(3,333 Word Count x 2 Media or at least I think it is still worth 2x Media)
That's Four Threes!! Don't Forget that I spent some serious time making the Newspaper Graphic as well!
It may look easy or like I did it in 5 minutes but I go through a whole process to get colors and logos and what not just right.
At least that is how I feel about it but that doesn't mean the grader sees it this way as it is all subjective!

     Canada Sports, has decided to pay renegade Whaler Jon Forty-One, a one time payment for the exclusive rights to showcase his talent, for the SHL and SMJHL combined. This player was livid after being drafted by the Minnesota Chiefs. He went 23rd overall, in a class of 54 prospects. Only 45 players actually entered and nobody only knows what happened to the other nine!? It was truly impressive how long he allowed the question and answer session to continue in his post draft press, one on one, interview. I was personally on hand and witnessed the outrage. Marty Lange was nearby and was about to call for another strike! This time he was trying to get the Players Association on board with his mission. Thankfully, Marty calmed down and ordered a large order of Poutine. I joined him and brought a few Elsinore Beers to the table. We both watched in anticipation as Mr. Forty-One let loose no matter the consequences. I noticed the guy, who says his name is Nobody, looked annoyed or irritated. It certainly did not matter to Rookie Sensation... Mr Jon Forty-One as he looked like he would get angry at any moment. You certainly would not want to make him angry. You won't like him when he is angry. I was having flash backs of Dr. David Banner getting upset and going into a trance with those eyes! That is right! I was waiting for Jon Forty-One to start growing into some green monster, ripping his shirt off and watching his pants turn into cut off jeans! Of course you know what happens next... growing huge muscles and grunting while busting up everything in site. It certainly isn't Hulk-A-Mania but it would be The Incredible Hulk!

     After my 80s flashback, I realized it was the year 2019 and I was sitting  with Marty Lange enjoying a frosty Elsinore Beer while eating some smoked meat and poutine! I wasn't going to allow the rant of this Forty-One Character spoil that! So, instead I devised a plan to get the exclusive rights for a one time storyline about this player who is a Vancouver Whaler. Of course I could just say a Whaler but since every word is ringing the cash register bell, I will type out as many of them as fast as I can! Did you know every time you hear a bell an Angel gets his wings? If you didn't know that check out the movie... "It's A Wonderful Life." Usually best to enjoy such hooey at Christmas Time. You know the time of our Lord and Saviors birth? More like the time of the demon they turned into the jolly old St. Nick in hopes to steal all your Cashola! Cashola... is that a word?? It's slang but it sure sounds good! Honestly, I can't get over myself! I think I am so darn funny but I know I am not. Oh well! Onward we roll with this story!

    Let's try to get back on track with this player, who went Ape, you know what, after being selected 23rd overall by the Chiefs. Who cares what place he went in the Draft... he went to the freaking Minnesota Chiefs. A team who has imploded over the last few days or weeks! I don't know much about the situation but it seems grim or dire! Of course, they tell us that it isn't as bad as it looks. Players are re-signing and many think the Chiefs had an amazing second round Draft overall! Even though Minnesota won an appeal, to the Head Office, they still got fined and punished. Not nearly as bad as the original sentence but it certainly isn't something one could consider a good thing. Can they work their way out of it and come out smelling like a rose? Most likely but it would seem it would take five to ten seasons to see any progress. Personally, I think they are doomed for ten seasons plus but I've been wrong before. Many, many times. I had to type many twice, for the extra cash! Of course I had to tell you that I typed the word many, twice, for more cash. You see how easy this "Media Blank" is??? You type words... they pay you money!

     I know, I know... when are we going to get serious and break down Jon Forty-One and talk about him alone since this is his exclusive? Well, nobody is reading this! Wait... you mean the user name Nobody is reading this?? That's Great! I hope he is enjoying it!? Anyways, ok, back to Jon-Forty One... wait a second I meant Jon Forty-One... WTF! The truth is it is 4:15 am here in Vegas and I got nothing better to do so I continue on with this report and keep earning that money since I have to make 17 million per year to pay all my expenses. I just had to tell the Specters that I wanted the league minimum contract for life didn't I? That was smart. I will show this league how to do it, LOL!! Are we ever going to get to Jon Forty-One? Yes we are but I have to type out his name Forty-One times! He had that stipulated in the contract before he would sign and get his easy paycheck. Greedy Bastard! Hope his Cult steals all his money and moves to the North Pole to live with that Jolly Mother you know what!

