheal Fitted and Ambacas Cuddles, their name combines the names of their parents, while also making sure that the rest of the league knows that they are made for PRIME TIME and 99 bud lights after 10 PM. The next best name in the league would be Jølñgüštrâädæviñçh DuBølk, who is very much NOT related to Jøln and Jöörgüštrâäd DuBølk (it's a coincidence guys). While both players are from different teams and coasts in this league, I hope they can combine their awesome power in the SHL. (101 words, +2 TPE)

17. Feedback
It's the seasonal feedback PT! For recreates, how was doing this new version of CW compared to the old one? Was the experience better, or worse? How were the PT changes? For first gens, you can also talk about your experiences with PTs in general too this season!

Overall, I actually enjoyed the postseason bonanza. It gives you a lot of flexibility in terms of topics, so instead of just doing the bare minimum on each task, you can dive deep into a topic and the effort would be rewarded. I'm very curious to see if this would be implemented in the SHL, since I'm pretty sure the SMJHL PT team is different (I forget). Regular season PTs were fairly standard to what I've seen before with my previous players. I can't really complain about any prompts, but I would like to see the hot takes mPT again if possible (102 Words, +2 TPE)

18. Milestones COMING SOON
You will have the opportunity to cover up to 3/16 TPE with milestones relating to your player's performance/accolades during the season. Link your post in the Milestones thread and post your comment in your CW reply to claim. They will come soon!

Link (+3 TPE)

Leoben · 01-06-2023, 05:58 PM

Quote:1 - Fan Appreciation Day

When Vancouver played Anchorage, Klaes designed his own Squishmallow to hand out to season ticket holders. His name was Willow the Whale. When asked why he chose the name Willow, Klaes just said it was the first thing he thought of that started with a W. Reception was mixed with adult fans but the kids seemed to love them. In addition to Willow, Klaes bought everyone in attendance tickets to see the new Avatar movie. Unfortunately, he forgot to check which format he was buying the tickets for. One fan was outraged and said he will be burning his season tickets. "I wanted to watch the new Avatar movie in 4DXPW VFR XP3 NL, but he only got tickets for 4DXPD VFR XP2 NL. I couldn't even smell the saltwater during the movie and it ruined the experience. Klaes is a joke of a player and I will not be attending anymore Vancouver games, ever." Klaes issued a public apology and the team promised that he would not be in charge of fan appreciation events in the future. Hundreds of Willow Squishmallows were found in the dumpsters outside the arena. When asked to comment, Klaes said "This one is on me, I'm clearly out of touch. I don't think there's been a miss this bad since U2 put their album on everyone's iPhone."

228 Words +4 TPE

Quote:3 - Secret Plans

Vancouver have an uphill battle to be competitive next season but it isn't out of the realm of possibility. While rebuilding through draft picks is the ideal way to rebuild, things have gotten desperate for the Whalers. Their new plan involves overthrowing the update team so all updaters will be Vancouver players. They will not do anything egregious but it might go unnoticed if the shave a few TPE here or there off of a rival's update and tack on an extra point or two to their own player. Over time this will give them the competitive edge needed to make a deep playoff run.

107 Words +2 TPE

Quote:4 - Funtimes

Putting Ashford in charge of anything has never been a bright idea but the team insisted that he take point on a fun weekend. Before the playoff series against St. Louis, he bought Death Nut Challenge tubes for the entire team. Results were of course disastrous and the team barely made it to the first game of the series on time. Line changes were frequent and St. Louis players were actually concerned for the health and safety of the players. When questioned after the game, Ashford, with sweat dripping from his face and keeled over in pain, said "It was a great bonding experience and I think we all learned a valuable lesson. Stop putting me in charge of things." Vancouver lost the series 4-1 after five games.

129 Words +2 TPE

Quote:12 - On The Radar

Klaes Ashford did what was expected of him this season and not much more. Drafted 7th overall by the Vancouver Whalers, it was a solid choice by the rebuilding team. And if you're looking for someone who will just get the job done, then Klaes Ashford may be the player for you. But if you're looking for someone to take your team to the next level, you may want to really consider this selection. Sure, he'll work hard and say all the right things, will slot in fine, but that's really where the magic seems to end with Ashford. He's not going to lead the charge and get people motivated, but he will show up and do his job. I wouldn't say he's a bad pick and you may wind up in a position where he's the best option available, but he still has some serious question marks that need answering but I'll go all in on him.

