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Zema · 09-11-2020, 05:47 AM

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1400+ words, 2x draft media

I did one of these ahead of my own draft, and thought I might as well do another one! It's always fun going through all the names people have come up with and rank them.
Disclaimer - Created on Friday, not taking into account players created after.
Also, these lists are based on a scientific method based on something even the Lord Ruler himself would be proud about.
My opinion.

As for my top 10, let's go!

10. Anna Pontencorvo @AnnaH
Those who read my last piece about this knows I am super weak to Italian sounding or just straight up Italian names. Pontencorvo is an amazingly classy and high end name with some really amazing potential for play-by-plays to shout. First name might be fairly standard, but it's an "anna"gram so she got that going for her, which is nice. Incredible jokes aside, Anna Pontencorvo is hopefully someone that will live up to her (name) potential and show the world that she would be worth picking, based on name alone.

9. Ruggs McOoooh @Ruggsy
Once again, those who read my last piece knows I'm also weak towards Irish names. McOoooh might not be the most classic Irish name, but Ooooh boy do I have to tell you about the monstrous potential this guy have. Imagine he is scoring a truly, beautifully highlight real executed goal and the commentator goes absolutely insane. "And it's Ruggs McOOOOOOOOOH MY GOD" Ya. Exactly. It would be great. I hope this guy is gonna go on to become a goal scorer of the truly highest level, just for those commentator moments.

8. Wally Herman @Wally Herman
Wally wally wally... I love this dude! It's straight forward (heh, he's a center), robust and simply amazing name for a hockey player. Wally is such a happy-go around name that you just can't not hope for him to succeed. It makes the contrast of his last name being Herman even better. Wally becomes a bit more intimidating when followed up by Herman. Herman is a powerful, simple and overall strong name that really binds the entire name and player into what he stands for. Hard work.

7. Wen Baters @Waters
Sigh... A classic miss happening at the hospital where you accidentally swap the first letters of both his names. A tale that's old as time itself. But we don't care about that, I'm just here to judge the name! Aaaand it's a goodie. Wen is a terrific first name and I completely understand if it was a conscious decision by his parents. It wasn't, but I would understand it. Baters is what makes me curious. How do you pronounce it? Baters, like Waters but with a B? Bat-ers, like someone swinging a bat (oooh, or Batman). Maybe it's Bate-ers which makes things somewhat wrong. Either way, just reading Wen Baters makes my head spin, and that's a good thing.

6. Bás O'Bigbers @Sopath
About the Irish thing... ya. This is Irish alright. I can't include McOoooh and claim to like Irish names to then not include O'Bigbers. You can call him by his first name, Bás, and for most it would be a great nickname. For him though? It's just everyday. He get's to sign autographs with "Bás", and I am so jealous about it. If that wasn't enough, O'Bigbers would be enough to land him in a good spot on this list. Together they form a lethal duo that lands himself on a strong spot on the list. However, this is a really strong class of great names so the competition was slightly too harsh for Bás.

5. Dwayne Gretzky @3lewsers
It's just so simple. Right? You take the name of the GOAT, and you simply put a D ahead of it. How can one letter simply make the entire name become sooo good? I'm out of words. It's blasphemous.
I love it.

4. Robert Feltersnatch @Roamus
When scrolling through the list of prospects, you don't always see the good ones straight up. Some names who just sneak past you when creating the list of names. This is one of those. Robert is solid, good, classic. Nothing to complain about. But Feltersnatch? What does that even mean?!
After a google search, I am ashamed to be putting this at number 4. But, I will take this as a learning experience to not get hyped about a funny sounding name before googling it. Still, the funny sounding name is good enough for a 4th place on my list.

3. Zdanke Beranek @ToeDragon84
A legend of the site decided to re-create. And what a way to do it.. Zdanke Beranek is a good name in every single way you want to put it. Just say it out loud to yourself. Ze-dan-ke, Be-ran-ek. It just feels so damn good in your mouth (phrasing) when saying it. Breaking down the name even further, the only thing Zdanke is gonna thank you for is how easily he will pass you by to score. The guy is also an absolute unit, but acts like a butterfly on the ice. Oh right, back to the name. Zdanke doesn't apologize, he only thanks you. Beranek as a lastname just makes the name complete, and that is good enough for a 3rd place on my list.

2. Ren-Ekelemchi Shimizu-Okoli @ProjectSaint
If Baranek is easy and straightforward, Ren-Ekelemchi is far from it. I love an easy and simple name, but this long drawn out great names are just so damn satisfying on their own end. Ren is a (Clean) name, especially if you're Swedish (puns, I get it). Ekelemchi sounds like a weird ingredient, and I love it. I'm not gonna google this in case it actually is. But in my opinion, Shimizu-Okoli is what makes him take a 2nd place on this list. One of the most important things for me is something I mentioned with the previous player. It needs to feel good to say. Shimizu-Okoli is close to top of the list in terms of that. Add Ren-Ekelemchi into the mix and you got yourself a 2nd place on the most illustrious list since... something else.

Honorable Mentions

Jonathan Granström, @Halkohol : Solid name, just not solid enough.
Freyja Hellström, @Calliope : The odd man out on this list. A great sounding name that simply just wasn't enough this time around.
Thomas Duddy, @Duddy: Heh. Duddy.
Captain Holt, @NinenineHolt: I am a huge fan of Brooklyn Nine-Nine (nine-nine!) and I was a huge fan of this name. But my opinions are not what decides this list.
Rude Sniff, @Dude: I'm not immature enough to find this funny. Okay, I found this funny, but it would be shameful of me to put him on the list.

Alright, enough stalling and dragging out the article for more words to get that sweet bonus. The best name of the S56 SMJHL draft iiiiis....

1. Cal Cutta @CJPJD
I previously mentioned that when you scroll through the list, you sometimes miss gems and such. Yeah, this was not the case here. Instead, Cal Cutta was the exact opposite. He was also the reason I even decided to make this list in the first place.
Cal Cutta hits all the right nostalgic buttons for me to not only include him on this list, but also make me love the fact that someone decided to have it has. The fact that Cal is a regular name makes things even more funny when it's mostly just a meme.
For me, this name checks almost every single box. It is a funny, simple, (clean) and easy going name that has the potential for the hype moments by commentators. It feels good to say, and it sounds lovely to imagine a commentator say it. Here's Cutta, coming in from the left wing and he scoooores. Cal! Cutta! He wins it in ooovertime!. Also, writing CUTTAAAA in the LR would make me beyond happy. Also, imagine the potential for the goal song! I'm telling you, this is one of the greatest names on the site at this point. Maybe even ever created. Yes, even better than Bud Light Bud Light Lime from the S55 draft. Hopefully Cutta makes the cut (see, great potential) and becomes an all time great. If not, I have a great name for my next player in a couple of years.

Thank you for reading through this. They are always a treat to make. Seeing as I missed the last class, this might be a chance for redemption to me as I might look into making one for the SHL draft.
If you have any opinions about missing names and etc, I'd love to hear them. There were some solid names left off, and I probably missed someone while scrolling through.