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"The Tampa Bay Barracuda are so bad, they are dragging down the entire SHL"
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MarshiRegistered Member
Hi there, to all the folks watching. It's me again... Marshi. I'm sorry for the ragebait title, I promise, this will not be about taking shots at Tampa Bay. But first things first, today it will be a little bit different. As you can see, today I am alone. Shiny Rainbow is not here with me to do this. With the SMJHL Playoffs starting on Monday she has to practice her ass off. The Owls are very serious about winning a second Four Star Cup in a row and it's pretty much cup or bust for them. With current betting, 2/3 of all bets have them winning the cup and the other 1/3 are probably trolls who don't care about their money if you ask me. But this time i actually don't want to talk about the SMJHL, the Quebec City Citadels or Shiny Rainbow. OK, maybe this is still a little bit about Shiny but at least she is not my main focus today. I'll recap her season after she brings home that second cup hopefully.
But before we get to the main story today, i want to advertise myself a little bit. As you know, for the first time in her life, Shiny Rainbow has played an entire season as a center. Yes it's about Shiny too.... again.... deal with it! And one of her main weaknesses when she first tried it out was, that she was freaking terrible at faceoffs. So... As the faceoff specialist that i am, i was practicing taking faceoffs with Shiny a lot during the offseason and see there: She had a 53,3% faceoff win percentage. Which among all Centers who took at least 500 faceoffs, puts her at 20th in the entire SMJHL and in 1st on the Quebec City Citadels. So if anyone out there needs to get better at taking faceoffs.... You know where to find me. And please bring cash, lots of cash. Don't forget that. Now let's get to my main story for today. Even though I'm still terrible at it, i have been playing SHL Fantasy this season again. And at some point of the season ,someone in my league made a very interesting statement which my memory is maybe spicing up a bit: "The Tampa Bay Barracuda are so bad they are dragging down the entire SHL and they have only won 4 playoff series in the last 10 seasons." Now based on this statement i was asking myself: Are they really that bad? And is winning only 4 playoff series in 10 seasons really that bad? There have to be teams who have done worse, right? And that my friends, is what i want to present to you today: Who is currently the worst team in the entire SHL in terms of playoff success? Who is actually dragging down the entire SHL with their lack of performance. And for that, i did a little research and I have created a playoffs success ranking for the past 11 seasons. Now those of you, who are very into stats and history will ask: Why 11 seasons? That seems arbitrary. Also if you want to roast the Tampa Bay Barracuda, they are still at only 4 won playoff series even if you go back 13 seasons! I have chosen to include the past 11 seasons: Season 69 to Season 79, simply because i wanted to choose the highest number of seasons possible that leaves at least one team with a big and depressing ZERO at the end. And because we want to find out who is the absolute worst, who is the current biggest looser of the SHL, we will start at the top of the ranking with the most successful teams. But because there is one thing that matters even more than winning playoff series.... And that is winning cups! The top of the ranking is sorted by total cup wins over of total playoff series wins. Let's go! 1.)  New England Wolfpack: 3 Challenge Cups, 23 Won Playoff SeriesThe New Wolfpack are without a doubt the most successful franchise of the past 11 seasons. They have won the most Cups and they are tied for the most won playoff series. But they have failed to add to that count in both seasons 78 and 79. However they have the home ice advantage in the first round in Season 80 against Toronto to put an end to this still short drought. 2.)  San Francisco Pride and  Los Angeles Panthers: 2 Challenge Cups, 13 Won Playoff SeriesThe defending Champs and Season 80 favourites are 2nd on this list already despite winning absolutely nothing from Seasons 69 to 73. But now they will try to add their 3rd cup in only 5 Seasons. The Panthers have also been a very recent dynasty. They managed only 3 won playoff series in seasons 69 to 74 but a surprise cup win this year would give them 3 cups in only 6 seasons. 