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TheHockeyist · 07-12-2020, 01:46 AM

Thought I'd post for transparency on the situation with my mental health as of lately.

So last week I was going to reach out to a crisis line to help me deal with my worsening mental health issues, fully expecting another outburst in a few days. Shortly before I was going to, an old friend of mine reached out to see if I was okay, as I had been acting "out of it" and not really how he remembered me. Despite the fact that we had never met in real life (indeed, he's from Poland and not a hockey fan at all), he invited me to an old hobby - roleplaying. In fact, it was him and his group who first introduced me to roleplaying and how I became a fan of it.

It was not a formal session with "roll a d20", no. It was taken into a private Discord server with about 10 other people, most of whom I recognized from 2015-2016 when they were my close group of online friends. The group has slightly expanded and contracted since then. A few guys were lost, a few new ones gained. But the core of the group was still the same. I created a character and entered the world.

And indeed, I had forgotten what it was like to just get lost in a collaborative imaginary world. In only 24 hours in real life, a raid destroyed a city, two characters travelled a distance of 25 light-years in ten minutes, and four characters (two of them not even human) got involved in a serious, but fun hockey game that ended up destroying the ice surface.

I had completely forgotten the thrill of it. I became immersed in this world, almost like I had with the SHL. Instantly I felt better, like the real world was insignificant. No one cared about Earth or the pandemic or something (indeed it has worsened here to the point where they're deploying the medical reserve thing of the military). Instead we were all focused on a small set of imaginary countries set in maybe the medieval era with lasers. Somehow. Because roleplaying.

I was also advised to start a sleep log and keep track of when I slept (indeed, these last few days have shown barely any pattern in waking and sleeping times) as well as trying to cut back and reorganize my obligations. Also only getting out of bed to take care of basic human survival needs was okay. However, that appears to be happening less and less as of lately.

I would like to thank everyone who has reached out to me. I am in fact feeling better and although life still isn't normal, it's becoming a new type of normal. I'm starting to slowly heal and adapt into these new times and hopefully I can have a healthier relationship with the SHL site and the entire community. I apologize if I have alienated anyone - it was not my intention.

Thanks to everyone and here's to a better rest of the year.