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SlashACM · 06-21-2021, 12:08 AM

You may have heard your teacher tell you Wikipedia is unreliable and rolled your eyes. Yeah, anyone can edit, but who would? Who has the time and pettiness to go into a Wikipedia page and edit it for their own sick amusement? Well... your biggest hater does. Lots of time and lots of pettiness. They went into your Wiki page and wrote all sorts of nasty stuff. Lets share that with the class!

Written Task: Write a fake Wikipedia page for your current or past player, but in the shoes of your biggest hater. What false/nasty things would they write just to feel like a smartass? (150+ words)

Graphic Task: Make a goofy looking picture of your current or past player. What would a hater edit onto your photo? Buck teeth? A giant butt? (Must include 3 noticeable edits to the existing photo)

You will receive 3 TPE for fulfilling all requirements.

All responses are due on Sunday, June 27th at 11:59 CST.

Affiliate claims from either PBE or ISFL are accepted; link directly to your post and note if your username is different there.
If you have any questions/concerns, please PM me.

This task is for SHL players and send downs only, it is not for SMJHL rookies.

ACapitalChicago · 06-21-2021, 12:09 AM

Joseph Weston is an absolute NERD. Seriously this considerable failure should barely be considered an SHL player, like for real. Who does he think he is, getting on and off the ice like some regular shmuck? This guy is an absolute JOKE. Look at this absolute loser compared to the rest of the class and try not to laugh because he is so far behind the rest of them, it's incredibly easy to point out how poor of a performance he gives day in and day out. Why would anyone take a chance on him, trade him for spare parts and hope you can get some idiot willing to bite because his value should be through the floor. This guy is a waste of space on the ice and you'd be better off playing 4v5 constantly instead. Why would anyone actually try to justify this? Get Joseph Weston off your team before he continues to embarrass everyone involved!

S66 Damian Littleton

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SlashACM · 06-21-2021, 12:10 AM

PT pass

***hockeyiscool*** · 06-21-2021, 12:18 AM

Dwight Knight is currently a center for the Tampa Bay Barracuda who has never heard of leg day. Everyone is surprised that since the Tampa Bay Barracuda drafted Dwight Knight that they did not change their team's name to the Tampa Bay Whales once Dwight Knights mama walked in to support this no good at skating lookin ass of a player. Dwight Knight is such a bad skater they still swear he is wearing van sneakers out onto the ice. Dwight Knight’s teammates give him a bucket to hold so he can learn how to skate during practice. Dwight Knight is rumored to collect toads because his face is an ugly wort. Dwight Knight is notorious for being a prime example of locker room toxicity. His beliefs in favor of Fiet earth theory is one that is divisive from the widely accepted flat earth theory of the Tampa bay Locker room and it has players asking out.

[157 words]

***yosh*** · 06-21-2021, 12:22 AM

Vaseline Podcalzone is a Russian amateur benchwarmer for the Seattle Argonauts of the SMJHL. Podcalzone was drafted 23rd overall because he could not bench press or do a single push up at the draft combine, and should have, IN FACT, gone much lower. His rookie season was one of the most disappointing in recent history, and Vaseline Podcalzone is PROJECTED to be EASILY one of the largest DRAFT BUSTS in the history of SIMULATION HOCKEY!

Podcalzone is a noted PLAYOFF CHOKER, as he was a MAJOR REASON why the Seattle Argonauts were swept by the EVENTUAL CHAMPION TEXAS RENEGADES in the second round of the SEASON 59 PLAYOFFS! Podcalzone only had ONE BUM GOAL THAT HE GOT A LUCKY TIP ON in TEN GAMES!

OVERALL, Podcalzone should HANG UP HIS SKATES and return to play hockey in Russia, where PLAYERS of lower calibre LIKE HIM should play! PODCALZONE IS EASILY THE WORST PLAYER I HAVE SEEN PLAY HOCKEY EVER WITH MY OWN EYES!

WC: 163

DELIRIVM · 06-21-2021, 12:31 AM

MrRuihu · 06-21-2021, 12:40 AM

What kind of a moron names their kid gerry atrick? it's like you wanted your kid to be slow and weak both mentally and physically, not to mention the fact that he's clearly fallen off the wagon and is way behind his classmates from the STONE AGES when he first started playing. this guys been in this league so long you can't even remember a time he wasn't on the ice. he might as well just setup a tent and sleep there overnight, as by the time he gets undressed anyways it'll be time for his next shift of the next game.

SOMEHOW, this old man gets first line minutes and still doesn't put up more than 30 goals in a season, pathetic and not worth the time wasted on his development. if anything, they should just put him down and find someone to replace him, this dinosaur has gone EXTINCT and is lucky to have won a cup at all.

161 words

Vikian · 06-21-2021, 12:52 AM

“Evgueni Marmeladov is the most perfectly rated player I have ever seen. The man could never carry a team. He had one lucky season in SMJHL and somehow won with Detroit. Then he goes up to the LA Panthers and thinks he’s actually doing something while his Swiss cheese pads are being over looked by the teams Defense and Offense.
Honestly he should just switch his name to Marmalade because he’s so slow. Let’s look at some stats he posted…joking no one cares. Somehow even team Russia bought into the fact that he can play. And look where it ended up. Nowhere because he’s a trash can with pads. No that…that might actually be better than he is. And the worst part. He actually not only won trophies in the JHL but was NOMINATED. Actually nominated for a trophy. Thank god no one gave it to him. I’m glad he retired. Hope he doesn’t come back.

