Task One

"Welcome everybody to Game One of the SHL Finals between the Minnesota Chiefs and the Calgary Dragons. I'm Kenny Albert and I'm joined here tonight by St Louis Scarecrows defenseman and Dragon prospect Otis B. Driftwood "

Otis: " Hey there Kenny my boy. How the hell are ya?"

Albert: " Uh good Otis, I'm good. So what do you think we can expect tonight from these two squads?"

Otis: " Oh, I imagine they're probably gonna play hockey KenKen. Hey did I ever tell you about that Icelandic prostitute with the one leg that used to live above me at my old place. This chick, well she would take her prosthetic leg off and let you rub your"

Albert: " Yes, what a kidder you are Otis. But maybe we shou"

Otis: " Naw man, I'm not kidding. I'm telling you this girl was a freak. She could only get off if you stuck your shlong right into"

Albert: "So sorry to cut you short there Otis, but we ave going to throw it over to special reporter Slappy McDoodle downstairs"

Otis: "Slappy McDoodle! Oh wow man, that dude is a legend. I heard he'd let those LaFlamme girls stick their hands straight up his"

Albert: " Down to you Slappy"

Task Two

My unsung hero of the playoffs would definitely have to be Esa Anrikkanen's personal physician, Dr. Ira Feelgood. Doctor Feelgood is an anesthesiologist well known for his liberal use of the prescription pad. There isn't an ailment in existence that the good doctor can't set right with a regimen of pills and ointments. Since the start of this year's playoffs, Dr. Feelgood has already dished out over 500 Demerol and an additional 100 Percocets to the Dragons. This is, of course, in addition to the special parms that the good doctor and Esa have been perfecting together over the last decade and a half. Dr. Feelgood also is known to carry around a bottle of MacDouche scotch with him most places he goes for "medicinal" purposes. Little to no credit has been give to a man, without whom, the Dragons players can barely get out of bed in the morning. Dr. Feelgood has always kept a low profile though, especially when various debt collectors, ex-wives and A.M.A investigators come snooping around.

Task Four

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Task Six

Both goaltenders in this final have done an outstanding job. For my money though, you just can't beat a Dick, especially a C.Hocolate one. Dick, or as I call him, One Eye Willie has stayed erect throughout the playoffs, He has powered his way through every boundary he has come across in order to achieve his goal of total playoff penetration. Never before has any one Dick got so deep into an opponent's head. It's fair to say the main thing on the Chiefs minds these days is that big C.Hocolate Dick. Everywhere they go all they think of is Dick, Dick, Dick. He's a pretty loud and outspoken guy too, especially when he has to carry his own equipment. In fact, given Dick's propensity to spout off and drop his load just about anywhere, Dragons players have started to wear protective gear such as earplugs and occasionally raincoats into the locker room. It's not at all a stretch to say that Dick has dropped his load at the feet of almost every Dragon player in the hopes that's one of them might carry it for him. I guess you could say he's been rubbing some people the wrong way.

Task Nine

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