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enigmatic · 09-01-2021, 07:38 AM

I would be very tempted to take the black pill just to grade the fucking mock draft but that would mean actually doing work so we are just gonna keep complaining about it and not do anything.

After careful consideration, my actual choice would be the green pill. It doesn't seem as bad as the ones that actually do something and I really do need any help I can get. I'm already short and it's not the end of the world. I'm not that smart but I'm not super dumb either so I think I would greatly benefit from the effects of that one. Being short as hell isn't ideal but when you are that smart, you can just skate around everybody and score before they even realize what happened. After all, they are still the big dumb. One wrong move you are basically dead but do you even make wrong moves when you are the Einstein of hockey? No. The answer's no.

Nictox · 09-01-2021, 07:51 AM

Zidane looks at the outstretched hand of his friend Ville. "Come on Jean-Locke, just pick one and let's get going before someone sees us." The big man had to make a choice, and quickly. "I choose the blue pill." Zidane grabs the blue pill form Ville's hand and throws it in his mouth. He doesn't need water for taking pills, he just does it. As they are walking into the locker room Zidane notices his eyesight slowly getting blurry. After about ten minutes, he couldn't make out the words on his phone, or even the shape of his phone. It seems the blue pill made him blind. With the blindness came a couple other sensations that were not expected. Zidane felt his muscles around his body grow bigger and harder. His hearing had gotten better than ever. He could make out where he was in the room by listening to people walk around him. Ville grabs Jean-Locke's jersey and pulls him down the tunnel towards the ice. As Zidane steps on, he instantly slips and falls on his back, cracking the ice below him. Zidane crawls back up and somehow finds the bench by playing a modified Marco Polo with his coach. When he finds a seat, he hears laughter as all players around him. This angers Zidane so much that he starts fighting everyone on the bench. Turns out Zidane skated towards the wrong bench and was surround by opposing players. He created a bench brawl that saw him take down the entire opposing team. Letting the Specters. "I'll never take a pill from that guy again."

RIP Dangel #AD26 | RIP TDZ

tweedledunn · 09-01-2021, 08:13 AM

***golden_apricot*** · 09-01-2021, 08:59 AM

pt pass

*Otrebor13* · 09-01-2021, 10:38 AM

When looking at the options above, there were quite a few where I knew I would never touch (green pill, orange pill, brown pill, pink pill, black pill), but there were a few thoughts for the others.

Blue pill: There are many successful people in the world who do things without sight, so I thought this could potentially be a massive advantage, I would be able to take over games at will. However, I also realized that I would have to re-learn how to play hockey, and at this stage in my career, I don’t think that would go over well and will likely end my career.

Purple pill: I was hungry, and a jelly bean would be nice.

Red pill: This ended up being my decision. Why? Well, I am not super fast, and having that ability will give me an incredible advantage and I would be able to play the game at my speed and score at will. In addition, I just have to make sure I am off the ice on those 15 minute marks, which is fine. I can’t be on the ice all game.

That being said, I had a close call one game, where I was walking back to the dressing room to get to the bathroom but had miscalculated the time and the turtle head was starting. I luckily got back to the bathroom, but almost didn’t make it. I’d also have to keep this ability a secret, because my teammates would likely mess with my clocks and will likely cause me to shit myself multiple times.

***Ohtaay*** · 09-01-2021, 11:56 AM

One day when walking down the alley a man approached from the darkness behind the dumpster, originally thinking he was about to ask me to preform an unheard of act on him - I was willing to hear him out. But to my surprise he opened his trench coat has multiple pills. He went through explaining what each one did, and said I couple pick one for free. When you have that many options it is hard to pick just one. After thinking for awhile, I asked for the entire offering, I wanted the whole supply. Surprisingly he agreed to give me one of each pill, at this point I thought they might just be jelly beans and he is gaming me. None the less I took one of each and went back to my apartment. Once I got back to the apartment, I put them one the table, crushed em up and put the powder into a glass of water. The water was simple a disgusting color, and smelt like ass. I downed the drink and that was that, I woke up from my dream cause none of these pills are real.

192 words

krazko · 09-01-2021, 12:50 PM

Calvin Hobbes gave all pills a thought and quickly removed the red and blue pill as options. Being a playmaking center Calvin settled on the green pill and raised his intelligence tenfold, while the disadvantage of being 3 feet tall hindered him in all physical contacts, the fact he was only 3 feet tall allowed him to avoid most other players, skating under them, or zipping around their skates. The intelligence boost gave the already clever center a whole new dimension of vision where he could predict to almost 100% guarantee where both his teammates, the puck and his opponents would be close to 30 seconds in the future. On top of it he could predict the puck bounce and calculate exactly where it would end up from the smallest of touches. This made him not only able to make some crazy passes no one else could see or even imagine, but also gave him another edge in avoiding opposing players and their physical play.
Outside of the ice rink he started showing up in numerous Jeopardy type shows where he always walked away with the biggest winning.

academydropout · 09-01-2021, 01:55 PM

affiliate PT: ISFL ultimus week
username: 37thchamber

Z-Whiz · 09-01-2021, 02:53 PM

I agree, this is definitely about hockey. Clearly I would take the purple jelly bean as it is actually a grape. As the world renowned duck on youtube once said, "got any grapes?" If you haven't seen it, you should definitely give it a search. It's about this duck, who continues to ask a lemonade stand vendor if he has any grapes. The vendor obviously doesn't, as he is selling lemonade, not grapeade. This goes back and forth many times until the vendor loses his patience and takes him to the store. He spends his own cold hard cash on grapes for this poor duck and you know what the duck says when offered a grape? He says "NO!" What a legend. What a prank. I look up to this duck as a child and hope to dunk on some moron this hard. He not only lost money by buying the grapes, but he also lost revenue for leaving his lemonade stand. What an idiot. What a loser.

