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*traphag* · 06-17-2020, 07:44 PM

Alex Petrenko is really into cooking, actually. He has a lot of fond memories of helping his Mom cook traditional Russian food as a kid and these recipes will be the focus of his new show "Cook Like A Russian with Alex Petrenko." He doesn't know what the budget's going to be for the pilot but if possible he'd like his mom to appear because she's the inspiration for the show and it'd be nice to see her and all that. His favorite thing to cook with her was always beef stroganoff so he hopes that recipe will make it to the first episode. He probably should invite some of his teammates to be on the show to cook with him but if he really wants to crossover into the non-sports fan market he's going to have to diversify. Maybe he can get some Food Network personalities to appear on the show. He can't think of any that do Russian cooking but they'd probably be interested in learning, right? Amanda Freitag always seems pleasant on Chopped. Maybe she wants to learn how to make borscht the way his mother does? Alex is a pretty low key guy so he doesn't want anybody to intense on there. Like he likes Guy Fieri but he's not sure he'd be able to handle sharing a kitchen with him. But, you know, if he wants to be on the show he totally can. Hockey doesn't last forever, right? Maybe this will be a good retirement gig.

Jenny · 06-17-2020, 08:34 PM

Olivier Cloutier practically grew up in a bakery - when he wasn't at the arena, that is. His dad works as a baker in a French boulangerie and Olivier would often walk over there from hockey practice in the early morning and beg to be allowed to eat sugary things. Now that he's on his own in America, he most often bakes when he's feeling homesick. He's not a professional like his dad, but he can hold his own. His cooking show would center around pastries, which are his favourite, and would feature a different guest for every episode - sometimes professional bakers that Olivier's excited to learn something from, sometimes amateur bakers from Tampa and now New Orleans, and sometimes just his friends and teammates from around the league. In one reality, his dad is his first guest, because of course. In another reality, his partner Jimmy is his first guest, also because of course. They are very different episodes.

C9Van · 06-17-2020, 10:12 PM

I would like to believe Jon's would be called 'Its fucking raw!' Which is just him pulling a gordan ramsey and whining, bitching and moaning about how all this amazing food is not to his stupidly high standards. I am thinking it would be high end food or a show that has some insanely big chefs from all across the world and he just rips into what he hates about the meal even if its cooked to perfection.

As for special guests? Probably just a few players that Jon is chill with on his team or around the league but that is not that many people. Of course it would also feature other cultists on the show including the chef of the cult but he is not a sports star so he probably doesn't count.

Each week would be a new theme of food like breakfast or pasta or sweets, etc. That way he can just shit on absolutely everyone.

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GoonerBear · 06-17-2020, 10:12 PM

Reginald MacIntyre's "Scotch Kitchen" would feature not just an array of traditional Scottish delicacies (or at least, things Scots consider delicacies), but also dishes one can cook and use as an excuse to include good, old fashioned whisky. And you'd best be using his stuff of choice, Glenglassaugh, though any other form of proper Scotch whisky is acceptable. Anyone who tells him they used whiskey will violently receive a sample of Scotch. Guests on the show include his managers and teammates for club and country, as well as family coming in from time to time to reminisce a while of life in the Highlands. From time to time, especially during playoffs, he will invite members of opposing teams as a show of goodwill and good-natured ribbing of one another. The show would also feature a drink counter graphic in the top-right corner, consisting simply of a shot glass of Scotch and a number indicating how many deep he's in. Things get real interesting around the 6-drink mark should the show go on long enough, and just like Bill O'Reilly, he does it live! Tune in and you will never know what to expect on Scotch Kitchen, probably the most dangerous cooking show since anything with another famous Scot, Gordon Ramsay!

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Flareon · 06-17-2020, 10:59 PM

Perry and Guy (Zheng, defenceman for the New England Wolfpack) would 100% in on starting a cooking show together. Maybe as a charity fundraiser or something. The pair have been playing together since they were small lads in the World Junior Championships and have since progressed to playing together on the same SHL team. They would probably do their best to imitate Claire from the Bob Apetite Youtube channel, who aims to recreate famous processed snacks and make fresh organic versions of them. Naturally of course they'd fail every single time and it'd be hilarious. Things would get particularly bad after an attempt at making Jaffa Cakes goes horribly wrong and the entire set gets covered in orange jam, along with Guy and Perry. Rumours have been flying around that an entirely "different" video of the clean up was recorded, but the world may never get to experience the glory of that.