4.)  Philadelphia Forge: 1 Challenge Cup, 23 Won Playoff SeriesTied for first in playoff series wins the Forge seems to go deep every season, but they just can't finish the job. Their only cup of this stretch was the very first season 69 and in season 78 they collected their first and only 0. But are they actually that good at going deep into the playoffs or are they just cherry picking their playoff opponents every single season? My good friend Shiny Rainbow was able to leak some statements of suspicion about the end of the season performance of Philadelphia to me. Out of the Powerhouse Atlantic Division, which they dodged via a loss to a basement team in Chicago to join the super weak North East via wild card, these comments were leaked to me: "we got the atlantic half of the bracket, we're so dead. Lucky Philly" "What the fuck was Philly doing that they couldn't get ahead of us?" This gets even more interesting because it is the Tampa Bay Barracuda they are dodging and the statement about Tampa Bay being so bad to drag the league down, actually came out of Philadelphia. Is Philadelphia scared to face Tampa Bay in a playoff series? Are they scared they'll have to eat their own words? Or was loosing to Chicago just a lucky coincidence? We may never get to know now! 5.)  Winnipeg Aurora: 1 Challenge Cup, 18 Won Playoff SeriesIf you are surprised by this placement that's because the last time the Aurora even won a playoff game and not an entire series, was in season 77 and it was just one. They are also not part of the Season 80 playoffs. However they had "better" but also even more sad times in the past. From Season 69 to 71 they lost 3 Cup finals in a row before getting their only cup in season 72. Then they lost a fourth cup final in season 74. In other words: Winnipeg is the best team in the league in loosing cup finals. 6.)  Edmonton Blizzard: 1 Challenge Cup, 11 Won Playoff SeriesYes the Blizzard who failed to make the Playoffs for 5 seasons in a row now, while collecting a -717 combined goal difference have somehow won a cup in the past and were actually good once. I am surprised too. 7.)  Buffalo Stampede: 1 Challenge Cup, 9 Won Playoff Series Please change your center ice Logo. I still get nightmares from that one. It haunts me. 8.)  Texas Renegades and  Atlanta Inferno: 9 Won Playoff SeriesWhile Texas has been really good and is going deep into the playoffs since season 74, Atlanta seems to loose in round 2 every single season. However with their Season 80 performance a lot of people believe that they have the best chances to upset the defending champs and bring home their first cup of the considered time span. 10.)  Baltimore Platoon: 7 Won Playoff SeriesWe are still at the top half of this and already at only 7 won playoff series in 11 seasons? That bottom half is going to be a depressing one... 11.)  Seattle Argonauts,  Hamilton Steelhawks,  Chicago Syndicate and  Tampa Bay Barracuda: 4 Won Playoff SeriesSorry Seattle, your Challenge Cup win in season 68 doesn't count so you are with the losers. At least you are among the best of them. Also Tampa Bay being tied for 11th isn't really dragging down the entire league. There is still worse to come on this list. 15.)  New Orleans Specters and  Montreal Patriots: 3 Won Playoff SeriesSince a player from the Specters was the worst performer on my fantasy team i think i should have done this list before the start of the season to know better. 17.)  Calgary Dragons and  Minnesota Monarchs: 2 Won Playoff SeriesCalgary won more playoff games against the defending champs last season than all the other teams combined, taking them to game 7. But they will have to achieve a lot more this season to get out of this success basement. And there we are: At the very bottom of this list. There are only two teams left and i promised you at least one will wear the depressing ZERO. 0 won Playoff Series in 11 seasons.  