167 Words + 3 TPE

Quote:14 - R&R

Klaes was definitely ready for some time off after a season that had plenty of ups and downs for both him and the Whalers. It was a much needed break for him and the entire team. After being bounced early from the playoffs, Klaes took a few weeks off. First he went home to Australia before going on holiday to Ireland where he joined up with some players for some off-season training. Slowly he started hearing from scouts and since then he's been trying to get his name out there, make sure people know who he is. He started hitting training again last weekend prior to the draft so he's ready to go for next season. Over the holidays he did get out some, mainly spending time with friends and family. It was jarring going from the holidays right back into the swing of things but such is life and the way of the league.

158 Words +3 TPE

+2 TPE - Milestones

AJK987 · 01-06-2023, 07:44 PM

Playoff bonanza answers

1). Fan Appreciation Day
For fan appreciation day we will be handing out signature hockey pucks randomly assigned To fans with all of the players signing them so they the fans get a special keep sake and for when some of the teams players make it big and become superstars they will have something they can show friends and family for a long time with how they got to be there and see them play before they became what they are today. This will also create a fun experience for fans and players to get to meet and chat after the game and build even more of a connection and support for the team which will only help grow the fanbase

Word count 118

2). Looking Towards the Future
Overall I felt that our team was fairly good as a whole bit a very rough start of the season left us in an uphill battle to make playoffs which we ended up doing however the biggest weakness that we had during the season was depth scoring as we overall were not getting enough production away from our star player and for the team of improve me to year we will need to find some wether that’s with young players improving like myself or through new recruits that bring more of an offensive punch that will help lead this team to a much better season next year.

Word count 108

4). Funtimes
Overall I would look to create lot of team building activities that would include paintball which help will help with comrodery and team strategy. Additionally I would plan for multiple team dinners and NHl 23 tourneys in order to allow some time to chill and just chat and Hangout with the team under less stressful situations then during game time

Word count 60

7). Four Star Showdown
Overall I felt that our team the berserker’s would win the cup mainly do to our team getting hot after extremely slow start to the season and I felt that our team would have a special road to the cup similar to how the St. Louis blues did in the NHL especially with our 2way approach and physicality

Word count 58

12). On the Radar
When it comes to Ryan McKennedy he is a big hard nosed Center/winger that like to play a strong 2way game with a physical edge especially around the net he also possesses soild offensive and defensive instincts and an above average ability to get himself open for a shot. Additionally he is also a strong face off guy however where he struggles is his skating as he is neither as fast or as strong as most teams might like and it affect how effective he can be from game to game however he seems more then willing to put the effort in to improve and will be a great fit for a rebuilding team that wants to help him improve and needs a player that brings an edge to their lineup

Word count 132

13). Superstitious
While my player does not know of anyone else’s playoff superstitions the ones that Ryan follows is that he always eats the same meal before game time which is a homemade batch of seafood Shepards pie that has shrimp and salmon in it so that he always has energy for game time

Word count 52

14). R&R
In the offseason I spend my time resting mainly by spending time with friends and family as well as playing video games and trying to go see new places that I have not been to as travel has always been a passion of mine and something that really helps get my mind off of hockey so that when I come back I’m ready to be all in and do whatever it takes to help my team win games.

Word count 78

15). Charity Drive
My player always tries to do the most that he can to help the less fortunate and the charity that he spends the most time helping is with sports central which is a charity that helps to provided equipment and such so that everyone has the ability to be active and play sprouts that can help them make life long friends and learn valuable life lessons and as such my player always tries to donate what he can to their charity as well as help out the in their warehouse building as well as donates as many tickets for games as he can so that kids that normally don’t get to experience the thrill of watching hockey games in person will get that experience so they can feel the thrill he did when he first went to a game.

