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skyrrhawk · 10-19-2023, 01:57 PM

Why, you might ask? Why the adoration for a goaltender who’s just, comparatively, not that good? A guy with a career .426 win percentage, a 4.26 GAA, an .886 save percentage, and just five career shutouts up to this point? Why have the current crop of Citadelles rookies spawned a Net Man hashtag to drive their Cup run? Why name a whole SMJHL division after him?

Because who gives a shit, that’s why. (And because his current career rating is a 69. Nice.)

To quote beloved Quebec City GM @RAmenAmen:

"What else is there to say about Net Man? The heart and soul of the locker room, the Citadelles' veteran netminder has gathered a cult following over the last few seasons, quietly stepping in to help the rookies while adamantly denying any leadership qualities of his own."

It’s very simple, really. It’s vibes. It’s purely vibes.

Net Man is the SMJHL equivalent to a beloved middle reliever in baseball, a guy who isn’t really a superstar but draws the adoration of fans and teammates alike regardless of numbers or awards. Therefore, it’s only natural that a cult of personality should spring up around him, akin to those surrounding a legendary journeyman reliever or a popular but fourth-line defenseman.

At some point, you have to think it’s not about the player anymore. It’s about the mythos they spawn and the impact they have on a group’s culture. And Net Man certainly has both mythos and impact.

If you enter the Citadelles’ locker room before practice or a game, you can often hear their (massive) crop of rookies chanting for their beloved goalie captain, much to his dismay; many a reporter or journalist has overheard his despairing pleas for them to please, for the love of God, cut it out and be normal for once in your lives. They simply do not care.

Often, the rookies can be spotted posting #DoItForNetMan on Chirper at odd and random times of the day. Rumor has it that first-years Celeste Desjardins (“Celly”), Juan Tymer (affectionately known as “Beer” by his teammates), Froya (“Froyo”) and Sonja Solberg, and Abdi Smokes (the newest addition to QCC’s nest of chirping insanity) have designed and purchased matching “Do It For Net Man” shirts to wear to the rink on game day, and that the team may be aiming to turn that same phrase into their playoff slogan as we head into the final stretch of the season.

Furthermore, it has been rumored that the rookies have been frequently inserting their beloved captain’s name into copypastas and memes; a source from inside the team has sent the following examples.

From Tymer: “Net Man isn't just a goalie he's a feeling. The feeling you get when you go to Dennys at 9 am on a Sunday after celebrating a cup win with the team the night before. Net Man is the moment you take that first sip of coffee and taste the bounty of your grand slam. That is Net Man, and that is why he's my captain.”

From Desjardins: “Net Man saved one and I was like, 'Hell yeah.' Net Man saved another one, I was like, 'Hell yeah.' Net Man saved another one and I'm like, 'Daamn.' Then Net Man let one in and I'm like, 'Ah damn.' Very next shot, he stood on his head, I'm like, 'Hell yeah.'"

(In this author’s humble opinion, Desjardins’ could have been taken straight out of a game intermission interview; it reeks of Hockey Speak™.)

Also from Desjardins: “If Net Man has a million fans, I am one of them. If Net Man has 5 fans, I am one of them. If Net Man has one fan, That one is me. If Net Man has no fans, I am no longer alive. If the world is against Net Man, I am against the world.”

From F. Solberg: “If Net Man doesn't win the most underrated player does that make him tied for most underrated player since the one that won the award is now rated properly?”

(She has a point with that one, but unfortunately, that isn’t quite how awards work.)

The team’s rookies can also frequently be heard declaring “One hour until Net Man takes us to Denny’s!” before home games, sometimes at volumes exceeding their locker room music. (Team Denny’s trips are a tradition for the Citadelles following a shutout win.) The Citadelles have two shutouts this season. One is Net Man’s; the other belongs to rookie goaltender Fergus Stewart, one of the few inactive and uninvolved QCC “owlets”.

A fellow reporter by the name of J. Prenote has noted that the large majority of QCC’s team at this point acts much like the seagulls from Finding Nemo or the aliens from Toy Story, often following each other to chant or repeat the same phrase; the most commonly heard ones include “Do it for Net Man” and “Rookie Dad”.

This author and J. Prenote also have bets down on which Quebec City S73 rookie will be the first to pull a Net Man card once his SHL trading cards go into production.

According to the organization, Net Man is “an integral part of this team and this franchise, and is definitely not Tyler Ward with a mask.” They have refused to give any further comment on the player or his final season in the J, despite this author’s multiple attempts to reach them for comment; the only response that was received was “We refuse with prejudice”. (That seems to be a favorite phrase of the Quebec City GM’s Office this season.)

Another rumor flying around is that the rookies are at the very least joking about planning a coup in which Quebec City is promoted to the SHL, and the Montreal Patriotes demoted to the J.

Quebec City leadership has also declined to comment on this particular situation. With prejudice.

The author of this article personally believes this idea is influenced by Desjardins and S. Solberg, both known to be avid consumers, fans, and players of soccer (or football, depending on where you hail from; this author will happily argue the etymology of both names if anyone chooses to take issue with either one). As the promotion/relegation system is most common in that sport over most if not all others, it logically follows that it would be these two players at the center of any plot involving the system.

But this article isn’t about the Citadelles’ plots, or Desjardins and Solberg (as fun as it is to write about their locker room rivalry and the fact that Desjardins is far and away the league's leading rookie point-scorer). It’s about Net Man, and the confusion that seems to endure around the league over his uncommonly large and looming presence amidst the team.

So where does this adoration come from? It seems that a large number of the Citadelles rookies are on their first time through the system, and so it follows that they would fixate on a locker room leadership figure like Net Man. It’s not too strange, if you think about it, especially since the easy gelling of this rookie class has led them to quickly and jointly spawn these running jokes and frankly somewhat cult-like behavior. QCC itself seems to encourage this odd approach to teambuilding, but it works for them, so this author will refrain from criticism.

Net Man himself, despite his disdain for the treatment he receives from his rookies and his displeasure with receiving this season’s C, remains a stalwart fixture of the team’s locker room and culture. He encourages improvement in his players, particularly his rookie second-line D-pairing of Tymer and Leo Roze (the much-discussed “Latvian duo”), often telling Tymer to “BLOCK MORE”. (Tymer’s retort, according to this author’s source, is “No, that’s what you’re for.”) He has also been noted to have told the team’s rookies to push “fighting to 55” upon their asking for advice; QCC players have only engaged in two fights this season, both losses. Neither of those fights involved a rookie.

Net Man has also been overheard declaring “ROOKIES, WE’RE GOING TO WAR.”, though no one outside of the organization is quite sure what he means by that; it’s been overheard before games, which seems to make sense, but has just as often been overheard at random times on off days or even after wins. He has also been heard declaring the Detroit Falcons to be the “shittier birds”, and that they are a rival team because of that.

Are Quebec City’s rookies weird because of their Captain, or have they driven their Captain insane over the course of this season? Drop your opinions below! We'd love to hear your thoughts on the matter.

In the end, the genesis of the hashtag #DoItForNetMan, at the very least, is simple: the team wants to win a Cup for their much-adored goaltender before he graduates from the J and moves on, where they will eventually have to face off against him. They may struggle to deal with that inevitability once it comes to pass, but they seem to have decided to cross that bridge when they come to it, however many seasons down the road that is.

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