Toivo · 06-18-2020, 12:52 AM

Meat, Heat, then Eat with Elijah Jones. This cooking show is going to see some good hockey players, but even better food. Each episode will have a couple of guest cooks to join Elijah Jones in his studio (apartment) kitchen. The folks will make some great food while telling tales of the road and life lessons. Viewers will leave with lessons, hunger, laughs, and tears. There is something for everyone on Meat, Heat, then Eat with Elijah Jones. This show is a precursor to Elijah Jones’ life after hockey. The hockey player plans on making restaurant. The menu will be simple and not flexible. For example, a peanut butter sandwich comes with doritos and mtn. dew. There are no exceptions. Ramen comes microwaved. But the quesadillas, those are the best half-effort meals that will be covered. In addition to cooking meat with heat, we will be making good drinks to wash them down with. The show is sure to be a classic.

***Acsolap*** · 06-18-2020, 04:51 AM

Having been brought up in a pub in London there can be only one theme for his cooking show: Pub Grub! Clad in an old fashioned plaid flannel shirt and faded butchers apron Rex cooks up all the famous English pub classics. Bangers and mash, fish and chips, steak and ale pies plus all the typical roasts like pork belly, beef topside and nut roast. Full of fucks and shits and lacking most of the modern food hygiene rules the show is forced to issue weekly on air apologies. The show usually starts off with Rex drinking pints and then proceeding to make an enormous mess throughout the kitchen. There is no sight of any timers or thermometers so everything is just done of the eye test. Due to his love of spicy food he also adds chilli to just about everything and it has now become a challenge for his guests to see how much of any dish they can even eat.

Credit to Ml002, King, Wasty, Carpy, Bruins10, Rum_Ham, Turd Ferguson, Ragnar and Enigmatic for the sigs.
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GeckoeyGecko · 06-18-2020, 04:59 AM

the diminuitive simon takshak is an excellent cook, or at least claims to be one. A quick look at his show reveals that this is spectacularly far from the truth. More of a reality tv show than a cooking one, Simon's Food n' Shit is recorde after games, and shows his postgame meal. Normally, he drives over to a nearby sushi place and eats there. Sometimes he spices it up with a steak or something similarly meaty. After a particularly bad loss, he was shown making indonesian instant noodles in the microwave.

The real terror came halfway through last season, where, pressured by the rest of his team, Simon actually cooked. Clearing the copious shit off of his oven, he attempted to cook fried chicken, burnt his hand badly, and sat out a game or two while it healed. The chicken wasnt very good. A cameraman was caught in the oily crossfire and is currently sueing simon.

Slowpoke · 06-18-2020, 08:23 AM

Horvat is a bit of a foodie. Contrary to what you would think, there are few things in the world that make him happier than a good meal and drink. A little known, fact is that he has been running his own cooking show on public TV for the last few seasons. It gives him a creative outlet and great way for him to interact with the community. This week he is covering how to make a chicken and cabbage Pirog. For the side, he is bringing in teammate Ivan Maximus @thiefofcheese to show how to make his favorite macaroni and cheese as a side dish. This should be a great show, as long as the cops don’t try to break in and confiscate the cheese again. For some reason, this happens a lot when Maximus is around. Hopefully all of the ingredients were sourced legally this time, but probably not.

thiefofcheese · 06-18-2020, 08:56 AM

If you've ever watched any of the food or travel channels you always see that guy that goes around to different restaurants or even villages to try some new food. Well I'm going to do the same show, but rather than eating a hotdog in jersey or some fermented fish in Norway, Ivan Maximus will travel the globe checking out, you guessed it, cheeses! I think we'll go with a title of "The Cheesiest Show On Earth". Clearly we'll hit your staples of Wisconsin Cheddar, Swiss cheese in the Alps, and Feta in Greece. But we'll also go check out some of the more unheard of cheeses from a variety of unheard of, or unexpected, places. We'll mix in some cheesy dad jokes (a la @ztevans ) to keep the cheese factor high.

