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spidey · 03-11-2023, 03:45 PM

Round 3 of the elimination Where to go (Draftee Choice) tournament bracket. We are onto the semifinals now, so far, we have compared logos/jerseys to eliminate teams in the first round. We saw some great organizations get knocked out early because their logos were not up to snuff. The second round we looked at the 100% factual history of each remaining organization and how they best suited our draftee. Now with the 3rd round underway we look at one of the most important aspects of any SMJHL organization, which animal would win in a fight!

Eliminated:
Colorado Barney Wannabes Raptors

Detroit Scared Chickens Falcons

Maine Skating Poops Timber

Quebec City Nopes Citadelles

St. Louis Beelzebillies Scarecrows

Vancouver I am not sure what’s Whalers

Anchorage It’s so hard to win tug boats Armada

Grizzlies Don’t touch anything in their locker rooms

Newfoundland I'm gutfounded. Fire up a scoff. Berserkers

Yukon Where is the crowd? Malamutes

Pool A:

Carolina Kraken vs Kelowna Knights Knights

Pool B:

Nevada Battleborn vs Regina Elks Elk

We have brought in special commentator Pepper Brooks to help bring the fights to life as we apply them in a special simulator that will help predict an accurate showing of each winner.
“Whoa, its great to be here, thanks for having me, Cotton.”
Cotton isn’t here Pepper, it is just you, focus for a minute.
“Ok, ooh look my Pizza just got here. You got $30 bucks to pay the man?”

Ok looking at the first round we have Carolina Kraken vs the Kelowna Knights! The Kraken is a mythological titan first wrote about by King Sverre of Norway. Its legend has grown throughout the years. Believed to be strong enough to destroy ships and eating the entire crew. They were likely based on real animals being boastfully overblown most likely this was a Giant Squid.

Knights were armor clad warriors riding on horseback during medieval times. While there have been soldiers on horseback for generations before the medieval knights came around the first true Knight was King Charlemagne. These original tanks of the battlefield were nearly unstoppable with their plate mail armor and double-edged swords, often those boasting who had the most knights would win a war. In Mythology knights were able to fight dragons, trolls and other mythological beasts.

“Whoa, we have a problem, horses cannot run in water, and I am pretty sure metal would be too heavy to float. How are the Knights going to battle the Kraken?”

For this battle we are fighting on a shallow beach side. The Kraken who can survive on land, is still in the water, about knee deep, the Knights are on horseback. Because a team can only have 6 players on the ice at once during hockey it will be 6 knights vs the Kraken.

“Ok, makes sense.”

A giant Kraken has washed ashore during the summer solstice in England, on looker’s marvel at the 30-foot beast as it struggles to get its bearings on land. A child comes up to the lumbering monster and pokes the Kraken with a stick, and in a flash the Kraken’s leg shoots out and send the child flying 15 feet to crash on dry sand. Luckily the child is only bruised. With the child’s screams other onlookers scream in terror as the beast starts to flail about, finally one of its tentacles grabs a man who rushes at it with a big stick. The suction cups grip his leg, as the tentacles wrap around it, instantly crushing it. He lifts the man to the sky and with a sickening thud the man is smashed to the ground. The beach goers reel and run for their lives as crunching sound is heard as the man is devoured!

“Ahh protect me, Cotton!” Once again this is a simulation Pepper, nothing can hurt you. “Oh good, that beast is scary.”

Luckily for the beach crowd a group of knights were on patrol and heard the noise from the nearby woods. They rush through the brush and see the towering monstrosity. One of the horses kicks back but the expert equestrian Knight is able to keep himself in the saddle and help calm the horse. The 6 knights look at each other and with a nod, charge at the 30-foot beast.

Luckily for the Knights the Kraken is distracted by his appetizer as it devours the man from the beach, and the ocean is a little rough today; strong enough to push a Kraken towards the shore, the crashing waves and heavy wind cover up the sound of the charging horses.

“That sounds like the woman I was with last night, I didn’t even here my wife come in, love you hunny!” Seriously Pepper, why did we bring you in.

The first knight hacks at a nearby Tentacle and the Kraken screeches in pain! The meal is over, and the Kraken is able to quickly track all the knights as they surround its monstrous body with its two eyes that gives it nearly perfect 360 degree view. The Kraken quickly moves its injured limb under its body and starts lashing out with the other ones.

Knight one is able to lift his sword and meet a crashing tentacle as it slams down towards him. He sticks the sword hallway through the meaty body part. Luckily the knight falls off his horse and rolls to the side as the Tentacle crushes the horse breaking two of its legs, and four ribs, as well as giving it severe internal injuries.