Word count 139

16). Goals
Overall while my career is still young my goals would obviously be to get into the hall of fame as that’s everyone’s dream but I want to win a selky and be remembered as the guy that when the team needs something wether that’s scoring a goal or shutting down the other teams best players in the dying minutes that I’m the guy they send out because I was always there to do whatever it took to help the team win

Word count 81

17). Feedback
Overall with my first season my experience with TPE has been ok as I find it’s not a bad system but the process of earning it and making sure you get credit for it can sometimes get Inconvenient and discouraging which can lead to short spurts of inactivity due to not wanting to or not having enough time in order to fill out the tasks that are chosen

Word count 68

*Zerg* · 01-06-2023, 08:58 PM

1) Fan Appreciation Day

Fan appreciation day at the Colorado Raptors arena at the end of SMJHL season 68 could have been charitably described as an utter shitshow. 'Fuckin gongshow, eh', one teammate summarized after requiring this reporter to sign a legal document guaranteeing his anonymity. Another, slightly less paranoid teammate concurred after a verbal promise to the same effect, which this reporter hopes is noticed is honored, 'I don't know if we're ever going to be allowed to do something like this again. Might've been the last fan appreciation day we're ever going to have at the arena. I wonder if they'll move us to the public park next year.' Rookie goalie Grzegorz Brzeszyszczykiewicz remained missing in action at the time of the interview, but was discovered two days later, upside down, in full gear, stuck in a shipping container full of illegally imported firearms.

Eastern Europe has been a rather lively place in this past year of our Lord two thousand and twenty two. Poland, while they will threaten violence upon being referred to as 'Eastern Europe' and instead insist upon 'Central Europe' as a term for some obscure historical reason no one on this side of the Atlantic cares about (possible exception granted for those who still actually belong to Polish Heritage organizations with neither irony nor obligation involved), has proven no exception in this instance. A tremendous amount of ordinance funneled into Ukraine every single day through their shared land border has put the Poles somewhat on edge. This has even reached the ranks of the SMJHL, in which Mr Brzeszyszczykiewicz spent the year, and because of which he and his org are currently trying to contract every lawyer in the state of Colorado.

But let us return to the scene of Fan Appreciation Day with the Colorado Raptors. The event started innocuously enough, much the same as it had any other year, with blue and gold banners hanging between Denver skyscrapers, lending the city a festive air and rendering its utterly byzantine highway system even more impassable than usual. Mr Brzeszyszczykiewicz was, as my son would say, 'vibin' on top of a closed overpass near the Raptors' arena. Much of the local goalie talent had fallen in love with their unpronounceable Polish newcomer, a season that would've been mediocre by professional standards here constituting a generous exceeding of expectation, and for this reason among others his chosen overpass was rather crowded on this particular Fan Appreciation Day. Unfortunately for Denver's netminding talent pool, this also prevented Grzegorz from noticing a trio of tall individuals in ski masks making their way through the crowd.

Denver emergency dispatch received their first "shots fired" call some ninety minutes after fan appreciation day got underway. A Broncos fan who had no idea what ice hockey was described the situation thus from his car stuck in the gridlock below:

"Hi, yeah, there's some asshole with a gun on the overpass ahead of me. I think it's an AK47 or something? He's shooting into the air. There's a crowd up there, everyone's running. I think I can hear him shouting but I can't hear it. What's that? Yeah I'm westbound. There's some kinda big building to the right, maybe it's a basketball stadium or something? I don't know, basketball's for [anti-Italian slur redacted. This reporter cannot explain the caller's association of basketball with Italian-Americans.], I only watch the Broncos! Let's ride, baby! What's that? Oh, the shooter! Yeah he's fighting some guy now. Yes, fist-fighting. The other guy's wearing some stupid suit, he's got a mask on that looks like a tennis racket had a baby with a football helmet and the tennis racket hit the vodka too hard while it was pregnant. No, he's wearing this blue and gold shirt, looks like some kinda jersey. Yeah, that sounds right. What's a hockey? Sure, sure, just send the cops here before this dude picks up his gun."