*Reno* · 09-01-2021, 03:00 PM

Well assuming Evgeni has the wherewithal to not just consume all the pills in one go and transform into a famous blind child with insane digestion issues (but no allergies), he would probably just eat the pink pill. Evgeni wants to be famous, he wants to go down as one of the best to ever play the game of hockey, this pill will get him there without having to actually put in the work to do so. Evgeni doesn’t want fame for just profits though. He does want profits actually, but he wants more. He wants to use his fame to raise awareness for the ongoing crisis that wolves are facing in society. Currently when Evgeni stands on the street corner with a megaphone talking about wolf rights he’s labeled as “crazy” and “psychotic” but if he was famous like a K-Pop superstar he would be labeled as “awesome” and “an activist” and that is what he really wants.

*sköldpaddor* · 09-01-2021, 03:07 PM

I am going to take the green pill and have incredible game instincts and talent. I will be so good at the game that I don't even need to be taller than three feet, because no one will be able to hit me anyway. I am going to call myself "Thunderbones" and get a bunch of lightning tattoos and I am going to play hockey shirtless and everyone will be terrified of me even though I am very small. No one will dare make fun of me though because they know I am very smart, way smarter than them, and I will destroy them with my incredible rhetoric and wit, leaving them sobbing for their mothers if they so much as cross me. I'm also just picking this one because INT is almost always my dump stat and I am eager for a change of pace. I will be the wizard of the ice and go down in history as the greatest smallest player that ever was.

Muford · 09-01-2021, 03:42 PM

Honestly, there is only one great pill to take here. While you sit here at your desk and ponder, well fuck, which pill will I take, do I want to be blind? Do I want to be the size of a child again? How about being super fast, but at the same time always having to basically shit myself. Would that be worth it? Honestly? No. Those wouldn’t. It would be hard to revert back to three feet and try to play professional sports. It would also be hard to have to blow up a bathroom every 15 minutes because you just keep shitting yourself otherwise. So honestly, there real answer here is of course you take the purple pill, or the grape jellybean. First and foremost, grape is by far the best flavor there is, and taking it in jellybean form is even better. So there you have it boys and girls, Vladmir Petrov would take the Purple Pill, or the grape jelly bean.

(165 words)

Lobbanet · 09-01-2021, 04:25 PM

The blue pill isnt very far off how i currently play so i would obviously take that one not that it will matter that much. The only issue that will be big is when i shave myself, that could cause some issues since im now blind and super mega strong. So i would have to hire a butler or a maid or something to help me out around the house and help me shave and give me soap and so on. Hopefully Elon Musk could invent something that could give me artifical sight like a robot. That would be nice, but i dont know how interested he is in simulation hockey leauge unfortunatly. If he cant help out, well now im having doubts about my choice and regret my previous decision! This is unaccepteable and you have fooled me in to taking drugs to cheat. Insulting moment, so i think its time to take all the pills and see what happens. cya later, come to the strip club

zeagle1 · 09-01-2021, 06:45 PM

The obvious pill to take here is the last pill, the black one. This is due to the fact that almost every PT prompt recently has been a flaming pile of garbage, think Nevada Battle Born this past season level of terrible. Except unlike The Nevada Battle Born, these PT prompts do not seem to have any chance to get better. Anyways, taking the black pill would not effect mew two at all, both on the ice and also off of the ice. clearly the current PT head puts no thought into the prompts so mew two simply comes up with his PT prompts while he's warming the bench for the Baltimore Platoon. He can delegate out PT grading and all that boring lame stuff because that is what a good leader does. Maybe if mew two was feeling bold, he would actually write the prompts somewhat related to the sport of hockey and our glorious simulation major (junior) hockey league. But alas, this is only a PT prompt and not the future.

Blastmeaway · 09-01-2021, 07:50 PM

Towelie has been working alongside America's newest blind man Simon Wilson and under the tutelage of Simon Wilson, aka America's "next big blind guy" as described by a one Hannibal Buress. Under this tutelage of Simon Wilson, Towelie has been working on his life while working blind. Thus the blue pill which will give you ultra strength, but will render you blind, is the pill of choice for the Super Towelie. Towelie will lay thunderous hits, and shoot the puck at incredible speed to continue his dominant pace in the Simulation Major
Junior Hockey League. With the knowledge of how to operate blind Towelie will need to rely on sound and instinct to know where to shoot, hit, and pass. On the ice towelie will have the power of the blind man Simon Wilson and be able to summon his Towel strength to out perform everybody on the ice and off. oh and he'll probably see a doctor after 4 hours of using the blue pill.

Shout out to ml002, schultzy, slashacm, tedward!
[Image: blastmeaway.gif]

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09-05-2018, 10:04 PMBeaver Wrote: Wow look what the PT affiliation has done to our pristine league.

12-19-2018, 12:31 AMBeaver Wrote: I personally blame the PT affiliation for handing out massive amounts of free TPE to all these players, inflating the TPE they're at when they get called up.

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