An Impromptu Interview with Prospect Troy Reynolds

Q: Troy, thank you for joining us. My first question is about your upbringing. Where did you grow up, and how did it shape you as a hockey player and as a person?

A: You're welcome for gracing you with my presence. I grew up in the mean streets of Manitowoc, Wisconsin. Every day, I would see these people doing horrible things that you couldn't even imagine witnessing. Jaywalking. Littering. It was a sick, twisted place. And I had to grind every day to get better. So I could leave that dump of a town. You couldn't live in such a harsh environment, Jeff. It takes a toll on your soul and I only made it because I had the mental fortitude that others in this draft lack.

Q: My name is Greg, but I'll let that slide. It appears you would describe yourself as tough and willing to grind for success. What effect did your parents have on your hockey career?

A: Well my mom never wanted me to play hockey. Something about concussions and all that whiny crap. My dad was always pushing for me to be better. It was borderline insane. One time, when I was a kid, I was late covering the blueline and the defenseman scored. The next thing I hear is my dad yelling from the stands "YOU LAZY ********, COVER YOUR MAN! I DIDN'T RAISE A FAILURE, GET YOUR **** TOGETHER OUT THERE!". It was hilarious because they ended up kicking him out. I think my mom's disdain for hockey and my dad's insane obsession with it is why they got divorced. No biggie though, living with dad probably helped me craft myself into a two-way forward. 

Q: If your father demands defense, why don't you check your opponents more often?

A: Well he also preaches discipline. You don't need to just destroy a guy to get the puck. That's why Bobby Orr invented poke checking. I block shots, I make it difficult for any offensive pressure against me. I can't take penalties, I'm too valuable. The team needs me out there.

Q: Well if discipline is a major part of your game, how do you explain your fights in the game against Eagle River last season? Also, I'll need to fact check that Bobby Orr claim

A: That was different, he was trash talking my girlfriend. I mean she's my ex now but you can't let some Eagle River punk talk trash on your girlfriend. Plus I won the fights, so that has to count for something. Don't bother fact-checking, I've never been wrong in my life.

Q: Much has been made about your off-the-ice behavior. Some believe you party too much, get into too much trouble, and your talent isn't worth the headache you bring with what some call "a large ego". What do you have to say to those critics?

A: So I like to party. Big whoop. It hasn't been a problem so far, and if it becomes one I'll tone it down. Cops show up at one party, that you aren't even arrested at, and people say "you cause too much trouble". I am not perfect. No one in this garbage dump of a town is. But compared to those jaywalking, littering neanderthals, I'm a saint. And I'd argue that my talent IS worth a small headache, which I won't even bring. If anything, I'm a cure to headaches in the locker room. I'm like Advil or Tylenol. You don't get to where I am without confidence in yourself. I look up to guys like Baker Mayfield and Terrell Owens. They knew how great they were and let people know about it. Unlike them, I play defense along with a pretty damn good offensive game if I do say so myself. So step off haters. I'll just keep proving you wrong if you keep it up.