By the time the police arrived, two of the three masked individuals and Mr Brzeszyszczykiewicz had vanished altogether. The one arrest made turned out to be one Vladislav Vasiliyevich Sukachev, a Russian national in the United States illegally. He was subsequently transferred to FBI custody. Two remaining gunmen, presumably Russian federal agents, remain at large. The public is urged to exercise extreme caution when dealing with anyone wearing Anaheim Outlaws jerseys. Mr Brzeszyszczykiewicz has since been accused of an arms dealing operation smuggling American-made semi-automatic rifles out of the Rockies to Ukraine. It remains to be determined whether the US Federal Government will press espionage or larceny charges, but this reporter has received the anonymous tip that the CIA considers the situation to be "absolutely fucking hysterical" and will recommend to the Denver district attourney that no charges be filed.

Colorado Raptors management declined to comment. An anonymous member of the coaching staff suggested attempted blackmail by the Russian government, but concluded with the following: "Dumb Russkies actually sent me pictures of myself banging two model-lookin chicks in Moscow back in 2005. Like I give a fuck. 'Oh no, the whole world's gonna see pictures of me with two of the hottest Russian chicks you'll ever see in your fuckin life, whatever will I do! Fuck, I'll be getting free beers for weeks if those morons follow through."

[880 words for one prompt. You're welcome.]

charlieconway · 01-06-2023, 10:05 PM

Quote:12. On the Radar
Write a pre-draft scout report on your player from the perspective of a journalist covering the prospects of the S68 SHL draft class. What do possible SHL suitors have to be excited (or perhaps wary?) about when it comes to potentially drafting your player?

Strengths:
- Positioning. Hidden deep somewhere in the recesses of his mind is a framework for angles and spatial relation that help give Charlevoix the instructions needed to maintain an effective angle against shooters. Though not quite at the level of an SHL goaltender yet, his positioning is among the best in the SMJHL level, as a 17 year old.
- Poise. The Vancouver Whalers did not manage to turn heads in the S68 post-season, but in the limited showings from Noah Charlevoix, scouts were assured that he had the nerve to deal with big occasions. This will be something fleshed out in the future as the team builds itself up into a contender and maybe even a favorite with some deft drafting.
- Drive to Win. It’s often said that the most important aspect of a young athlete’s mentality is a will to succeed, a hunger to improve. A common refrain among teammates and management is that the young Canadian netminder is always looking to improve and shore up weaknesses in his game. He holds himself to a high standard, and that’s something that bodes well for his potential.

Weaknesses:
- Skating. If there’s one major flaw in Charlevoix’s game, it’s mobility in the crease. When the opposition gets him moving on his skates from post to post, gaps start appearing in the form of his equipment, sometimes allowing sneaky shots to find their way through via shots that ordinarily wouldn’t threaten a goaltender with better mobility.
- Puckhandling. Popular now are goaltenders with the ability to play as a third defenseman almost, streaking from their crease to help break up a forecheck by coralling the dump-in and playing it to a teammate defender. There’s no such hope for Charlevoix, who lacks the dexterity and confidence with the puck on his paddle. With work there may be a chance to turn this from a glaring weakness into a minor one, but he will never excel at moving the puck.
- Motivation. Perhaps the most glaring red mark on his record, Charlevoix has a tendency to dodge the question when asked about his goals moving forward into the SHL and professional part of his career. He seems nonplussed about the SHL draft and didn’t even show up to the combine, leading many to believe that he may focus on other pursuits once his SMJHL career is over. Time will tell, but it doesn’t look promising.

[405 words]

Quote:16. Goals
Although your career may still be in its early stages, it's still a great time to think about the future. What are some goals you have for your career, or some personal goals for the site? Are you striving for a HOF induction? Getting a site job?

This is a fun situation because I get to treat my career like an actual player would: with no illusions about any guarantee of a future, and with a focus on making money to support myself. I started this player with the goal of easy earning to 425 tpe and accruing as many sim bucks as possible, so that I’d have a less stressful time with my next player, one I plan to take all the way to retirement.
Back when I had Adam Barron, I found myself flush with cash to start my career but then in the middle stretch I’d barely be able to make ends meet, and by the end I was actively avoiding paying for offseason training on a player that had up until regression earned literally every single TPE possible.
I want to be able to put the same amount of money into my next player, so that’s why I’m focusing mostly on taking money making opportunities on Noah Charlevoix. Any TPE past 425 is useless since I have no intention of unbanking or playing for an SHL team, and I’ve gone into this career knowing that it’ll end much sooner than most of his draftmates. In a way, that’s refreshing.