     What is this? Is this the fourth paragraph now promising to break down his player and his player's statistics? Ok, here we go! I just have to open a few windows and take the time to actually scout Mr. Jon Forty-One but why do that when I can just keep continuing on with my innuendos and what I think is funny!? Seriously though, here we go! As promised less than 24 hours ago. This story is starting to morph on me and grow in the way of word count! I will never be able to catch up with the likes of Kandinsky and Siberia Sports but I am betting I pump out more media on a weekly basis. Time will tell and hopefully they don't buy us out. Although, my disdain for the Evil Empire, known as Sports Canada could care less if Siberia Sports takes over the flipping world!

     Another paragraph... another paycheck and another promise of a Jon Forty-One breakdown. Are you reading this? I highly doubt it but we will see a few posts saying something like... "Great Read" or "Well Written" and "Keep Up The Good Work", you know, the usual manure that we all enjoy bathing in and think our own manure don't stink! 

     This time we are going to get it done! Mr. Jon Forty-One, the completely unknown or unsung hero that got dissed in the 48th Entry Draft and became a household name with his foul, dirty mouth! Most of this information has been published in other Media or Articles but we are going to showcase his talent and ambition, for all to see. That is, if they care and have the ability to stay focused, on reading an article, that means nothing, this long! According to word counter, we are at about 1200 words and I think this still falls under Double Media, which is pretty Sweet! I seen the SMJHL Double Media goes till the 12th but could not find the deadline for the SHL 2x Media Promotion! 

     We did it again! Another paragraph and nothing about the Player, Mr. Jon Forty-One! This time we are going to get it done! Jon Forty-One is the Player Name! His Render is... who cares? He didn't list one and I can't figure out who the Canuck is on his signature! That is basically an Impostor who is masquerading as a Whaler! This whole thing is confusing. Vancouver, has a team, with the same name, logo and colors that was Hartford. I appreciate it though as I enjoy a good fantasy weaved from reality. So, Jon Forty-One plays for Vancouver and now is owned by the Minnesota Chiefs. I am not sure if it is official yet as I haven't checked the contract signings. I do know that if he doesn't sign it isn't official.

     So he uses the user name @C9Van and has the Cloud9 as his avatar. He is listed as a Right Winger but in this league, all offensive players turn into Forwards who become Centers. At least that is the rumor. He did not list anyone as a recruiter, so Super Agent @StamkosFan dropped the ball on this one! Forty-One is his Jersey number... duuuhhh! Six Foot, One Inch Tall and 190 pounds soaking wet. This means, that Zarley Zalapski, will be targeting him in the future, with hopes of running him into the boards, on his way to the penalty box! Jon Forty-One hails from the UK... F-ing Brits! He claims to be an Offensive Forward but since he dropped so far in the draft, I highly doubt he has proven any type of offensive power. His Strengths are: Shooting, Passing and Puck Handling! Get the Puck outta here! His weakness is Checking just like sixty percent of the league. Seems to be all the rage. I hear that Strength, is the counter to Checking but I also hear that all that matters in this league is Scoring, Skating and Puck Handling. Who knows and who really cares! I'm here for the likes and subscribes!

     Let's look at his current TPE and TPE Attributes for all Categories. I would of deleted the "DU = Durability: 50 (do not add TPE here, injuries are turned off)" but words are money man!! Did you hear me?? Words, Typed Out EQUAL Big Dollars!!

Points Available: 3

CK = Checking: 41
FG = Fighting: 25
DI = Discipline: 62
SK = Skating: 62
ST = Strength: 48
EN = Endurance: 60
DU = Durability: 50 (do not add TPE here, injuries are turned off)
PH = Puck Handling: 62
FO = Face Offs: 60
PA = Passing: 67
SC = Scoring: 67
DF = Defense: 76
PS = Penalty Shot: 50