Knight two is caught between two tentacles as they sandwich him. His armor is dented so heavily it compresses his innards, the Kraken wraps its two Tentacles one around his body and the other around his head; and pulls. Without too much effort the head is popped off as the Knight goes limp.

Knight three places his shield in front of himself to block a trusting tentacle like a lance in a joust. As he deflects the attack, he shoves his sword into the beast’s limb and runs it down the side.

Knight four sees the tentacle swing out and wrap around his horse. He is quick to jump off before his legs are trapped with the animal. The beast squeezes the horse as it winces and screams in pain. The Kraken quickly picks up the animal and launches the horse into the ocean ripping off chunks of flesh where the suction cups attached.

Knight five’s horse is hit with a side swipe, from the Kraken, causing the knight to fly forward in the air. He manages to land on his back on the ground and rolls beneath the kraken.

Knight six the did the original damage is now swiping attacks on a nearby Tentacle back and forth keeping it at bay, but not doing much more than flesh wounds as the beast now knows he is there.

“WHOA, do we get some calamari after the show” Damn it Pepper add something useful!

Knight one pulls out his dirk and jabs it into the Tentacle that his sword is buried into. The Kraken lifts his tentacle into the air, carrying the Knight up as he holds onto his dirk. In desperation the Knight reaches for his sword. Just as he grabs it the Kraken’s other Tentacle wraps around his leg. Kraken pulls at him with all his might crushing the armor around the leg. The Knight’s grip slips, but he is able to grab the sword as he drops his dirk and yanks at it with all of his might. Pulling it free of the beasts Tentacle! The Kraken drops the Knight to the ground, and he thuds heavily for a second time, as he struggles to keep awake.

Knight three continues his charge at the beast, but the Kraken rolls to its side. He is moving to fast and can’t stop, as the Kraken catches the knights with its mighty beak. The knight slashes with this sword, damaging all around the beast’s mouth as the beak slowly breaks through the armor. With one final desperate attempt the Knight reaches into the beast’s mouth and jabs it on the inside, but the Knight is too late and the beast clamps down killing another knight.

Knight four is in the blind spot of the Kraken as it rolled over and it’s head it exposed. He jabs his sword into the beast’s head and runs up the side of it. The Kraken starts to reel in pain and quickly thrash about in desperation. The knight is picked up off the ground but in desperation clings to his sword as he is thrown back and forth.

Knight five was about to lay a killing hit to the beast from underneath until the Kraken rolled over, in doing so he rolled right on top of the Knight and the monster immense weight was enough to kill the Knight instantly. Leaving a flattened metal shell oozing blood and flesh.

Knight six had worked his way up to the main body of the beast with parries and strikes, but the beast rolled, and three tentacles pushed him back. Knocking him off his horse. He rolls to his feet to find the beast is thrashing widely. He knows this look before, he has hunted many animals and the beast is nearing death. He rushes in shield high to block attacks and aims his 2-foot-long sword as straight as he can.

“Oh man, I want to cheer on the Knights, but you know I feel for the Kraken there he was sunbathing enjoying a few snacks and some guys just showed up and try and ruin his party, not cool Knights.” Pepper his snack were people… “Oh yeah, that’s bad.”

Knight one manages to get to his hands and knees, picks up his sword, as he puts pressure on the hilt to stand up, one of the flailing tentacles crashes down on him, driving the hilt through his chest plate and killing the knight.

Knight three who is being thrown back and forth by the sword stuck to side of the beast’s head loses his grip with one hand. He quickly reaches down and pulls out his dirk, driving it into the beast for another grip point like a mountain climber using two picks. Quickly he yanks his sword free and with one hand on the dirk, the other on the sword he shoves the sword into the open wound as hard as he can, driving the sword deeper into the head of the Kraken fully pushing his arm, through the new opening as he pushes it deeper.

Knight six is running at full steam plunges the sword into the beast’s side, sword bends as it slams against the beast’s side but eventually straightens as it plunges into the Kraken. The beast innards start to pour out as knight starts slashing and hacking it to bits.

The Kraken wails and rolls, half cut tentacles rip in two and fall off, intestines and blood oozing out. It manages flop onto Knight three crushing the bottom half of the Knights body and pushing the top half deeper into the Kraken, which is enough to push the knight’s sword deeper to finally pierce the heart of the mighty beast.

Knight six manages to step back from beside the beast, even then he is not safe as the final convolutions from the Kraken shove the Knight backwards, luckily it is no more than a heavy pushy for the defeated beast as the Kraken’s limbs fall to the ground and finally goes silent.