The Toronto Lighthouses... eh i mean North Stars and the  Manhattan Rage. Which unfortunately is the SHL team with the rights to my dear friend; Shiny Rainbow. I hope she doesn't watch this too soon. This could be depressing. Both teams however made the playoffs in season 80 and have the chance to put an end to their playoff drought. But it's not a fair battle to escape the ZERO. Toronto will face New England in a matchup that only combined for 114 points during the regular season and a -111 goal difference. This is by far the weakest matchup of the entire first round and whoever wins the other matchup in the North East: Buffalo vs Philadelphia will get the closest thing to a free path to the conference final. Wait a second. Philadelphia? Interesting. But to be honest, I wouldn't be able to play in Buffalo, that center ice logo is way too distracting. I'd rather play the most stacked All-Star teams every single round than having to look at this monstrosity. The Manhattan Rage meanwhile will face the Tampa Bay Barracuda in a matchup that combined for 170 points during the regular season and a -119 goal difference. The 2nd toughest matchup of the entire first round only behind the other Atlantic Division matchup: Atlanta vs Baltimore. So Whoever wins this one, probably gets to face the regular season champions Atlanta Inferno in the second round. Both teams will be the underdogs in their first round series. Manhattan was the better team during the regular season but they also play an a lot tougher opponent in round 1 than Toronto.But what if both Toronto and Manhattan loose in the first round? We need to know who is the ultimate looser of the SHL right now. Who actually drags down the entire league? Whose playoff drought is longer? For that we now have to look at season 68. Do i hear any Seattle fans cheering? Nevermind! In Season 68 The Toronto Light Houses won their last playoff round against the New England Wolfpack in the first round of the playoffs. How fitting, the last time the leagues least successful team won was against the leagues most successful team. And now they are playing them again in round 1 to end their drought. Shit.... Now i already spoiled the outcome.... Where is Shiny when i need her. Can't do this alone again. Well surprise... Manhattan made it to the Season 68 Challenge Cup Final and lost to Seattle in 7 games. Yes you are allowed to cheer now Argonaut fans. And with that: Congratulations to the Toronto Light Houses! Currently you are the ultimate losers of the SHL, who drag down the entire league. Even though i personally think loosing in game 7 of a cup final and never win again after that is even more depressing. You better start winning again before Shiny gets there Manhattan! Let's go Rage I guess? And with that I'm out. Thanks, bye and see you again next time: Hopefully with Shiny Rainbow on board again. Disclaimer: I hope no member of any team i roasted is mad at me now. I had fun writing this and i hope i stirred up some fun rivalries and well mannered trash talk for the playoffs. Thank you for reading and feel free to roast me back. (2154 words)
trellaRegistered ambacas
lukeSHL GM Admiral of the Data Seas 
kahriSMJHL GM Queen of Wiggles
By-TorWinnipeg Aurora Jack of All Trades
MarshiRegistered Member
You are correct there, but since i don't know the rules about editing Media before they are graded i'll leave it like that. But the Winnipeg Aurora are indeed part of the Season 80 playoffs facing off against San Francisco. What a lousy mistake i made there.
Also i should add: The line off succescion for worst playoff performer by most consecutive seasons without winning a single playoff series will be: Toronto -> Manhattan -> Seattle -> Montreal
Atheist_CaliphSHL GM Formerly Gyro_Hero
01-13-2025, 02:42 PM
(This post was last modified: 01-13-2025, 02:43 PM by Atheist_Caliph. Edited 1 time in total.)
6.)
Edmonton Blizzard: 1 Challenge Cup, 11 Won Playoff SeriesYes the Blizzard who failed to make the Playoffs for 5 seasons in a row now, while collecting a -717 combined goal difference have somehow won a cup in the past and were actually good once. I am surprised too. Edmonton is a sleeping giant, ready to crush the other teams beneath its feet. Slowly. I mean c'mon guys we're still getting there give us a few more seasons c'mon now >_<
"That way - no, no, a little to the left!" "Oh, shit, not like that wait no -!!" crash!!! "Oh god Cake is gonna hit me again" :'0
Seany148SMJHL GM Grandfather of the Rats 01-13-2025, 02:42 PMAtheist_Caliph Wrote: 6.)Real ones remember the godly Blizzard
39alaska39IIHF Federation Head Not a Commissioner. Shh!
I remember when Chris York was carrying Toronto to playoff wins every year
Alex Winters (retired) Matej Winters (retired) Dominik Winters S45 Jesster Trophy Winner Challenge Cup Winning Goal Club: S52
bluesfan55IIHF Federation Head Too young for this shit |
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