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Insayne · 01-14-2020, 05:36 PM

3500 words, ready for grading

It’s that time of year again, folks. The S52 SMHJL Entry Draft is upon us which means that Boob McKenzie’s first (and final) installment of his top 20 prospects is here to guide curious onlookers and lazy GM’s alike on who to watch out for this Saturday. This is looking like a fantastic draft top to bottom; from decorated recreates to ambitious rookies, the absolute size and girth of this draft is truly a sight to behold. Only time will tell if it can match up with some of the greatest drafts this league has ever seen but the potential surely is there.
Just to be clear, this is not a mock draft. This isn’t a situation where you line up the teams on one side, line up the players on another side, and match up the names and the numbers. What it is, is simply my take on where a player is ranked amongst his peers with perhaps a dash of razzle dazzle and completely unnecessary/inaccurate commentary. Please note, TPE totals fluctuate on a near daily basis so I chose a day to do this ranking and any TPE you gained after that/after this is posted isn’t taken into account.

So Boob, how did you arrive at these rankings?

I used a proprietary algorithm to examine each and every new player for this upcoming draft to arrive at these rankings. Although I cannot disclose exactly how it works, let’s just say I went through each and every players update page and wrote down who had the most TPE and then made the rest up from there. A number of the newly created players have the same amount of TPE so I stuck all their names in a randomizer and clicked randomize. It’s a very scientific process, trust me.

Boob, you’re a fucking fraud, my player isn’t listed and I’m gonna be the next Wayne Gretzky. Explain yourself.

First off, relax. Second off, many of the best players in SHL history have flown under the radar during their initial draft experience so not being ranked here has absolutely no bearing on your potential hockey related exploits. Frankly, just as many top-rated picks completely bust and I honestly didn’t want to sit here and do a ranking of 80+ people. In conclusion, suck it up buttercup and keep earning that TPE and maybe you’ll make my top 20 for the next SHL draft. Or maybe you’ll get drafted and never log onto the site again. Only time will tell, I guess.
Before I get started, I need to boost my word count a little bit more so here are some basic trends in the top 20. One may call this the “year of the forward” as a whopping 13 forwards are ranked in my top 20. Luckily for SMJHL GM’s, this fills a league-wide need. Thanks to the GOAT @golden_apricot we know that there are 33 active spots available for forwards across the 10 SMJHL teams so players will be inserted into the lineup on day one and expected to play a vital role in their teams success. In addition to the forwards, there are 6 Defensemen and 1 Goalie in my top 20 rankings.

Alright, let’s get this fuckin’ show on the road.

1. Frans Eller – Goalie - @Ace – 195 TPE
Frans Eller has both the pedigree and the early TPE gains to make this an easy choice for my number one prospect. Despite this being a forward-heavy top 20, the Danish Goalie is as “sure-fire” a prospect as we have ever seen. A guaranteed starter at the next level, with the potential to be a franchise defining corner piece, Ace has shown the ability to build great players in the past and this one looks to be no different. The NHL comparable I would use would be Tuuka Rask, minus the serial killer eyes and the shit franchise he plays for. All in all, any team that drafts Eller knows they are going to be getting a maxed goalie as soon as humanly possible. The only concern I would have would be that he becomes too good, too fast, which will lead to his promotion to the SHL sooner rather than later, leaving his SMJHL team scrambling for contingency options to fill his massive hole in net.

2. Axel Meszaros – Defense – @ml002 – 185 TPE
The Hungarian Two-Way Defenseman checks in at number two in my ranking. This is another player with a rock-solid pedigree of player success, minus never winning a cup (KEKW). It’s tough to find Dmen who are capable at both ends of the ice but Axel projects to be a do-it-all kind of guy at the next level. He'll keep biscuits out of his own basket, put biscuits in the other team’s basket, and he’s a great presence to have in the locker room. He’s another player who will be joining the SHL sooner rather than later so SMJHL teams can expect to only have Meszaros’ services for 2-3 seasons max. The NHL comparable I will use is Morgan Rielly, but with the knowledge of how to actually play defense.

