We’ve gone as far from the Sun as Uranus, but let’s go even farther. In the icy depths of the solar system, we travel to our farthest object yet. This frozen, small, icy planet can be barely inside the orbit of Neptune, or it can be much more distant, over seven billion kilometers from the Sun. Even this far from the Sun, the sunlight illuminates the surface to be about as bright as the evening dusk of sunset on Earth, which could be surprising for visitors. Of course, we’re talking about Pluto.

Wait, you’ve never heard of the planet Pluto? It has never appeared in your textbooks? Right… this just in. Pluto has not been a planet for nearly thirteen years now. Oops…

I grew up with it being the ninth and final planet, but I was one of the last to learn the solar system this way. We had nine planets, from Mercury to Pluto. A few years later, Pluto was not a planet. And Pluto should have never been a planet to begin with. Its presence in the list was really more of a historical accident than anything else. If Pluto were to be discovered now, we would not call it a planet.

Pluto does not orbit the Sun alone. It has a companion just over half of its size and an eighth of its mass, Charon. In fact, Charon is so large compared to Pluto that it doesn’t exactly orbit Pluto. Pluto and Charon orbit each other a bit, like a binary dwarf planet or a double dwarf planet. Together, they have four much smaller moons - Styx, Nix, Kerberos, and Hydra, making for a total of six objects in this tight-knit orbital family. Hydra is the largest of the four, but it is still very small, only 51 km wide at its longest point. Charon is over 1200 km in diameter, Pluto nearly 2400 km. Pluto is in fact smaller than seven moons of the planets. These seven are our own Moon, the four largest moons of Jupiter (Io, Europa, Ganymede, and Callisto), Saturn’s moon Titan, and Neptune’s moon Triton. And even if we were to exclude Pluto from the list of planets, Ganymede and Titan are still larger than Mercury. Despite all of this, Pluto still makes it in the top 20 largest things in the solar system.

Pluto and Charon rotate in sync, with one side always facing the other. A full orbit of Charon, and thus a full day on Pluto or Charon, takes about a week. From one side of Pluto, Charon would be above you and very large in the sky, remaining in the same place as it went through its phases. On the other side of Pluto, Charon would never be seen. The same would be true on Charon with Pluto.

Pluto’s orbit is tilted 17 degrees compared to the planets of the solar system. Combined with a rotational axis that is nearly perfectly sideways, Pluto has some intense seasons. As Pluto was at its closest approach to the Sun, it passed its spring equinox in the northern hemisphere. Since then, Pluto’s northern hemisphere has been getting more direct sunlight as summer approaches. However, Pluto is moving farther away from the Sun. Things are actually getting colder with this less intense summer sunlight, so much so that Pluto’s thin blue nitrogen atmosphere will freeze solid and collapse to the surface in a blanket of fresh ice and snow in a few years. Winter will see a thawing of this snow back into a nitrogen atmosphere. To see it, you’d have to be willing to wait 200 years. Things orbit very slowly out here.

The surface of Pluto has a complex geology. Not all of the planet- er, sorry, dwarf planet is a smooth icy surface. One of the first things you notice is that there are very bright regions and very dark regions, with a lot of contrast. Pluto appears a brownish color - chocolate ice cream, both light and very dark, would be a good analogy to what you’d see across the surface. Pluto has canyons, mountains, possibly ice volcanoes, some large craters in the darker regions (although the surface is incredibly smooth), large blankets and fields of ice, and much more. Pluto would be very interesting to look at. Charon is more uniform and a single greyish-beige color. There’s a large canyon across its equator whose cliffs rival Miranda’s, and the large region around the north pole is a darker reddish-brown color.

Pluto’s surface is mostly rock and nitrogen ice, with traces of carbon monoxide ice and methane ice. There are some deposits of water ice, but water is dominant on Charon, which has a much larger supply of it. A rink will be no issue on this frozen world.

