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Trautner · 09-05-2021, 06:48 PM

The blue pills seems like the very obvious choice to make as a very powerful pill that can create the most utility out of any of the other pills. Michael Scarn already has plenty of experience dealing with being blind. Blind Guy McSqueezy is one of Michael Scarn's most favorite alter egos of his, and he has tons of practice acting as a blind person who gets himself into all sorts of whimsical situations. Michael Scarn will therefore put himself into character before each game as Blind Guy McSqueezy through some method acting, and then hit the ice not as Michael Scarn but as Blind Guy McSqueezy. Blind Guy McSqueezy will be slashing around with his stick throughout the game as he tries to maneuver his way around the ice. This will create some whimsical situations where Scarn will trip his opponents but the referee probably won't call a penalty on a disabled person.

DollarAndADream · 09-05-2021, 06:55 PM

I think with this dilemma I would have to take the blue pill. Extreme speed but having to poop every 15 minutes. This is okay, because I can easily take 15 minute shifts on the ice. Then I go poop in the last 5 minutes of the period, or during intermission, and I'm good to go for the next period. With superspeed, there is no getting tired. I can stay out there for almost the whole game, and get past defenders with ease. It's worth having to poop every 15 minutes, especially considering that hockey periods are 20 minutes. I can take a seat for the first 5 minutes of the period, then play a full 15 minutes, then poop during intermission...rinse and repeat. Easy wins. Then you combine that with eating all the chicken parms every day all season, and you just have an instant success rate in the SHL.

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UberBJ · 09-05-2021, 06:55 PM

-The red pill:
This pill would probably be pretty high on Clem's list, but might be avoided because it would decrease his overall ice time when he can only play for 15 minutes. With the falcons depth he might get away with it and have a very power 15 minutes however.
-The blue pill:
This pill seems useless due to blindness and the speed of the game. Would not take.

-The green pill:
Wouldn't take this one, Clem is already extremely intelligent and needs his man-bod to do man-bod things. Bad choice.

-The orange pill:
Clem is immune to all allergies res, hes a god.

-The pink pill:
Clem is already a star, both domestically and internationally. He would consider this though, since he is not lacking on talent and has yet to break into the Korean market.

-The brown pill will speed up your bowels like the red pill, but without the super speed.
Well this is quite the wild one. This could be used as a weapon if you choose to remain on the ice. Clem is not above such diabolical ploys to rattle the enemies, and make take this just to shit the ice. Plus, there's no such thing as bad publicity.

-The purple pill:
Clem prefers strawberries, the berry of champions. However, a free jellybean is a free jellybean. This is the ultimate prize for one like Clem. Easy winner. As far as how it would effect his on ice play, I guess a little sugar rush would add to every statline. He'd hit harder, skate faster, shoot better, and be so jacked up on the rush that he'd probably just start a fight for the hell of it. Unfortunately, every action has a consequence and this bean alone leads to a crippling addiction formed where he no longer just wants jelly beans, but craves them, and becomes dependent upon them to function. Eventually Clem finds himself on the street doing heinous acts for pocket change so he can go into the Jelly Belly store to procure some of that sweet sweet nector. A tragic end for a promising player.

-The black pill:
Why would anyone take this pill willingly?

Zombiewolf · 09-05-2021, 07:11 PM

Absolutely none of this sounds appealing to Jaska Seppala of the Buffalo Stampede I mean why would I want to take any of the pills but I guess if I had to chose one of them it would be the purple pill because than I guess I would have grape jelly? I mean that is not so bad, worse than strawberry jelly but like I guess its not horrible. I mean blindness? That sounds not ideal. Bowl movement every 15 minutes? What. I am already a professional hockey player on the greatest team to have ever existed why would I need a pill to improve that. Did you know that Grape Jelly is from the Concord grape? I know its wild their are different species of grape but there is! This grape is really sweet and not to be used for wine because it would not be taste. That is crazy grape pill to chose. On the ice idk if it would have any effect other than being happy for tasting grape jelly which I guess is the same effect off the ice

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Huck24 · 09-05-2021, 07:25 PM

The blue pill please and thank you. Lyle Odelein III is already a strong player but becoming ultra strong, I mean come on, he would be unstoppable! Yes, not being able to see would suck a bit, but Lyle is a veteran of the SHL and had been playing hockey all his life he knows the rink better than his own house. He also has ultimate trust in his teammates, so they would be able to point him in the right direction and help him decipher the play. A well timed 'hit at 7 o'clock' and Lyle would know where to aim his ultra strength body check. Or 'high glove side in 3', would let Lyle know to wind up for a one-timer in 3 seconds time and aim for the top corner on the goalies glove side. Communication would be key here but the Specters team would do great at directing their captain and strongest player where to be and what to do.

CheerfulBender20 · 09-05-2021, 07:37 PM

This is actually a difficult question to answer. Setting aside the predictable Matrix jokes and references, the red pill is an obvious contender for ingestion. After all, a period is only twenty minutes in length, and skating around with a poopy-butthole for five minutes cannot be that bad, right? Moreover, there seems to be no magic force preventing the user from going to the bathroom in the middle of the period, Lamar Jackson style. All in all, a minor digestion issue seems a small price to pay for super speed, which is a tremendous advantage on the ice.