3. Danny White – Center - @Insayne – 203 TPE
Yeah, I tagged myself. What about it. Oh I forgot I’m writing this from Boob McKenzie’s perspective. Anyways, Danny White is yet another player with tremendous pedigree like the guys listed before him. His previous player found success at every level but maybe didn’t reach his absolute peak potential. I spoke to him in an exclusive 1 on 1 interview and he stared at me and only answered one question. I asked the Dutch forward if he was a great draft choice: "I don't compare myself to nobody but..." He rolled up his sleeve to reveal a tattoo of Dani Forsberg. Asked if that was his answer "I'll let you interpret that however you want." NHL comparable is LeBrayden Point.

4. Jaska Seppälä – Left Wing - @Zombiewolf – 185 TPE
Asking scouts around the league to describe the 6’2, 205-pound sniper from Finland, three words keep coming up: “Thick. Solid. Tight.” Yet another player with a good pedigree of winning at both the SMJHL and the SHL level, Seppälä comes in at a solid number four in my ranking. The name of the game is scoring goals and boy can this lad shoot. The big knock on snipers, particularly at the SMJHL level, is their inability play a 200-foot game. Fear not, Jaska takes just as much pride in scoring goals as he does hustling back and defending his own net. My NHL comparable for Jaska is TJ Oshie, with significantly less flow.

5. Ambacas Cuddles – Defense - @"cpetrella" – 198 TPE
Obviously trella’s player is gonna be a beast but since he’s the Co-GM of Carolina, his player will be auto-drafted to them. I wanted to at least put him in my top 5 because he’s one of the highest TPE earners so far in the class and his previous player was lit. Hailing from the mystical Land of Gumba, this monstrous defensive defenseman knows his role on the ice which is kill or be killed. At 7’9, I think there’s going to be a lot more “kill” than not. My NHL comparable for Ambacas is Zdeno Chara but uglier, if that’s even possible.

6. Erben Kasius – Defense - @Paq – 189 TPE
Two Dutch players in the top 6, wild times we live in! This offensively minded defenseman has found some success with previous players, winning a Challenge Cup in S48. There is nowhere to go but up from here as strong early TPE gains as well as a strong commitment to team success put Erben at number 6 in my ranking. Offensive defensemen are always in high-demand in this high-scoring league, especially once they reach the SHL and get some experience under their belt, and there is no doubt that Kasius will be in high-demand on draft day. NHL comparable is Erik Karlsson with more than one intact Achilles tendon.

7. Tomass Veinbergs – Right Wing – @Signal – 176 TPE
The Latvian born Offensive Forward got off to a hot start upon declaring for the SMJHL draft but has since trailed off a bit as far as activity is concerned. There are murmurs around the league that he may be pursuing a curling scholarship at a major university but those are thusfar unconfirmed. Hopefully not, however, as this guy can really do it all. He’s a good shooter, passer and defensively responsible. SMJHL GM’s are going to want to clarify his intentions of becoming a serious SMJHL player sooner rather than later in order to better gauge whether or not he’s worth a potential first round pick. NHL comparable would be Alexander Wennberg when he was actually good and his production wasn’t complete and utter shit.

8. Rocco Berni – Center - @Blues – 168 TPE
Coming in at the eight spot in my ranking is the Swiss playmaking forward Rocco Berni. Have I mentioned pedigree in this piece yet? Yes? Whatever, I’m mentioning it again. With a Hall of Fame player as well as a cup on this guys “resume,” you already know teams are lining up to make Blue their favorite color. While he doesn’t have the highest TPE total currently, he’s not far behind the class leaders in this respect and is very much in-line with the bulk of the rest of the draft class. With so many shoot-first players on the board, Berni stands out as one of the best playmakers available on draft day. Much like his NHL comparable Nico Hischier, he “loves to hockey.”