[206 words]

Quote:18. Milestones COMING SOON
You will have the opportunity to cover up to 3/16 TPE with milestones relating to your player's performance/accolades during the season. Link your post in the Milestones thread and post your comment in your CW reply to claim. They will come soon!

Claiming +3 TPE

Quote:Fan Appreciation Day - 3 TPE
Your team is giving back to their supporters by holding a fan appreciation day for one of their games, where the team will hand out a special commemorative item to show thanks for their continued support of the franchise. You have been tasked to design the product to be given out to the attendees (can be a rally towel, foam finger, bobble head, etc.)
GRAPHIC: Include a picture of the item and at least one SMJHL logo; must look like you at least kinda tried.

Graphic: Refrigerator magnets to be given out on the last day of the season.
[Image: BmtHA5N.jpg]

*Count Chocula* · 01-07-2023, 12:26 AM

Code:
2. Looking Towards the Future

As we near the end of S67, the SMJHL draft will be happening soon. Going into next season, what are your team's biggest needs and areas of strength? Do any holes need to be filled with call-ups? Do you have a position that is incredibly stacked? Give us all an overview of your team, from top to bottom.

The upcoming season for the Newfoundland Berserkers should see the storied franchise make its next step back to glory. Many key players are returning, while several young rookies will only grow their game in their sophomore season. Newfoundland also recently replaced part of their front office, dropping some dead wait in the war room. While the team is improving there are still some holes in the lineup. Newfoundland does not have a bona-fide #1 center, and the depth at the position is lacking. The goaltending situation has been tumultuous at best.

Centers:

JOHN HOPOATE: Newfoundland didn't have many options at center, so rookie Hopoate took the top slot. He got a ton of experience playing against the league's top players, and put up great rookie numbers. He looks like he will grow into the top center, but may need another season.

JACOB FOURNIER: While naturally a wing, Fournier slotted into the second center position. He put up decent offensive stats. However, being that he doesn’t have much experience at center, his defensive game and face off skills are severely lacking.

RYAN MCKENNEDY: A late addition to the team after training camp, McKennedy filled out the 3rd center position. He had decent offense, but was much more of a traditional defensive center. If he can expand his game he will be a good depth shut down forward.

Left Wings:

MATISS OZOLINSH: With a huge breakout season for Newfoundland, Ozolinsh will be a key player moving forward. He doubled his point production from his rookie season. If he keeps progressing the same way, he will be a superstar.

GUINNESS O'BIGBERS: While he did improve since his rookie season, O'Bigbers had a lackluster season. He missed nearly all of training camp and vanished from team activities for a short stint. Hopefully a renewed focus can get him back on track.

GRIMMJOW JAEGERJAQUEZ: A late round steal in the draft, Grimmjow had a strong rookie campaign. Many teams are probably kicking themselves for passing on this talented winger. He has a good shot and will add to the much needed scoring for Newfoundland in the future.

Right Wing:

BRENNAN KENNEDY III: The Berserkers MVP. Nearly notching a point per game for the struggling team, Kennedy was a huge reason they made the playoffs. With some progression from his linemates, he should have more support moving forward. With stronger team around him, his play should get easier as he's not carrying the team each night.

ANTOINE BEAUREGARD: The former first overall pick had a strong rookie campaign as well. While he only scored 13 goals he did rack up 160 hits. His physical play is there. With some focus on skating and his shot he should develop into a premiere power forward.

TIMOTHY JIMOTHY: Another surprise player from the draft stepping up in his first year. Jimothy was an anchor on the 3rd line and produced well better than expected. Only 1 point behind Beauregard is another steal for the Berserkers.

Defense:

PHILIP FRY: The anchor of the Newfoundland blue line. He had a terrific sophomore season. He doubled his point production, as well as improved on his defensive play. He excelled at possession and with the team improving around him, he should be able to develop into an all star quarterback.