A dark-horse candidate, however, are the allergy meds. Specifically, if those allergy meds are the European specific version of Sudafed, which I am told gives you a massive jolt of energy. While that benefit may not seem as powerful as super strength or super speed, it does not have the downside risk of skating around with poop in your pants, which is simply disgusting.

It’s a toss up. I’ll flip a coin between the red pills and the allergy meds.

raymond3000 · 09-05-2021, 07:47 PM

From the listed pills, the red, green, blue and brown pills clearly offer the greatest boons but also come with the highest costs. Andreas Kvalheim is already pretty satisfied with his life and his skill as a hockey player, so he doesn't really see the need to risk taking any of these pills. Of the other options, the orange and black pills are just mundane everyday items which really aren't hard to obtain and are not anything special. There's no need to get those items from a shady dealer, so Andreas will pass on those. The black pill seem interesting, but the responsibility with the PT job is not something Andreas wants. The recent announcement of multiple prompts, which hopefully includes more sim-related tasks, is the largest thing Andreas would have liked to change anyways. The last pill is the pink pill, and while Andreas wouldn't necessarily want the fame of a Korean pop star, I doubt that fame is all that high in places like Texas and Norway where he spends the majority of his time. And he already more than enough talent, so that stipulation isn't much of a bother.

Rancidbudgie · 09-05-2021, 07:53 PM

The orange pill sounds great, honestly. I don't know about Antonescu, but I personally am seasonally allergic to... well, pretty much damn near everything that is green and grows. Pollen, plants, dander, mites, trees, bees, elephant's knees... you name it. It sucks bad, as it feels like my mouth is dry and itchy, my ears sting like they have wasps on them, my eyes are bloodshot and scratchy, and I sneeze or cough every 4 and a half minutes. Not to mention the sleep most those three months my allergies act up. So yeah, if given a magical cure to allergies, not only will the games in the summer (thankfully not when hockey is on anyways) be more bearable, but the benefit of getting a reliably restful sleep alone would be enough to significantly improve any goalie's overall game. Do, let's assume Antonescu has the same allergy issues that I do, and he goes for the orange pull, hands down.

Thank you to Ham and Sulo for the sigs!

dylanjj37 · 09-05-2021, 07:57 PM

When Sebastian Weiss came across a strange man wearing a trenchcoat on his way to practice one day, he was slightly scared of the suspicious man with the funny accent. When the man pulled out a handful of pills, he just got more confused. Once these pills were explained and all the side effects listed. It seemed like most of the pills would not be that beneficial compared with not taking the pill but there was one option that could be the most helpful. Sebastian requested the purple pill, and instead of taking it himself, he instead took it with him to practice where he told his teammate Petr Svoboda all about the special pills and then offering him the purple pill, the most magical of them all. Svoboda was more than willing to pay a large sum to purchase the pill and so Weiss made a huge chunk of cash without having any horrid side effects like diarrhoea or being tiny.

***luke*** · 09-05-2021, 08:00 PM

I will take the blue pill because all I need is the strength and my big shot in this league. I trained my body enough that I do not need sight when I am zipping around the ice. Who needs eyes when you can shoot the puck and score a goal? Its an easy decision, being blind is not bad at all when you are part bat like me. The easy decision is that I need to get to 500 goals to pass Esa, and this is an easy decision. Just go and set up on the dot(I know where it is because of echo location), wait until I hear the cue and whip that baby straight into the net. And since they cannot get me off the puck because I am super strong it is wasy to place this game of "hockey". Luke THomason will live forever, 1 love im out

fever95 · 09-05-2021, 08:03 PM

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supertardis101 · 09-05-2021, 08:08 PM

PBE PT - https://probaseballexperience.jcink.net/...t&p=358430

the5urreal · 09-05-2021, 08:36 PM

As crazy as it might sound, Atticus Hale would take the blue pill during the offseason. What skills he has in hockey IQ and vision on the ice, he lacks in pure, unadulterated strength. He would then procure some of the same radioactive material that rendered Matt Murdock blind and get that all up in his eyeballs and on his skin and shit. Then, he would seek out Matt Murdock to teach him everything he learned from the blind stranger referred to as "Stick" and apply that to hockey. He would practice everything he learns night in and night out until he has mastered his new "radar sense." The vision he once had on the ice wouldn't matter anymore. Armed with ultra strength and radar-like senses, Atticus would either masterfully avoid that anyone that got in his way on the ice or just plow through them. His shot would be so powerful that goalies would refuse to attempt to save it. He would go on to break every record in the books. Hopefully, by the time his career was over and he finally decided to hang up his skates, they would have invented some sort of cure for blindness or a sort of ocular transplant that would restore his vision. He would live out the rest of his life in comfort.

XLeafer · 09-05-2021, 08:39 PM

https://probaseballexperience.jcink.net/...ntry358708

DannyC · 09-05-2021, 08:46 PM

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