9. Salomon Frosty – Left Wing - @jsteele14 – 168 TPE
Coming in at number 9 on my list is Solomon Frosty. This 6’1 Norwegian forward ply’s his trade in the offensive zone while also remaining above average defensively. Forwards who bring “the whole package” to the table tend to get scooped up sooner rather than later and there is a solid chance that Frosty gets taken at some point in the first round. It’s tough to pin a potential destination on Salomon (and really any of the players following him on this list) because once the TPE totals start to get real close, teams will draft based on roster-based needs as personality. My NHL comparable is Mats Zuccarello because I cannot think of any other Norwegian NHL players and yeah.

10. Chris de Siren – Left Wing - @Chrisda19 – 168 TPE
Rounding out the top ten is the first American player on my board, Chris de Siren. He’s a smaller forward who likes to find time and space in the offensive zone by either outworking, outskating or simply dangling around his opponents and then depositing the puck in the top corner of the opposing teams’ net. Activity is always an important thing for a young prospects chances at getting drafted high and in this respect he’s killing the game. Don’t be surprised if de Siren sneaks his way into the first round or a team trades up for him on draft day. My NHL comparable is Cole Caufield but taller with a better skating stride.

11. Edward Williams – Center – @Aephino – 168 TPE
Strong like a hot cuppa Earl Grey on a miserable Merseyside morning, this power forward imposes his will on the game with sheer strength and determination. Don’t let the size fool you though, this guy can absolutely sauce the puck and skate like the wind. He’s a rare breed in the modern SHL landscape but teams value truculence so this guy has the potential to absolutely shoot up draft boards if his prospect interviews go well. There is nothing like a thunderous hit to get your team going and this guy provides them in spades. My NHL comparable is Miles Wood, but with the distinct ability to actually produce points and not slam into the boards at full speed 3-5 times per game.

12. William Hartmann – Left Wing - @"thecanadiancanuck" – 164 TPE
Another Swiss player here in my top 20 is William Harmann. The smaller (not really, he’s 5’11) but absolutely positively thicc winger knows how to play the game the right way. If he was Canadian, Don Cherry would be thinking about Hartmann as he lays in bed at night but, alas, he is not. Two-way forwards have a rich history of success in the SHL and Hartmann has all the potential in the world to reach those lofty heights. As a newer player to the league, much like many of the players that are going to follow Hartmann on this list, there is some risk for GM’s that they might just never develop. However, the Swiss winger has the potential to be an absolute steal in the early second round, if he even makes it that far. My NHL comparable is smaller, but more well-rounded Timo Meier.

13. Mohammad Cuddles – Right Wing - @Clint Eastwood – 163 TPE
Coming in at lucky number 13 is another Land of Gumba product, Mohammad Cuddles. This guy has had success with his previous players and always builds to punish the opposition and while he couldn’t pass his way out of a paper bag, expect him to park his ass in front of the net and bang home 20 a year off of juicy rebounds. He hasn’t been the most active lately but the smaller of the Cuddles’ brother’s is sure to come back once the gettin’ gets good (aka when you can actually start earning big dick TPE) so he’s still a solid pick by teams in the second round. He absolutely plastered another player in the prospect tournament and in a war of words, dropped this gem “Thats fucking hockey right there. None of that pansy ass dick tugging smile for the camera bullshit. Men puke, men poop on the ice, men deliver their newborn baby on the bench. Fucking hard core dick in the ass fuck it chuck it game time shit.” I uh, yeah. NHL comparable is Trent Frederic.

14. Vince Chalut – Defense - @Chaxterium – 163 TPE
If you like massive, smooth skating, offensive defensemen then look no further than Vince Chalut. This Canadian born player comes in at a whopping 6’4 and 215 pounds but don’t think that hitting is his game. This guy plays a silky smooth, pass and move type game and is constantly getting open for his forwards in-order to use his lethal shot to put the pucks past the goalie. Despite his massive frame, his first step quickness as well as his overall speed is quite good. While he does have some minor mental lapses in the defensive end, he more than makes up for it by helping his team dominate the other team in the offensive zone. Good dmen are hard to find so this guy has an outside shot of being a first rounder but will likely settle nicely in the second round, provided he keeps up his activity. My NHL comparable is a taller, less cunty Kris Letang.