OTTO STEINBERGER: In his 3rd season with the club it seems like Otto has hit a wall. His numbers haven't improved much over the years. He is however a solid defensive defenseman as his block totals have gotten better. It seems if he can stick to a simple game he will be most effective.

LESTER OIDUSER: in his sophomore season, he was mostly the same. Lester isn't going to dazzle you with skating or playmaking. He will however cause turnovers with his defensive vision. He too will benefit from simple game.

Goaltending

TUMMY HURTS: There are times Tummy looks like a legit number one goalie. Mostly there are times he looks like a beer leaguer. He did however have a good postseason performance. If he can take that into next season and be consistent, he would greatly help the team.

W:687 (+13)

Code:
18. Milestones

Link +3

GeckoeyGecko · 01-07-2023, 02:44 AM

milestones 3 tpe

On the Radar:

Scouts seem to be in complete disarray as to what e e’s simulation hockey league future truly holds in store. On the one hand, every single scout surveyed to a man insists that e e is absolutely one hundred percent going first overall in the season sixty nine simulation hockey league draft, with multiple suitors vying to trade for the minnesota chief’s (MIN) first overall draft pick. However, many scouts also are disparaging towards e e’s actual hockey skills.

“He’s a bum.” said Jonathan Eats A Bag of Dicks With His Breakfast Cereal, a reporter noted for having a very long name in no way designed to boost wordcount for a point task in the simulation hockey league. “e e is simply not a good hockey player. You have got to put a y between the i’s (we can only assume he meant e’s here, but Jonathan Eats A Bag of Dicks With His Breakfast Cereal is not a simulation hockey league scout known for his shrewd wit or intelligence, at least not in a positive light.) He simply doesn’t pass the eye test in any meaningful way. The kid’s not cut out for life in the simulation hockey league, he should stay down in the simulation major junior hockey league. His mentors, Simon Takshak and Tokek Takshak, were both middling at best. A real star should have trained this kid, somebody like Rafe Ulrich. (@Raven idk why i remember your players name was he even good?)”

Most scouts, however, are far less vitriolic in their attacks.
“He could be pretty good, to be honest.” Said not hamilton scout Definitely Not @Hallsy With a Fake Moustache and Glasses. That’s all one name, its weird, we all know. Definitely not Hallsy With a Fake Moustache and Glasses continued, mentioning how advanced stats such as Game Rating, Defensive Game Rating, Takeaways, Hits (classified as an advanced stat under the 14th codice of Regina law), and especially Offensive Game Rating backed up the idea of e e being a potentially game breaking player. Definitely not Hallsy With a Fake Moustache and Glasses continued on, saying that he was sure that next season, the floodgates would open for e e, and regina fans would rejoice. “He’s not a call up to the full big simulation hockey league right away, you know. Regina fans will get to see him in the simulation major junior hockey league for awhile yet.”

But there still yet remain two things that prove that not only is e e the best player available at first overall, but also the greatest moral choice available to any team, regardless of their locker room composition. The first are the truly advanced stats, the ones that remain invisible on such petty sites such as the simulation major junior hockey league index, stats such as e and e/60. e e blows away the competition in e/60 in particular, sitting atop the league with no challengers coming even close.
“He may be the greatest pound for pound e/60 performer ever created.” said @operation ivy, otherwise known as simulation major junior hockey league jfresh. “My fancy player card says that he is blue everywhere and that is good. It’s like he was born in a lab.”

And then there is also the matter of team spirit. Not general locker room chemistry - but the actual souls of the team. What other simulation major junior hockey league prospect can claim to be a licensed priest and prophet for not only sixty nine different world religions but also the one true religion, that of the great e? How many other simulation major junior hockey league prospects can claim to be able to save a team’s immortal soul, banish demons such as real jfresh, and break fhm curses with a single word? There are none.

e e is the only correct choice for first overall.

(650 words, 13 tpe)

16 tpe total

***Seany148*** · 01-07-2023, 03:03 AM

Funtimes
You have been designated as the team's official Fun Director! Now, everyone is looking for some sort of fun activity where you all can spend an afternoon or day to chill, hang out and build some team spirit. Especially after a long and stressful season, what are your plans to ensure everyone has a great time?