Time for the game, held in a nice, cozy indoor rink. It was going to be Pluto vs. Titan, but with Titan’s ban continuing this week, we’re playing Mars. Let’s watch these two planets battle it out. Oh come on, again with the minor things! Pluto isn’t a planet, yes, I know. I shouldn’t have said these two planets. What should I have said? These two… worlds? I’ll go with that.

Mars has arrived and is getting out on the ice. A roster has been provided, thankfully translated into most of the major interplanetary languages, including English. I’m reading it now. One of the Martian players is laughing at me. Should I be concerned? Eh, must be nothing.

First period and Pluto wins the faceoff. A bit surprising since Pluto’s gravity is sixteen times weaker than Earth’s, and Mars’s gravity is only a third as strong as Earth’s, but still, their home planet’s gravity is six times stronger than Pluto’s. I thought Mars should have clearly won it, but I suppose being an iceball has your advantages when it comes to hockey.

Mars struggles a bit to keep things up, and this guy from Mars charges straight into the boards by accident! Thankfully, there is no damage. I suspect Mars will have the advantage in strength, but Pluto will have the advantage in gravity and ice knowledge. He’s moving forward, and a goal!

Mars 1, Pluto 0.

Faceoff again, deliberate icing. Start over. Faceoff again, Mars takes it, sends it to Kleshno. Kleshno takes it and passes it to Gifuro. Gifuro goes straight for the goalie who is distracted enough to win a goal! Pluto’s first goal. The end of the first period is near, with a tied score.

Second period. Mars is on the other side now, trying to intimidate Pluto into surrender. Wait, this is not war! Pluto won’t surrender! Your military tactics are interesting, Mars. I know you’re the Roman god of war and all of that, but come on.

Faceoff. Mars wins and he loses balance and falls head first onto the ice! No serious injuries. He gets up and continues playing. Pluto continues. Dimo passing to Kleshno, Mars intercepts. Mars tries to… what is Mars doing? One of the players went off of the ice and bought an ice melting device? I think? He tries to activate it. It doesn’t work. He swears the ice is too cold for him to skate on properly. Pluto says it doesn’t work like that and bans the device. No punishment will be issued to the player due to failure to activate according to Plutonian rules. Had it activated, the player would sit out the rest of the game.

The refs are confused.

Pluto swears this happens in most games. Historically, I would not think so at the pro level. I mean Pluto is colder than most other objects, but still that doesn’t allow you t- wait, what did I miss?

A goal from Mars! Wait, it’s being disputed.

And the Martian goal is not counted due to a minor technicality. One of the players is making a phone call to their mom I think.

Pluto scores another goal, skating around the Martian players. And a second goal a few minutes later. The second period ends.

Third period. Pluto scores yet again, the Martian players losing energy. Then they start… fleeing the ice in one direction? What kind of play is th-

CRASH.

A Martian tank has rolled into the arena, demolishing the ice rink. What in the actual- Mars, was this what the phone call was about?

Wait, that’s allowed under Martian rules? You’re allowed to bring in the military to win? The hell is this? Well, thanks to you, the rest of the game will be held outside.
After a bit of rage, Mars stumbles and falls, irritated that their plan to cheat did not work. Pluto wins easily.

Plutonians are calling for the Martian head coach to be fired and a new rule created and enforced saying tanks are not allowed in the rink.

The motion quickly passes. Mars will find a new head coach, and tanks are now banned. Because it was not technically illegal at the time, Mars’s team will not be subject to any punishment other than the removal of their coach.

Mars will invite us to Titan for the next game, after Titan’s ban from hockey ends in a few days. Titan is looking forward to us, and then we can get back on schedule. After that, Mars will invite us to their planet for a game.

Next episode: Titan. After that, Mars.

S48 Four Star Cup Champion (Vancouver Whalers)

LOL... Pluto isn't a planet! Nice Touch!

Thanks.

S48 Four Star Cup Champion (Vancouver Whalers)