In the first season I plan to make the following stops (assuming budget allows):

Milbenkase in Germany - Produced in Wurchwitz from quark, it sits among dust mites for several months, with some rye for them to nibble on. The mites excrete an enzyme to ripen the cheese that turns it progressively yellow, red-brown and then black, at which point it's eaten, mites and all. Bitter and zesty, the cheese is said to have curative effects for allergies to house dust. Take that allergies!
Tibetan Yak Cheese from Nepal - The cheese is made by wrapping the curd from yak's milk in cloth and pressing it to get rid of the water. When it dries out it's cut into pieces and allowed to dry, often over a wood fire. Some of it becomes so hard it could actually break your teeth. Gonna have to be careful there - hockey is rough enough on the dental bills
Camel's Milk Cheese in Ethiopia - Bet you didn't know that camels have been milked for centuries by nomadic herders. It's hard to make cheese from camel milk so the herders use camel rennet from pieces of another camel's stomach to coagulate the milk to create curds. Sounds amazing, right?!?!
Donkey Cheese prom Serbia - This stuff is rare! Donkey's only produce about 200ml of milk a day and it takes 25 liters of milk to make 1 kilogram of cheese. Needless to say, this one will be a bit costly (currently running $1,000 per kg). But it's supposed to be delicious and has 60 times more vitamin C than cow's milk.

Now I just need to have some guest stars. I'm thinking @Slowpoke should go to Germany with me. He seems like a dust mite kinda guy.

JSS331 · 06-18-2020, 09:07 AM

My cooking show would have to be something similar to a pit masters or barbecue show. Big slabs of ribs or brisket being smoked for hours while we sit around drinking beer and shooting the shit. We would start the show with the selection of that week's meat and the particular challenges of smoking it correctly. We then explain the smoker set up and how the meat should be prepared. Any rubs or marinades would be explained and applied before final prep to put the meat in the smoker. As it's cooking, we would talk about hockey, beer, other sports, and anything else that is relevant at the time. The show can't last five hours so we would have to skip ahead to when it was completed and hopefully we aren't too drunk to actually finish the job. As we chow down on that weeks BBQ, we will talk about how delicious it is making all of the viewers want to go out back and try to cook something similar that very day.

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PremierBromanov · 06-18-2020, 10:13 AM

Tom Fiddlers show is called Filling with Fitted and Fiddler (FFF) and it's a duo show between Fitted and Myself. In the show, we learn to cook the famous dishes from our hometowns of Pittsburgh and Detroit (approx). For Pittsburgh, it's basically Philly, so we will make cheese steaks, except we're gonna make it good and use real cheese instead of fake cheese, because I dont ever listen to a thing philly tells me to do. For the detroit side, we're making $5 pizzas, as is tradition. We start with cheap dough, canned sauce, and store bought pre-shredded motz and we toss it in the oven. We will know we have done it right if it becomes completely inedible 5 minutes after leaving the oven. Finally, we will combine our hometown foods to make a $5 Philly Pizza Steak (not a Steak Pizza), by combining the steak meat with marinara and motz in a long hoagie bun. And as they say in Pittsburgh "
Le fromage est mon amoureux"

suavemente · 06-18-2020, 12:55 PM

peej2189 · 06-18-2020, 03:24 PM

My cooking show is Panda's Express! We cook only the best Chinese food. No special guests, I am a solo man. I teach my audience how to cook the finest Chinese food in their home using only a sauce pan and instapot. In the first episode I will discuss how to craft a dish around Orange Chicken. It includes a few things, but the main ingredient is the sauce the breaded bites are covered in. It is a sort of secret sauce that has just enough spice, and a whole lotta tanginess. To go with it, there is a fried rice that you can make in the instapot. Some say it has too many eggs, but I think the more protein the better! Once the breaded chicken is covered in sauce, and the fried rice is completed, you dish it up with a nice drizzle of soy sauce to add an extra depth of flavor.

Matty7478 · 06-18-2020, 04:38 PM

NSFL PT#1

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