Episode 1 - Dean and Dick and the Case of The Burrito Bandit

No one knew who had suggested this, but it can be assured, no one asked for it. The adventures of the beat reporter, stalker, drinking buddy, and personal escort, take that last thing as you will, of the revered and legendary, Colt family.

Original, Shivers was the reporter for the Prince George Firebirds, before moving onto the big leagues and attending to the Wolfpack, however, in his departure from New England, Dean the First kidnapped Shivers and brought him to Hamilton with him, where he was kept and trained to obey.

That was twenty-six years ago, and if you could imagine a cross between Ozzy Osbourne, Bob Barker, John Dunsworth, and Keith Richards, well, that would be a good looking dick shivers. Most people who see him sleeping, assume he is dead, even going so far as to call the coroner, who is familiar with him by now.

Anyways, we come to the point in our story, the very beginning of Detective Duo, Dean and Dicks Direct Detective Delving Dispensary. It was suggested, they needed more D to get everyone’s attention and they kinda went overboard and had too much D, and well, too much D, is just painful.

So this morning, we come into the arena, and of course, we find that Tommy Tuck is being his usual primadonna self, yelling and ranting that someone ate his frozen burritos that he had in his locker, and that he was refusing to put on his goalie pads until the culprit came froth and replaced his burritos.

Of course, Dick got wind of this, and immediately he was on the case, searching through lockers and every nook and cranny, before Dean shook his head and looked at him.

"Someone ate them, Dick"

" you can't be too sure, someone could be playing a prank"

"Fair enough, but would you want to listen to Tommy bitch on purpose"

"That's true"

Dean looked around the room suspiciously, eyeing every person. Of course, you had Tanner, and Tuck, the most likely culprits, however, they weren’t in the arena yet, so his attention turned to Cuddles and Pepperoni, then to Rockefeller.

He never quite trusted that Rockefeller fellow, he reminded him of someone, a Rembrandt, or a Max, or something along those lines. Perhaps he would call up his good friend and fellow detective, Rex Banner, and see if he knew something about it, however last he heard, he was heading to Springfield to take care of the failing police department there.

Snooping around, he managed to find several Mexico leaflets around the locker, Rockefeller is going to Mexico on vacation? Hmm, maybe he couldn't wait any longer to have himself some Mexican food.

What desperation though, frozen burritos are barely passable as sustenance, let along classified or claimed as some sort of ethic food, hell, you couldn’t even be sure what sort of meat was being used in them, and if you ate them, it was best not to think about it at all.

Looking over the jersey, he found a small smear of what looked like hot sauce, and he walked away just as Hercules entered the locker room, letting out a tremendously loud fart.

"Those were smashed bean burritos, Dick" Dean whispered to Dick
" Yes, they were, you suspect Herc?" Dick looked at him cockeyed
" At this point, it points to him, but it seems too easy, it could very well be a framing"

Almost on cue, Tuck and Tanner waltz in, eating Chinese food. Something seemed a bit fishy about that, like they were trying to draw attention away from themselves.

A little while later, after a short private conversation, he learned that they were both tremendously drunk, and looking to sober up with the Chinese food, and was also why they weren't here earlier.

This was getting much more difficult, as he looked around, judging each person, he only saw those who were quiet and not really down for this sort of thing and honestly knew better than to fuck with Tommy, who was a superstitious and paranoid goalie, who believed every and anything affected the puck, except his own skill, and that was usually in question as he had confidence issues this season, after shitting the bed during the first few games, with expectations high and he playing like ass.

None of them seemed the type to fuck with him, so this got even more confusing. It would not be the trainers, or the coaching staff, it had to be one of the players, it just had to be…

He looked around at the rest of the team, they just didn't seem the type. Maybe Truong, but he was a rookie, he wouldn’t do anything this brazen on his ow---

and then it dawned on him, it wasn't just one person, it was two. He looked around and saw Truong, just sitting there avoiding eye contact with anyone, and kinda half smirking. It disappeared upon seeing Dean looking at him and became a look of fear once Dean sat down.

"Who put you up to it"
"Tanner and Tuck"
"Those fuckers"
"Where is it?"
"..."
"Oh god."
"Yeah"

Dick distracted Tommy, while Truong took the burritos out of his jockstrap and placed them in Tommys hockey bag, with the rest of the team barely noticing what was going on, eventually everyone settled in and began to get dressed for the game, Tommy reaching into his bag to pull out his pads, instead pulls out one of his now unthawed burritos.

"Well I’ll be damned, sorry guys, I guess I forgot it in here. These aren't half bad cold, anyone want one?" he said with a smile as he took a bite from the end that was near Truongs right testicle at some point not three minutes prior.

And thus, the Case of The Burrito Bandit ended.

Join us next time, for

Dean and Dick, Direct Delving Detectives!

Episode #2