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Wawazat · 02-18-2019, 09:05 PM

"1260 Sports radio Edmonton takes you live to the steps outside Rexall Place where the attorney for Blizzard draft pick T.T. ..what's that name? ...
Program engineers microphone comes on
"It's Wawazat."
"What was that? "
"Yup"
"Yup?..that's a stupid way to spell Yup"
" No it's Wawazat"
Waaaa?
" ...wazat"
"Wait...you're saying his name is .."
Program engineer cuts the host off and says loudly.
"Wa Wa Zat"
" Oh ...okay, I mean that makes more sense. ANYway, we'll take you out to this right after this word from Molson Canadian and Depends Adult diapers..make that incontenece garments." The host believing they gone to commercial shouts through the glass .."Damnit Chuck, Not my fault I never heard of the fuckin guy?"

1st Commercial rolls guy belches out the words Molson Canadian.

2nd Commercial rolls Grandma complaining about the fact the game has to be paused every 5 minutes cause Grandpa has to piss. Sales voice pitches the New improved Depends diapers for the SHL fan in your house NOW with your SHL favorite team on the leak proof outer layer. Commercial ends with Granpa shouting "Go Blizz!" Followed by an incredibly accurate wet fart sound.

" And we're back on 1260 Sports radio Edmonton ..as they set up for this press event on the steps of Rexall Place ..it's interesting to note that the Blizzard having recently completing a grueling Playoff campaign that resulted in a thrilling 7 game series win for the Blizzard and the S45 SHL Challenge Cup. Barely had time to relish in the moment and then it was on to the S46 SHL Draft a draft where the Blizzard because of their incredible performance would draft last in every round...Are they set up yet? no?..what the fu...dge.
Ok , So in the draft the largest in my memory with the SHL expansion teams now included... We're led to believe it went extremely well according to all reports considering our team the Blizzard had 0 picks in Round 1 ...0 picks in Round 2 ...and 0 picks in Round Three.
In Round 4 the Blizzard finally went to the podium and announced their selection a Fourth line center from the back to back 4 Star Cup champion St. Louis Scarecrows ..a relative unknown kid by the name of 'Tiger' Wawazat...
And I'm getting the sign the press conference is about to begin."

[Image: giphy.gif]

The sounds of a bitter cold wind wiping past the mics and then the the opening statement by attorney Turd Ferguson doing an unmistakable imitation of Burt Reynolds.

"Yah..hahA. Piece of chewing gum in his mouth. I'm Turd Ferguson I am Mr. Wawazat's representative in this ..this thing between him and the Blizzard. Blizzard yah, hahA that rhymes with Lizzard ...that's funny.
Ok, it's apparent in speaking to my client"....
(distracted by a female reporter) "Hey how you doing sweetheart? "
She gives him a sour look and Turd jumps back into his statement..
..My client has been injured by the incompetent and financially destructive early selection of ....my client...".
( again distracted by a female reporter)
"you look great today in that ..Eskimo parka..you wanna rub noses?"
Momentarily lost Turd looks out at the freezing breath of the gathering news media.
"Where was I? "
Several freezing reporters murmur the answer out of mic distance..

"That's right my client was repeatedly ranked last by every major scouting service prior to this draft and it's an insult to the Twenty nine (inflated figure-an attorney privilege) other players who were unjustly diminished by this ridiculous selection. "

Turd smacks his gum and looks around doing his too cool Burt imitation.

"My client wants every one of those draftees to be up rated by Edmonton management and that he be financially compensated for lost endorsement opportunities that were already in negotiations with and had my client Mr. Watzhisname been selected in his appropriate draft selection slot would have been worth a shit ton of financial well being. The conservative total is 12.8 million."

Turd shivers and realizes he can see his own breath.

"Ok, I'm cold why it so cold ..."

Reporter shouts out "CAUSE ITS FUCKING EDMONTON IN FEBRUARY ..TURD!"

"Oh..hahA ..that's right..."
(distracted by the female reporter to his right)
"You ah..you wanna take me home and we'll redo Smokey and the Bandit.
You can be Sally and I'll be that cool guy...Turd Ferguson.
Ok, my client will be back soon from the World Juniors Championship and we feel if the items we are seeking are agreed to By the Edmonton Blizzard then my client will report..
If NOT then in the words of my client Mr. T.T. Watzhisname ...
.......FUCK THE BLU TOY DOGS!!!

Thanks for your attention."
(distracted by a female reporter)
"..You wanna see me jump a bridge in my Trans Am ?...How bout I jump you in my Trans Am ?"

(840) draft media x2...?!?