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***Patty*** · 09-01-2021, 09:28 PM

I would take the black pill. As PT Head I could truly ruin the league. We'd have entire seasons worth of PT's based on whatever anime I happened to have watched last. And I've seen enough to be fully past the mainstream stuff and well in the borderline weird category of anime. With Slash out of the picture I could convert Primetimes into Tuesday day games. A series where you have to guess who will win a game between the bottom teams of the PBE. I think this would bring a lot of great interaction between the sim leagues. Once I institute all these incredible changes. The PT Department being remade in my image. My face as a banner on the site. My Player awarded 5000 TPE and no regression ever. I would step down as PT Head. But not allow HO to post a hiring thread. Leaving @hotdog to return to hell, and recommence his suffering.

Mazatt · 09-02-2021, 12:25 AM

I'd take the pink pill. While Foley does love his hockey, his secondary passion for music would skyrocket in value if everyone loved him like a pop-star. Not only would Blizzard ticket sales be off the charts, but Foley's own music would go crazy. Even if Foley's passion wasn't in music/hockey, the other major boon would be in the SHL twitter. We've all seen firsthand the overabundance of Korean (and other) pop-star's Fan Cams on twitter, and opening other teams twitters up to the abuse that would be doled out by superfans is a major boon. Imagine you're Strom Chamberlain, and you want to talk to your followers on twitter for some fun (and money), but instead every single tweet of yours is blasted with gifs of your opponent winking, or maybe him scoring a goal and cellying put under a rose gold filter. And all night, it would be a stream of endless notifications to keep the opposition up. This kind of power is simply undeniably useful and I personally don't see the downside.

taterswc · 09-02-2021, 02:01 AM

The green pill sounds suspiciously like the plot of detective Conan, so I’m in. it will take Makrus some time to get the hang of being smart. Being short will be a struggle but if D3mills can do it then Makrus can. I will use my size to go unnoticed as I evaluate the other players in the league. I will follow them around during their day to day lives. Naturally I will have to solve random crimes that come up. That just the life of a super intelligent adult trapped in a child’s body. Once I have a feel for each players mannerisms I can start to train my team how to counter them. This pill doesn’t say it gives me a scientist friend that builds me gadgets so ill just have to buy one. Naturally ill need a bowtie communicator to talk with the rest of my team while on the ice. Its not cheating its science. Then ill set up plays hardly being noticed. No matter how good their defense I will find the hole. With a keen eye for details one shot will prevail.

dankoa · 09-02-2021, 05:53 AM

Out of all the pills that are listed the one that would appeal the most to me is the red one. Look I know it would be inconvenient to have to leave the ice to take a shit every 15 minutes, but the thing is how much time does a player actually spend on the ice continuously anyway? The fact of the matter is, hockey is not the same as other sports and guys spend a lot of time on the bench anyway, so it's no different to me if I'm spending time on the bench or sat on the toilet taking a violent shit. I know it would probably be quite unpleasant, but the thing is, I could live with it and at least there's a clear and tangible benefit to taking that pill unlike some of the others. Kaarlo can simply request a special bathroom for him to be allocated to him for each game, and the issue suddenly doesn't seem that much of an obstacle for him to overcome.

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172 words

Rabidsponge21 · 09-02-2021, 09:15 AM

PBE PT

*kentakira* · 09-02-2021, 11:33 AM

PBE Affiliate

Bruins10 · 09-02-2021, 12:17 PM

Code:
The pink pill will give you the fame of a Korean pop star, but not the talent of one.

I feel like weighing all the possible negative outcomes of the other pills would make me fall on the pink pill. I do not want super speed bowel movement, I do not want to go blind and I definitely do not just want a grape jelly bean. I feel like I already have the talent on the ice in the SHL, even though I keep on getting snubbed from the SHL season teams. So I need to get the recognition and the fame somewhere else, and thats when the Korean market comes into play, maybe even the North Korean market would want to post my player around in the city, get some fame even there in that untapped market. I do keep a low profile on the site but maybe Kaspars in real life SHL life would be able to be a star there in the Eastern part of the world. I have started this season on a tear and hope to continue to finally make an All Star team like I have been trying to do for the past couple of seasons. The competition is really tough around the league so hopefully the Koreans add a little bias to the ballot

sulovilen · 09-02-2021, 12:29 PM

PT pass.

Oh, how much I wish I had one. But I don't, so...

I take the black pill. As of late the the tasks have been quite, I don't know, trippy? Doesn't seem like something that a person with a healthy mental state would make people do. So sorry slash, you're out and I can only hope that non-existence makes you feel better! The effects for me would be to obviously lose some time, because I would have to come up with some good PT's and do all the other shit, whatever it is. Probably talking about scheduling the PTs, talking about grading etc. But well, so be it. I would have a PT pass so that would obviously save time too. For the people who have to do the PT's, it would probably mean more sim-related tasks. Probably something that would help people create a story around their player, show off their personality and also get more familiar with the league. Maybe have them dig up interesting stats, history facts, rate team brandings, create depth charts of teams etc. Personally I would find that kind of PT's enjoyable.

CementHands · 09-02-2021, 12:53 PM

Well.. you never said we were limited to one pill, so let's roll the wheel!
The red pill gives me blazing speed. Curiously it has actually helped my bowel movements, as instead of needing to run to the toilet between shifts, I can make it 15 minutes. Almost an entire period and at least half a period. overnight the stock price of depends has diminished by 7%.
The blue pill has made me blind. That's ok I think, because to be completely honest I don't really use my eyes much anyway. I'm usually scrumming around in a corner and blindly swinging my stick in front of the net.
The green pill has given me intelligence! Bonus is it has given me a very tiny body. I will be a cannon ball Danny Devito running around and putting people through the glass with my tiny Trump hands.
The pink pill because I thought it said frame - like I would look like a Korean pop star.
Brown pill because I like to live on the edge. Let's roll the dice on my bowels and see what happens.
Purple pill, and probably as many as I can of these. They are my daily dose of vegetables.
Black pill of course, I don't feel the need to go in depth on this.