     This looks more like a good Defensive Build! I think GMs are looking at this build and upset that his scoring and passing are the exact same value!? This creates a problem in the sim world and the player gets confused on if they should pass or shoot. Personally, this issue may need to be addressed before the season starts. I certainly do not want to help any competition of the Militia but I'd rather make Mr. Jon Forty-One an Ally rather than an Enemy. Of course one could argue, with Friends like "Jon Forty-One", who needs Enemies!? Endurance could be an issue but since he told us he is only averaging about eight minutes per game, perhaps Endurance doesn't mean Jack. I do know that when or if you get called up to the SHL, you certainly need high Endurance or your player will just be gassed and putting his hand up to get off of the ice. Usually sucking on the oxygen mask, trying to recover! Wait a minute!? That is the NFL not the SHL or NHL. Hockey Players don't use Oxygen!! Ooooh, over 1800 words and still going! One of my longest articles yet. I usually just like to belt out 500 to 1000 words on a bi-daily basis but this is good too! These attributes can be corrected before the start of Season 48 and if he has enough money he can redistribute the values at the rate of 100k per TPE Point. This is where the League gets your hard earned Media Cash! That rate, trumps the 1000 dollar a word rate!!

     Now let's take a look at his timeline. He joined up on April 18, 2019. The Draft was on June 5th of 2019. So this is 46/47 days of TPE Earning time. Where is that other break down by Mr. @Lemonade... he had all these stats nicely type out. Hold for conformation! Alright, here we go! He listed him at 48 days so I must be counting funny!? One of us is wrong! I'm never wrong so it's Lemonade for sure! 243 TPE listed right before the start of the draft which was good for 8th position in the Winger Department! I am not sure but I know that 255 TPE tied for 14th out of 54 possible picks listed, so I would think 243 TPE would be pretty close to the 23rd pick in the Draft. Now we are starting to see, how the numbers never lie! The issue is activity and the crapshoot is trying to figure out who is going to go inactive, never to be heard from again. I can't back this up but the numbers are in the 50% to 70% rate of players busting out by year 3! I could be wrong about that. Those percentages are just a gut observation but I would love to actually go back ten drafts and crunch the numbers on the subject! So where was I? Twenty Third Pick, lines up pretty close to the TPE placement, compared to his class. Activity seems a bit low and the current Bank Account listed was only a Cool Million, right before Draft Day. Kevin Costner anyone?? So, this could of been a red flag, as well, against Jon Forty-One!? Did I type his name out Forty-One times yet? Are you counting? Are you still reading! I doubt it!! Looking over the Season Only Stats of 50 games and the Vancouver Roster you can see this user may have chose the wrong position to play or at least got picked up by a team already stacked with Offense. It seems, Jon Forty-One, is a victim of the Log Jam problem that the league is plagued with? However, does that warrant expansion? Personally, I don't think so. You keep expanding and you keep watering down the talent and eventually fold the entire league. I feel it is better to put users through the grinder, testing them, to see if they will actually stick this out, doing tons of work for nothing, other than the sheer glory from other self absorbed users. As a matter of fact, I am in favor of a pay for play league but I know it would never happen since that would cause a riot and immediate disinterest. Funny how the VHL has people forking up donations EVERY SEASON!! I know I forked over 20 US Dollars to their cause so I could get a 25% increase in immediate TPE but I'm a sicko! Imagine my Joy, when they announced to change the rate to the Canuck Dollar!! That means they almost cut the donation rate in half at 12 US Dollars now for the same TPE increase. Of course, the longer you play in the league, the less the Donation TPE increase matters. In fact the more seasons you play the less you need to every donate according to the numbers. Personally I say let people buy a player if they want. I would keep handing them twenty dollar bills to buy a player but like I said before... I'm sick!

     Back to the player, known as Jon-Forty One, after that rant and break down of useless information. Gee Whiz, when I said do a write up on Jon-Forty One... I had no idea it would go this far or this long! So he averaged just over 10 minutes for 50 games of his first season. Not really bad for being late to the party and on a team plagued with Forwards. I mean we are talking 17 Forwards to 7 Defensemen! 17 Forwards with four lines rolling... well that only needs 12 right? So you are up Sheet Creek without a paddle if you are on a 17 man roster! Honestly, when I think about it, I am amazed he got a 10 minute average for ice time. Truly Impressive from his Coaches and GMs. He is on a team with @slothfacekilla aka, Jimmy Slothface and we all know that NOLA player is going to be a star and is going to get all the ice time in the past season 47! I was looking at Sloth but can't figure out what happened? It looked like he bounced around between 3 or 4 teams before landing up in New Orleans. Whatever that was, I hope he stays in the Big Easy, for the remainder of his career! WTF MAN!? 2700 words and still going? Will the madness end? I hope so and I hope it is very soon! I have to type out "it is" instead of it's just to get the extra thousand. Sick, Twisted and Perverted!! 

