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Huck24 · 03-05-2020, 01:10 PM

With New Orleans losing out of these playoffs in game seven of the western conference finals, I have found myself reflecting on my time in the SHL so far, all of which have been with Simon T deciding on the results of each and every game my player Lyle Odelien III has played in.

The first time I heard the phrase ‘fuck simon t’ was while Lyle was in the juniors playing with the St. Louis Scarecrows. I had no idea who this Simon dude was, and I really didn’t know why everyone would be so pissed off at this guy after a disappointing loss. I’d look at game stats of the game we had just played, trying to find the Simon jerk who somehow cost us the game, but I could never see any Simon T in the opposing teams roster. I was brand new to this league and sim leagues in general, so I didn’t want to ask anyone who this bastard Simon was, I was afraid that I should have known who he was. So just kept plugging along, wondering how I could find out who this jerk was who kept getting cursed out in our locker room.

I vaguely remember the day I found out who Simon was, I finally looked at the bottom of the SMJHL index page and saw those four little letters S-T-H-S. It all came rushing back to me, just like the end of a mystery movie where the main characters starts to put all of the pieces together, Simon T wasn’t some asshole who someone kept making us have shitty luck and lose a game here and there, it was the actually simulator that gave out the shitty luck and made us lose games. Every ‘fuck simon t’ that I read made perfect sense now. I was finally able to join in the chorus of simon t bashing.

I was leading the charge most times after that, getting my virtual pitchfork out every time our team would lose because we would take three hooking penalties in a row, in one period. Now, I know that is an actual possibility in an actual hockey game, but I felt that this was simon t just trying to humble us. In the Crows locker room, we realized that it was useless to curse out simon anymore, so we changed gears. We started giving up pre-sim prayers to Simon T. I can’t really say if that helped or not, but it sure seemed like it did. Then one day, we didn’t give up our usual praise, the sim came in and I checked it right away. The Crows had won the game by a score of 6-4 if I remember correctly, I was very happy to see that, but I as scrolled down, I saw my players name as the first goal scorer. That was sweet, but then I scrolled further and saw the name Lyle Odelein III beside two more of the St. Louis goals. I was beside myself, my first every multi goal game and a hat trick to boot! I was losing my shit!

As I was silently celebrating at my desk at work, a new message popped up in the St. Louis locker room. There was a faulty line up from another team in today’s sim, it would be re-simmed momentarily. I hung my head. Would Simon T strike again, did he gave this hat trick to Lyle only to snatch it away immediately after? The re-sim results came in, I checked them right away, but I already knew what I’d find. A St. Louis loss and no goals scored by Lyle. Simon T, that fickle bastard had done it again. I didn’t praise his name so he let me know how much power he had over me.

After that, I realized there wasn’t much I could do. Simon T just didn’t give a shit about my player or team at all. And I was ok with that, it was what it was. I still cursed out Simon T whenever I felt the need and you know what, it did make me feel a bit better each time I did it. When I heard that we were potentially making a switch over to the FHM simulator, I was overjoyed. Soon we would be rid of Simon and his evil ways. When season S52 kicked off, I felt good about the last season with Simon. With all the shit luck we had had in New Orleans in the playoffs (game 7’s specifically) I thought that this would be a perfect season to finally best Simon T and win it all. We had our ups and downs this season but were able to finish in third place in the west. We had a good first series against Edmonton and advanced to western conference finals to take on the San Francisco Pride. It was a great series. Both teams played some solid hockey. We took a 3 games to 2 series lead but we were not able to seal the deal in game six, the Pride forced us to yet another game 7. I still felt confident that we could pull this out, I waited patiently that morning for the Simon T’s sim to come in, when it did, I clicked on the game link and that’s when I saw Simon T’s final fuck you to me and the rest of the Specters. Not only did we lose the game, we had lost one of our most important players to a game misconduct for instigating a fight. A fucking fight in a do or die game 7 to advance to the finals. Nicholas Williams one of our alternate captains, one of our biggest offensive threats, a player who only had two minor penalties called against him all season long, somehow decided not only to drop the gloves and fight a Pride player, he started the friggin’ fight, giving himself a game misconduct and a one way ticket to the dressing room. This was Simon’s final fuck you to us, he decided that Williams totally lost his mind at the start of the second period in one of the biggest games for the Specters. I'm not saying this was the only reason we lost this game, but it sure didn't help us win it at all.

After that game, I said my final ‘fuck Simon T’. That was the last time he could hurt me. Simon is gone, the bad man went away. I totally understand that FHM may not be perfect either, but I felt personally violated multiple time by Simon and I don't think I’m not the only one. I’m welcoming FHM with open arms and can’t wait to see how S53 goes. We’ve got a great league with amazing teams and players, I’m hoping all of us will shine with FHM, well, maybe New Orleans slightly more than the rest!

So, to cap this off, I’d actually like to thank Simon T for the multiple seasons of simulating our games, you gave us all a lot of joy playing in this league. You may have been a jerk on some occasions, but you provided all of us with something to look forward to, something that we could all rally around whether the outcomes were good or bad or just plain terrible. Thanks for everything you did. And also, a welcome to FHM, I look forward to seeing how this all plays out!

Let's go Specters!!!

Word count - 1280

SlashACM · 03-05-2020, 02:07 PM

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