*traphag* · 09-02-2021, 01:39 PM

I have deliberated this carefully, and the pink pill seems to be the obvious choice. Why? Because if you have all the fame of a Korean pop star, why would you actually need talent? We live in an age of technology, my friends! Can't sing? We've got autotune! That isn't stopping people from having hit songs anymore. Can't dance? We can use some creative editing or get me some lessons. The truth of the matter is anyone can be made to seem like they have talent with enough money and the right people around them. The same goes for hockey, right? I take the pink pill and I'm famous and everyone thinks I'm an awesome hockey player, and with the great teammates I have that probably means I'll actually still look like I know what I'm doing out there. And if I'm actually hindering the team they can put me on the third line or I can just leave to do a reality show like Jamie did in Ted Lasso. I've only watched the first couple of episodes of the new season so I don't know how that's all going to work out yet but I'll guess we'll see. But for now it's time for Alex to bask in the fame! (211 words.)

Merica · 09-02-2021, 02:55 PM

Black pill.

Why? Because of PTs like this. I don’t know if you run these ideas past anyone before hand, but if you do, you should fire whoever is telling you this was a good idea. I find it incredibly hard to believe this is the best idea you could come up with. But considering you’ve also recycled old PTs from past directors, I guess it isn’t all that surprising.

This Pt could of been passable had you actually put effort into it. The whole premise is the search for a competitive edge, right? Except none of these pills, not a single one, actually gives you an edge. They all have side effects that completely cancel out the “strength” they would of had, making them more of a liability than had they refrained from taking the pill.

It’s hard to quantify how much I didn’t want to participate in this, it’s a grind just to write this retort.

In closing, as Pt director, I would never subject you all to content like this.

Junior · 09-02-2021, 02:57 PM

I would take the pink pill. I would then be the only talented person in the entire world who has the fame of a Korean pop star, therefore the only person deserving of that level of admiration. Cooing fans will fawn over my physicality on the ice. People will post responses to all celebrity tweets with videos of my escapades which will garner millions of views across social media. Every celebrity death announcement will be met with a sea of quote tweets proclaiming "sksksksksk stream Wolfpack games." In the offseason I will go on stadium tours where I sell out one hundred thousand seat arenas just to give ten minute interviews to bored reporters while refusing to answer any and all fan questions from the audience. Body pillows with the likeness of Donald Trump Jr. will adorn the beds of every man, woman, and child (of age) in America. The mere presence of Junior in a city will bring the denizens to tears as they become overwhelmed with my presence.

(170 words)

ACapitalChicago · 09-02-2021, 02:59 PM

I take the purple pill because it succinctly and sufficiently covers how I feel about this PT in that it is meaningless and feels like a total complete blip on the radar because nothing interesting will be written here despite how many words I have to add to this despite only just having a purple pill that tastes like a fucking grape for nourishment making me feel like I have to dance like some monkey on strings for entertainment when this is clearly not what anyone wants and is just a frustrating cry of exasperation because of the inherent complexities with dealing within things of the league and how to properly support people and the desires of the site despite how just truly WACK some things here absolutely are and this does not affect Joseph Weston on or off the ice a single bit to clarify the relevancy of these statements

S66 Damian Littleton

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Kierkan · 09-02-2021, 03:09 PM

Please give me the black pill. Wait, give me two. Now that we're free from the mickey mouse cartoonish scenarios and fourth grade writing prompts, we can get back to business. Since HE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED, REFERENCED, OR IN ANY WAY ACKNOWLEDGED is gone, we can get back to writing actual prompts about....hockey. I KNOW, I KNOW. Before anyone freaks out at this radical change, I want to put everyone's mind at ease. Firstly, we are going to phase into the magical world of skates and ice gradually. It will be a big change for all of us, but I want all of you to know that we're committed to making sure everyone is comfortable. I will give you an example of the new PTs direction below.

You arrive at your home rink before practice. You're in the dressing room getting ready, but you can't help but notice you are literally on fire.

Written Task: How does being on fire affect your players performance in the practice? What do your teammates think? (2841+ words)

Graphic Task: Please complete a six panel pop out book made entirely with ASCII art showing your player on fire.

You will receive 0 TPE for completing one task.

All responses are due by Thursday, August 12th by 12:00 PSTCTEPST. Submissions in DMs before this date will be accepted.

StadiumGambler · 09-02-2021, 03:34 PM

The orange and purple pills are the obvious choices for Nick Brain. Allergy medication is always handy, especially if you live in a dusty house during hayfever and pollen season, and while grape jelly beans are not exactly Nick's favourite sweet snack, they're more practical than the (probably illegal) other pills suggested by the mysterious druglord known as SlashACM.

However, on a considerably more meta note, given the nature of some of these recent PTs I'm slightly tempted to call for a black pill, especially as this PT came during a time when you can't claim affiliate from the PBE. But then again, erasing Slash from existence ENTIRELY is harsh. Gentle reminder to put PTs on a more normal path, maybe, but getting Thanos snapped is no bueno. From Nick's perspective, he would merely like it if his survey questions he needs to fill out to get 3 syringes of Total Pectoral Energizing (TPE, for those in the know) were just a little less headscratching to write through.

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