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Thelastheraclid · 09-26-2019, 09:56 AM

The spirits of the anagram realm are calling out to me again. That can only mean that it is time yet again for another SHL entry draft. The future is uncertain and the spirits are fickle. They are mysterious, cryptic, and sometimes contradicting. I will do my best to decipher them in order to better inform the general managers of the league on the decisions that they have made. I have gone into this trance without any knowledge (stats, positions, country of origin) of these rookies clouding my mind.

1. Winnipeg Jets (via Hamilton Steelhawks) - Adam Barron
The first overall pick could have some behavioral problems to work out. The spirits are telling me “a random bar”, “a random bar”, and “a born drama”. Most likely this will just be a phase for the young SHLer but who knows? “Armbarnado” could be the spirits seeing some serious fights in Barron’s future.

2. Texas Renegades - Ivan Maximus
“sum avian mix” tells me that Maximus was destined to be drafted by either West Kendall or Hamilton but that did not end up happening. What should the Renegades do with Ivan? I think there is some dark past surrounding this guy. “Mum via ax sin”? “Us van mix ma I”? “Sun via mix ma”? What the fuck happened with this dude’s mom?

3. San Francisco Pride - Henrik Lekberg Osterman
I don’t think the spirits are quite as high on HLO as the Pride are. First off, I am being told “shrinkable meek torn erg”. HLO may not be cut out to stand up for himself in the SHL and injury worries could stem from that. Sifting through the noise I am also getting “shirtmaker kennel or beg”. The spirits seem to be saying that HLO has some power to become a fan favorite in regards to shirtmaker but that he may be in the dog house with the coaching staff or front office. There is a possibility that shirtmaker refers to dropping out of the SHL altogether and becoming an actual hippy shirtmaker with “shirtmaker kneeler bong”.

4. Toronto North Stars - Bobby Lane
The anagrams spirits appear to be a fan of Bobby Lane. Right off the bat they are telling me he is a “nobly babe”. The trainers are going to be a fan of Lane. “Obey lb ban” tells me that Lane is going to take his training regimen very seriously. Bobby is going to be your standard tight lipped, canned response kind of guy, “bye on blab”, which could be good or bad. Lane looks to be your standard regular joe kind of player.

5. Chicago Syndicate - Ryan Shepard
The spirits want Shepard to work on his shot, “harden spray”. Ryan could have off ice personal issues with a future girlfriend thanks to “snared harpy”. It could cause some locker room issues and chase a franchise defenseman from a team possibly. He could also become a well known playboy thanks to “deny rash rap”. He needs to remember to wrap it up. “Handy pas err” tells me that the spirits think Shepard has a knack for dishing the puck. “Pansy harder” could be trying to say that there is little to no grit in Shepard’s game.

6. Buffalo Stampede (via Minnesota Chiefs) - Augustus Wang
Augustus Wang should steer clear of the United States during the summer months. The spirits are most concerned about his welfare and not his SHL career. “Gut saw gun USA” is pretty clear to me. Keep security on young Augustus at all games played in the states.

7. Los Angeles Panthers - Disisde Dayudie
Dayudie looks to be a playmaker according to the spirits. They seem to think he will play well with someone named Eddy, “I issued Eddy aid”. The spirits are also saying there are some family issues here. “I die daddy issue” and “Adieu sis I’d dyed”. Oh god whoever Eddy turns out to be and Dayudie’s sister have to be careful! “Eddy sis Audi die” is as clear cut as you get from the spirits.

8. Los Angeles Panthers (via West Kendall Platoon) - Vorian Atreides
Atreides looks to be a consistent player in the SHL, “deviations rare”. He may be good, he may be bad, but either way he will be consistent. I hope that Vorian opts to play with a visor because the spirits are saying “a renovated iris”. Eye problems can ruin careers; be careful kid. Atreided may be playing with some cutting edge skating technology, “renovated radii”. Maybe that is going to give him some extra speed to work with on the ice. In the end the spirits seem to disagree with him being picked at number 8. “I is an overrated” is pretty clear but as always the spirits contradict themselves also saying “I star endeavor I”.

9. Hamilton Steelhawks (via Tampa Bay Barracuda) - Hariken Urawa
Urawa seems to be quite involved in American politics, “a Warren haiku”. It is fitting that he was drafted by Hamilton with the spirits saying “I a a hawk rerun.” Maybe Urawa will draw parallels to a great Steelhawk from days past. Unfortunately, he may not be such a fan of where the Steelhawks are in the league hierarchy, “hawk are a ruin”. The spirits also seem to be saying that Urawa will be going to Getzlaf route in aging with “a weak hair run”. He won’t have a sick flow for long.

10. Winnipeg Jets - Ricky Bobby
The spirits are pretty quiet on Ricky Bobby. I think they are implying that he is going to be rather childish when he first comes into the league with “rocky by bib” and “brick boy by”. They are being rather obtuse on the number ten pick.

11. Calgary Dragons (via West Kendall Platoon, via Winnipeg Jets, via Buffalo Stampede) - Joseph Weston
Calgary looks to have drafted a bit of a prankster with the number 11 pick. “Jest spew oh no” seems to mean that a prank is going to go awry and something bad is going to happen in Calgary. Is there anyone on Calgary named John? The spirits are saying “wet John posse”. Either Weston is going to get along great with someone or he is going to be pissing on toilets from Calgary to West Kendall.

12. Calgary Dragons - Alex Rykov
The spirits think that Rykov is going to be a beast. “Ox elk vary” is telling me this kid is variation of ox elk hybrid. Kid is going to be totally yoked. Jacked. Thick, dense, built, whatever.Legs thicker than my chest, and shoulders wider than my wingspan. Bonafide ox elk.

13. San Francisco Pride (via New Orleans Specters) - Ian Venables
The spirits are throwing out a lot of noise about Ian Venebles but it is not really making any sense to me. It could be that the spirits are split on the future of the young Pride player. I think the team won’t need to worry about him being a party boy thanks to “bans vine ale”. “Baseline van” intrigues me. Does that mean his baseline strength is that of a van? Is he going to carry his line? Is he just going to end up dropping his kids off at school?

14. Manhattan Rage - Phineas Gold
Gold could be a problem in the locker room. “First, “dolphins age” is a worry. Dolphins are the sex freaks of the sea. Pair that fact with “siphoned gal” and it looks like Gold is going to be stealing some significant others in Manhattan. He’s going to need lots of “healing pods” after his sexcapades because he is “gashed on lip”. I think Gold will perform fine but not spectacularly which will lead him to “hoping deals” come through.

15. West Kendall Platoon (via Calgary Dragons, via New England Wolfpack) -
Andrey Barbashev II
Barbashev is going to be a set up man in West Kendall. The spirits are too hip with lingo as I have said previously, so when they say “bayberries via hand” I believe they mean apples. They also seem to think that Andrey will be set up some sort of winery or brewery, “vineyards I be bar ha” but it may be of questionable quality, “a shabbier vineyard”. On the ice he is going to be an animal “I is behave barnyard”.

16. Edmonton Blizzard - Marcus Ohlsson
Ohlsson may be a headache for the training team. A potential Byfuglien like blow up could be incoming with “lunchrooms ass”. When stressed he will seek out a friend or a piece of salty meat “consul or hams”. He may be lacking the drive to perform in the SHL thanks to “slouch mars son”. If Edmonton ever goes on a serious losing streak it could break young Marcus, “loss much soar”.

That is what the spirits had to say through me about the first round draft picks this year. Should they reach out again in a timely manner the draft picks from the remaining rounds could be on their way.
(1496 words. Draft 2X media pay)