     With the Ice Time that Jon Forty-One was given, he garnished 5 goals, 3 assists for a total of 8 points. Comparing that to Zarley Zalpaski we see Zarley averaged approximately 15 minutes on ice with 1 goal and 17 assists with a total of 18 points. That was as a Third Line Defensive Player compared to a Fourth Line Offensive Player. Does 50% more ice time on average really translate to this difference in statistics. I dunno, I am just trying to push the Zalapski agenda into the hearts and minds of the Players and GMs of both leagues, so sue me! Zarley finished with a plus 4 rating and we see Jon Forty-One finished with a minus 8!? Forty-One had 12 minutes in the box. He dished out 31 hits and got pounded only 18 times. Not too bad actually, at a rate of almost two to one, in favor of Jon Forty-One!! He took a total of 37 shots on net and ended up with 13.51 shot percentage! Fights... I dunno... I never look at that league favorite stat. Since I pissed everyone off in the Game 1 SMJHL play by play by overlooking that stat I will just continue to snub Fighting for the rest of my Media Career!

     I think after breaking down these basic numbers it is safe to say that going 23rd in the Draft was either better than expected or right on par for the course. However, it is apparent that wasn't the issue with Mr. Forty-One. The issue at hand was the mind games played by the staff and general managers making Forty-One think he was valued more than he really was. I think we all can fall into that trap form time to time and I myself even caused a Media Strike over some frivolous garbage. I was so enraged that I deleted three Media threads causing myself 2 to 3 million in virtual cash just because... F'em! I don't care about money. This article is worth 3 to 6 million so who gives a flying fudge? My point is the league is going to draft or value the re-creates far more than the first gens in the long run. That is just the facts and the way it is. Life isn't fair. We here at Sports Canada felt that Zarley Zalapski was easily a top 8th pick but the Specters chose @Huck24 over him. Zarley don't give a sheet because it all worked out in the end as they both ended up on the same team. Do players get anything for going 8th over 20th in the Draft? Not that I am aware of! It is going to be fun to pound this site with Media and Updates making Zarley a force to be reckoned with. Zarley vowed to take the league minimum with the stipulation that NOLA could never trade him forcing them into a no trade clause at every signing or negotiation. That's the plan anyway. Who knows what is in store next for anyone as the bomb could be dropped on us at any moment! This is, Jim Jabroni, reporting for Sports Canada and as always folks... remember to drill the hole first before you go Ice Fishing!



     

What kind of weird and stupid name is Jon Forty-One?

Newbies these days...

Proud S67 - S69 Colorado Raptors Captain 
S57 Forward of the Season Award winner 

Now I am free <3

I'll be expecting that spice

Sig Credit: Flappy (EVO) and Skolpaddor (RESO)

EMEKA VALENTINE-OKOLI/PLAYER

First SMJHL Goal: Colorado Raptors, Emeka Valentine-Okoli 1 (Mikelis Ozoliņš 4, Loki Odinsson 3) at 3:12, 2nd Period (GWG) / SMJHL S47 Game 47 Day 12: Colorado Raptors vs Detroit Falcons
First SHL Goal: Texas Renegades, Emeka Valentine-Okoli 1 (Josef Kubinec 5, Ricky Spanish 4) at 16:23, 2nd Period / SHL S51 Game 71 Day 16: Edmonton Blizzard vs Texas Renegades

Eternal , onwards we roll

And Let's Retire at the Pinnacle

WOW! I kinda went nuts and typed out over 3000 words... PAY ME!!

Damn you really wrote a lot. TY for doing this on me though buddy

Also IC Jon now fucking hates you too for saying he went around where he should have :(

Proud S67 - S69 Colorado Raptors Captain 
S57 Forward of the Season Award winner 

Now I am free <3

Damn you really wrote a lot. TY for doing this on me though buddy

Also IC Jon now fucking hates you too for saying he went around where he should have :(

LOL not only saying it but trying to prove it with the statistics.

Ironically you play for the Chiefs... Slapshot Anyone!? (Charlestown Chiefs)
Hanson Brothers?? 
See you on the Ice, Mr. Forty One @C9Van I'll be the one trying to take your eye out with my stick!!
You know, just like, Tim... "Doctor Hook"... McCracken!!

What a draft pick