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StamkosFan · 07-19-2020, 03:51 PM

Welcome back to the Onion News Network! We are here to break down and analyze the exciting S55 sixth round, one of the best and most eventful in recent SHL history. Nobody was quite sure what would happen going into it, but the stakes for GMs were quite high.

Tampa had the first pick of the round. It was uncertain who they would pick at 81, but they passed.

Toronto at 82 and Minnesota following at 83 also opted to pass, and the crowds watched with bated breath. Who would have thought such late picks would be discarded!

Baltimore and Winnipeg followed suit; there was more passing in this sixth round than Hamilton had in S50! These teams had scoured the prospect cupboards, looking high and low, and they were making the choices to improve their teams. Winnipeg weighed in on how the previous round impacted this decision.

“We passed on the coveted pick 69, disappointing pretty much every remaining prospect, in the previous round. If we could give up the opportunity of making Aumy Jr. 69th overall, then we had to pass now,” said Winnipeg’s GM.

Positional needs factored into San Francisco’s decision to pass on 86, or something that sounds like legitimate analysis and makes the Onion drag out this article. The coach weighed in on this, saying that they just did not care at all and wanted to go watch Netflix.

“We 86’d pick 86, drafting is boring and we can’t pay any more players anyways. Now stop pinging us demanding comment on this stupid story and let us get back to watching The Old Guard!” said the Pride’s coach.

One of Texas, New England, or Calgary had to take st4rface, right? Wrong, think again! In a shocking twist, they all passed their picks, one two three. Announcers watched in stunned silence, unable to believe their eyes. This sixth round was shaping up to be a nail biter!

Pick 90, draft attendance was virtually zero by now. Edmonton’s pick was in, and continuing the pattern, they passed. They must have reached this decision by watching the other GMs act on their scouting intel this round and decided to copy.

Manhattan passed. Nobody could’ve possibly seen this coming! Chicago was AFK on discord and were automatically considered to have passed. 93, would LA break the mold and take a daring leap into the unknown? No, another pass! These were the decisions that would make or break a team, and we were seeing them unfold before our eyes!

94. Buffalo had to be the team that would do something different. A tension held in the air, so thick you could cut it with a knife. All eyes were on them. There was a sense of foreboding....they had done it! They drafted Aumy Jr. What a major defensive acquisition for a club that treasures blueliners and cherishes defensive stars above all others.

Everyone wanted to know what Buffalo had to say. They must be locking this prospect down for awhile, so he could be a leader for the farm team and join them sooner rather than later. A prestigious defender that they saw something in, making the top of their round six list...oh, and they didn’t even sign him to a contract. That was anti-climactic.

Hamilton hates passing, no way they could do that. But they did, surprising everyone! A shocking turn of events on the draft floor, if there was anyone actually watching you would’ve heard gasps of amazement from all of the spectators.

And New Orleans was too busy flaming their former co-GM for having the audacity to leave their warm, loving, zero percent toxic locker room to make a selection at 96. That wrapped up a thrilling, spectacular round of the S55 draft, and left a lot for our writers to analyze. This is ONN, signing off.

***Ohtaay*** · 07-19-2020, 04:48 PM

thrilling review of an important round in the draft

SFresh3 · 07-19-2020, 05:21 PM

People will look back and note that this was the turning point of the franchise.

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