Maine is known for its fun locker room, and it doesn’t change, even in the playoffs. As such, a ton of activities will be planned for the boys. First off, we’re gonna have some fun game nights with professional Mario Kart gameplay, as our alumnis, our management and our players love this game. Those evenings would strengthen our links and cause hilarious rivalries due to some blue shell action. The locker room might split into two sides, the rookies and the vets, so Ozolins, Tingle and Bergy could cause some chaos with coordinated attacks on unsuspecting players. Then, we’d surely have some Call of Duty games, to see who has great aim in hockey AND video games. On a more classic note, we’d have Pokemon tournaments as we have a few amateurs of that game. Who’s actually good at it, now that’s a great question! Another activity we could have is a visit to the spa, to relax the boys and calm the bodies stressed by the season and playoffs. It is a no-brainer and an usual activity, but that’s no fun, so that’s where I come in and suggest mini-golf! You heard that right, some mini-golf that will totally embarrass some members of the group with somes misses. That’s pretty much it! (213 words)

On the Radar
Write a pre-draft scout report on your player from the perspective of a journalist covering the prospects of the S68 SHL draft class. What do possible SHL suitors have to be excited (or perhaps wary?) about when it comes to potentially drafting your player?

Edžus Ozolins is a force in the making. He possesses a big frame and isn’t scared to use his body to defend the puck, sometimes getting a little too aggressive and taking penalties. His shot is not bad at all, even though it’s not as good as he’d like it to be, and while his hockey IQ is fine, it has left a lot to be desired. While Ozolins is not the best right now, some scouts believe he is a late bloomer and will blossom into a star in a few years. His current low level of skill will soon be replaced by an unstoppable force and an incredible team player, who puts teammates first. Edžus is not your 1st overall pick, nor is he close to that level, but remember this name, because when he’ll reach the SHL, he’ll do wonders for whoever drafts him. He also doesn't need a big contract to stay with a team with his high level of loyalty, making him a possible steal on the salary cap side. An upcoming hybrid between a big power forward and an accurate sniper, with a touch of a two-way player and a grinder, Ozolins will absolutely give you a run for your money in the future, with the strength of a horse and the precision of an Accuracy International AWM, but you’ll have to be patient, he’ll age just like fine wine. This latvian behemoth is set to become a successful player at all levels, regardless of where he plays, with incredible off-ice qualities that will be appreciated by any teammate. He just has to stay focused and not get overwhelmed, and you’ll get an incredible gem with a later draft pick. The future is bright for this kid, and he has all the tools needed to perform at a high level. (306 words)

14. R&R
It's almost officially the offseason. Whether you just won the cup or didn't even make it past the first round of the playoffs, it's time to take a break and look toward the SHL draft. Tell us how you're spending your time this offseason, whether it be with family or friends.

Ozolins isn’t from a very rich family, and has two brothers and one sister. For the offseason, he decided to fly back to Latvia to spend time with his family as he’ll never forget the sacrifices made by his parents as well as his older brother learning him hockey and practicing with him all the time when they were young. He has a strong sense of loyalty and family, so it comes as no surprise that spending time with them is a priority for him at any given time. After he spends time with his family though, he’s back in North America, training with teammates and getting ready for the draft. He also has plans to hang out with some teammates, like Tingle and Bergeron, as he grew close to them during the regular season. Going to the movies is always an option, but some partying might make the cut with this group of teenagers. (152 words)

16. Goals
Although your career may still be in its early stages, it's still a great time to think about the future. What are some goals you have for your career, or some personal goals for the site? Are you striving for a HOF induction? Getting a site job?

Ozolins thrives on hockey, and he has a very organized and logical side, so he could very easily become a management team member in an SHL or SMJHL team, and maybe even a Co-GM at some point after he retires. He would love to leave his mark in a team’s history book with some records, but that’s not his ultimate goal. He would rather win collective awards with his personal recognitions list being empty than ending up with no cups and being a selfish puck eater. An HOF induction would be a living dream because of what it involves and would certainly be an end goal, but it’s not the number one priority, though it is up there in the top achievements for Edžus. A site job would also be fun, and a media side job to Edžus would be something he could definitely do with his great writing skills. (150 words)

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