15. Hiroshi Ohira – Right Wing - @Finetales – 163 TPE
This Japanese forward does everything and more in the offensive zone. Teams will be drooling over the unique blend of skill in passing, skating and stick handling this guy provides. I mentioned previously how many shooters there are in general in the league, and this draft is no different. As such, expect there to be quite the premium on pass-first studs like Ohira which could see him absolutely flying up draft boards in no time. Make no mistake though, this guy just doesn’t distribute the puck well, he is a gifted skater and can put the puck on net with a SMHJL-level shot. More work will need to be done to round out his game but hey, that’s what Juniors are for right? My NHL comparable is Patrick Kane-lite.

16. Jimmy Wagner – Right Wing - @sve7en – 163 TPE
I believe this is the first Austrian born player on my list thusfar (I may be wrong but I’m not scrolling up. Fight me). @”Mike_Izzy” will absolutely love this guy on Austria because he does just about everything well. While he’s not the biggest or the strongest guy, he competes hard for every puck and makes the other teams earn each and every inch of ice. His stout defensive game only serves to supplement his fantastic offensive game, in particular his deadly-accurate wrist shot as well as his unique but wildly effective skating stride. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Two-way forwards are fantastic in the SHL so he has high expectations to live up to but with the right amount of drive and determination, he’ll be making impact plays at the next level in no time. My NHL comparable is prime Thomas Vanek who can actually play defense.

17. Magnus Liljeström – Defense - @roastpuff – 163 TPE
This smooth skating Swedish Dman slides into number 17 on my list. Much like two-way forwards, two-way defensemen are at a premium at all levels of the game. I mean, who doesn’t like a guy who can do it all? Well, besides shooting because that’s not Magnus’ strong suit BUT if doing literally everything else is good enough, why even bother shooting right? Everyone and their mother (including me lmao) build shoot-first players so Liljeström is going to have his pick of the litter every night when he’s streaking up ice and his entire team are tapping their stick because they want to one-time it. Don’t be surprised if this guy gets drafted early in the second because of how many D slots are open, league wide, with so few quality guys to fill them. All in all, this guy looks to be a great pick by whatever org takes him. NHL comparable is Oliver Ekman-Larsson who couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn but has better flow.

18. Steve Harrington – Left Wing - @"NeonLime" – 163 TPE
@Tomen is absolutely shaking in his Lederhosen at the thought of this German playmaking forward potentially joining the team a few years down the line. The guy is just plain nasty at getting the puck on his stick, making a few guys look completely and utterly silly, then dishing it off to a teammate who slams it home. While he’s one of the smallest prospects in the draft, don’t let his size fool you. He plays a big game and he’ll get to the dirty areas particularly on defense if he’s called upon to do so. With good activity metrics so far, this guy is appearing on mock drafts across the league as a potential early second rounder. His NHL comparable is a much smaller Leon Draisaitl who isn’t wildly negative while playing with McDavid.

19. Chris Cerullo – Center - @ChrisFromRMNB – 163 TPE
Do you like non-sense? Then Chris isn’t your guy. This guy is pure hockey. He eats hockey, he drinks hockey, he shits hockey, he sleeps in a Zamboni bed, etc. This guy plays the game in a very north to south fashion. He’ll absolutely fly up and down the ice, throw the body when needed, get in your face on defense, and absolute go top shelf if you give him even six inches of space. While he doesn’t have the puck handling skills of a lot of other draftees, he more than makes up for it in what can only be described as a never-ending motor and drive to just win. As an active member of the site, and in the various Discords, this guy is looking like a sure-fire second rounder and potential dark-horse first round pick. His NHL comparable is Patrick Sharp with an even more defined chin.