“KNIGHTS WIN! SWEET, all is safe on the beach, we don’t even need a bigger boat!” …Thanks Pepper.

Winner: Knights

Knights

Nevada Battleborn vs Regina Elks

Big Horn Sheep can grow to be a little over 3 feet tall, but don’t let their smaller size fool you, they are a battering ram on 4 legs, weighing in at over 300 pounds. These animals are experts of maneuvering through rocky terrain. And when they strike, they can hit with over 900 lbs of pressure.

Elks are no slouches either, coming in at 5 feet tall weighing over 500 lbs. They do not have the same power that a Big Horn Sheep has, but they have incredibly large antlers with more points, the can ram with them or utilize them in a slashing motion to inflict multiple cuts and stab wounds to their attackers.

“Aww look at the pretty animals, can I go and pet them?”

No Pepper, these are wild animals you cannot pet them. Many tourists are injured every year because they try such foolish things. The Antlers on the top can easily gouge a human. They are much stronger than us, and they would trample you once you are knocked down.

“So…they wouldn’t want to be pet?”

An elk and big horn sheep meet in a meadow along a mountain path. They have both been searching for food, and while the meadow is big enough for the both of them, neither one is in the mood to share.

The Elk carefully and cautiously brings its head down and lowers it. It slowly starts to make its way towards the Sheep. The Sheep has other plans. He waits for the Elk to get closer. The Elk closes the distance, 30 feet slowly becomes 20 feet, the 10 feet.

The Sheep waits until the Elk is 5 feet away and springs into action. Lifting his head and front legs up, the Ram crashes down on the Elk with 900 pounds of pressure, it should be a one shot kill. Luckily for the Elk, his head was in the right place and the mighty antlers of the Elk manage to take the blow, pushing the animal back but it is no worse for wear.

“I am pretty sure I can punch harder than that. Check this out Cotton!” *Punches the wall* “Ahhhhhhh! Did I break it?” Maybe your hand, but not the wall.

The Elk on instinct starts to shake his head back and forth creating a sword swiping action with the multiple points of his antlers at the Ram. The Ram manages to back up just in time as one of the points grazes its eye but does not connect.

The Ram starts to circle the Elk looking for an opportunity to hit it once again, aiming to find a weak point and make it a clean hit. The Elk is not falling victim to this tactic and follows the Sheep keeping its antlers between them. The Big Horn Sheep is getting impatient, but unless he lands a clean blow, he is no match for the Elk that is nearly twice his size.

Finally, the Sheep bucks back and attacks landing another hit on an antler, this time shattering a piece of the antler, unfortunately the sheep’s horn has gotten tangled in the antler. The Elk unphased thrashes violently side to side with its head down, this time scratching and tearing at the flesh of the sheep face and neck. The Ram in desperation thrash its body, kick and jumping and turning until it manages to kick loose. Bleeding badly from the cut quickly turns to run, but the Elk is having none of it. He charges the Big Horn Sheep sticking one Antler into its hind quarters spinning and knocking the Big Horn sheep to the ground in a circular pool of blood!

The Big Horn Sheep is defenseless unable to get back to his feet. The Elk moves in for the kill, but out of no where the sheep starts chanting, his eyes glow red, a swell of dark magic flows out of the bloody circle that surrounded the beast.

“AHHH Devil goat! I knew it these are Devil goats!”

The Bighorn Sheep is surrounded as darkness flows from the circle and completely consumes the Sheep, swallowing it into an open void that appears below him. Out of the void reaches a muscular arm with sharpened nails. The arm jets out and grabs the elk plunging the fingers deep into the sides of the animal. The Elk tries to run, but the arm is too strong. It picks up the 500 lbs animal and slams it to the ground holding it in place. A second arm reaches out of the void and grabs the beasts head, the Elk bleats in terror. The second hand twists the head until it pops off from the body. The arms lift the Elk above the dark void and allow the blood to poor in first, a loud gulping sound can be heard deep within the recess of the void. Slowly the arms bring the lifeless body of the Elk into the void. Where a moment later there is a loud crunching sound from within. A bright light flashes and the Big Horn Sheep gets up as if nothing were wrong and bounce away, with a little blood still on his lips.

“Why do I feel so cold all of a sudden?”

Winner:

Battleborn!

Hail Satan

Tomorrow, Final Round!

ACapitalChicago · 03-11-2023, 04:44 PM

HAIL SATAN

S66 Damian Littleton

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***sköldpaddor*** · 03-11-2023, 04:53 PM

HAIL SATAN

Samsung virtual assistant · 03-12-2023, 12:08 PM

Satanism baad mkay

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