*AgentSmith630* · 06-21-2021, 01:11 AM

PT Pass

bjkman · 06-21-2021, 01:13 AM

Greg "Taskmaster" Davies is a Hockey Player in the Simulation Hockey League... Lol just kidding, after more than 4 seasons Davies is still in the SMJHL. This right winger for the St. Louis Scarecrows would probably be more successful as a right-wing politician or tv pundit since he absolutely isn't doing anything for his team which hasn't made it far into the playoffs since he was drafted. This hockey player from the United Kingdom is heavy and tall but the stats certainly wouldn't show it. While he dishes out some hits and checks here and there, his fighting abilities and his records in 1v1 fights leave more than enough to be desired especially with a man of his stature. After being drafted by the San Francisco Pride he is still waiting for his debut in the big leagues and more than likely he'll be waiting for years to come because Greg Davies might call himself the "Taskmaster"... But in reality, he is the "Benchmaster".

Code:
164 Words

**JamesT** · 06-21-2021, 01:23 AM

Code:
Written Task: Write a fake Wikipedia page for your current or past player, but in the shoes of your biggest hater. What false/nasty things would they write just to feel like a smartass? (150+ words)

James Truong, born on March 31, 1995 in Vancouver, BC. James played peewee hockey for his local high school but was known as the worst player during his time there. He struggled to get 10 minutes of ice time and always finished the season with at least a -20 rating. His team never made any playoff appearances and one game James even had to be the waterboy because the coach was not happy with his play that game.

When James played for the Montreal Militia

(now the Carolina Kraken

) He was drafted in the 9th round, but he should've been the very last pick as no teams should've drafted a person who never had any sim league experience. In James' first season in the SMJHL he scored 8 points, but it was a miracle he even managed to get a single point that whole season.

The Edmonton Blizzard

drafted James (what a horrible mistake that was) and James got lucky enough to win a Challenge Cup in S49, but James was basically used as a distraction piece on the ice and never received the puck that entire playoff run to win the cup.

Now James is on the Montreal Patriotes

and he is expected to average 0.01 points a game and under 5 minutes of ice time.

(217 words)

steveoiscool · 06-21-2021, 01:33 AM

PT Pass

Leoben · 06-21-2021, 01:35 AM

Kubinec was selected 53rd overall in the Season 47 Draft. He will never skip an opportunity to tell you that he was a valuable pick. In reality, he was inactive at the time and was pity pick because he had ties with the Co-GM of Texas. The fact that he actually managed to play for Texas says more about the sad state of the team at the time than about his actual skill level. He was carried by Andreas Kvalheim and now sees himself being carried by far younger and far superior players. Any success that Kubinec has had was on the backs of everyone around him. How his low work ethic and unmotivated attitude have kept him on Texas this long is beyond anyone’s guess. Texas Management’s attitude seems to be “Eh, he’ll do for now.” And that quote will probably be written on his tombstone. His latest drama is about retirement, which he has been considering since before he even entered regression. That’s right, now that his slightly average career can have a nice Challenge Cup sized bow wrapped around it, it’s time for Kubinec to hang up his skates and do what he does best, which is nothing. Seriously. The guy was nominated for the Richan twice. That means you have to suck, get better, then suck again, and then get getter.

negs77 · 06-21-2021, 01:44 AM

Bjorn Bjorn was doomed at birth when he was given the same first and last name. All throughout childhood, he was a troublemaker who would always just yell BJORN at the other children in his class until they relented to his every demand. He was a bully in the classroom and its clear why he chose hockey. Although, some are troubled by his lack of actual skill. At times, Bjorn is described as someone who looks for fights and to simply hit people rather than actual hockey. Some analysts have drawn comparisons to great MMA fighters like Conor McGregor and Jon Jones for his physicality. His actual skill is much less looked down upon. In a recent article, hockey expert Rufus Miller likened Bjorn Bjorn to a "child trucking everyone on their way to be first in the line for pizza at the cafeteria". Lastly, Bjorn has continued his ways of shouting his name at people, even to go as far as to yell WE BJORNY at events. All in all, meh.

Frostbite · 06-21-2021, 02:26 AM

Grapefruit Lizard is the definition of a bum. The man never made it to the big leagues, and when he retired after a very short career, no one cared. Grapefruit Lizard barely existed. Some may point to his numerous SMJHL World placements, but lets be real here. Making the World roster is very easy to do, and Grapefruit Lizard barely every had success while doing it. He may have played in the World tournament, but he never really shined, similar to his SMJHL career. Lizard was never truly successful in the SMJHL, and truly limited his team, never once making the final championship, much less winning it. But really, it's not his fault he was a true disgrace to the sport of hockey. With a name as stupid as Grapefruit Lizard he was bound to fail, and in addition to being on the Scarecrows? It was a disaster waiting to happen. The only real success Lizard ever had was at scoring, but his defense was so bad it didn't even matter. All in all, Grapefruit Lizard was a true BUM, and is (and always will be) a disgrace to the sport of hockey.

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