20. Valentín Kalashnikov – Defense - @suavemente – 163 TPE
Last but certainly not least is a guy who hits like a 7.62 while you’re only wearing a Scav vest in Tarkov, Valentín Kalashnikov. This absolutely massive Russian defenseman makes sure that you put respect on his name each and every time he’s on the ice. He’s a goalie’s best friend because, frankly, he’s like a second goalie who can also hit people out there on the ice. While he won’t be breaking any scoring records, defensive defensemen have an important role in the SHL because the sim awards so many god damn powerplays so teams will find themselves on the PK a whole bunch. Not much else to say about this guy. Defensemen are definitely at a premium this draft and he looks to be an active member, so the sky is the limit as far as where he is drafted. NHL comparable is Nikita Zadorov.

And that’s allllllllllllll she wrote, folks. I hope you enjoyed reading this totally serious, scientifically based examination of the top 20 prospects in the upcoming S52 SMJHL draft. Make sure you tune in to the draft on Saturday, January 18th, at Noon EST. It’s sure to be a fun one.
If you have any complaints about my prospect rankings, please send all hate-mail to @Acsolap at your earliest convenience and I will definitely, definitely read it.

ml002 · 01-14-2020, 05:38 PM

I WON TWO FOUR STAR CUPS! THIS IS SLANDER! YOU'LL BE HEARING FROM MY LAWYER

Credit to Copenhagen, Wasty, FlappyGiraffe, InciteHysteria, and caltroit_red_flames
[Image: MM4nqx6.png]

DeletedAtUserRequest · 01-14-2020, 05:43 PM

Love me some Boob McKenzie's reports! That means we are getting close to the draft! We got Wagner in camp and he’s been quite impressive so far Interview

Great write up #9!

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ChrisFromRMNB · 01-14-2020, 05:50 PM

It's lit fam, Heia Norge.

***roastpuff*** · 01-14-2020, 05:51 PM

Thanks Boob! I hope you enjoyed those margaritas in the off-season because it's going to be a busy S52 SMJHL season!

trella · 01-14-2020, 05:57 PM

Ambacas #1

Great read!!

Thanks to @karey and @JSS for the sigs!

Former USA Fed Head, Carolina Kraken Co-GM, Tampa Bay Barracuda GM

***Chevy*** · 01-14-2020, 05:59 PM

Great article! Thanks!

*Aephino* · 01-14-2020, 06:00 PM

Terrific write up, and good to see Williams made the list. Future star in the making Smile

Hydracronis · 01-14-2020, 06:06 PM

I'm hurt I'm not on here :(

Insayne · 01-14-2020, 06:11 PM

01-14-2020, 06:06 PMHydracronis Wrote: I'm hurt I'm not on here :(

I'll speak to Boob on your behalf and see what we can do

Insayne · 01-14-2020, 06:19 PM

01-14-2020, 05:38 PMml002 Wrote: I WON TWO FOUR STAR CUPS! THIS IS SLANDER! YOU'LL BE HEARING FROM MY LAWYER

I see no cups under your name

*suavemente* · 01-14-2020, 06:36 PM

Translated by V. Kalashnikov's agent:

Dear Mr. Tit Mackenzie.

Thank you for the kind words they are warming like a nice shot of Stoli. Please feel free to contact me on my personal line for any "problems" you need solved. Hopefully this kickstarts my rise to stardom, don't worry I never forget my friends.... or enemies.

Blues · 01-14-2020, 07:54 PM

Pedigree is HUGE

Catch me with 3 Challenge Cup Championships and 2 playoff MVPs Wink

Chaxterium · 01-14-2020, 09:08 PM

You've described my player (Vince Chalut 14) as a taller, less cunty Kris Letang. I can't imagine a more accurate description.

GreyGooseVodka · 01-14-2020, 09:35 PM

well this is a joke boob

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