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***CampinKiller*** · 09-05-2021, 08:48 PM

I would take the black pill. Immediately the league would then proceed to notice that I do not like the tpe inflation that has crept into the league over the last few years, as suddenly all the "easier" and shorter tasks like mPTs, primetime, 3v3 showdown, etc. go by the wayside for the weekly 3 TPE PT like this one. The only PTs that the league would have would therefore be the weekly PT, the mock draft, CW, and season predictions. This would then allow me to continue my work on slowly whittling down the available TPE in the league bit by bit, as CW would eventually get the axe as well, and some restructuring of offered TPE would occur. This way I could finally achieve my vision of SHL builds being quite varied as opposed to being fairly similar in many cases, partly a result of the massive amounts of TPE inflation that has hit the league for generations.

juke · 09-05-2021, 08:50 PM

Red pill is the easy choice for me on this one. Blue pill is enticing - after all jukka pretty much plays like he's blind already anyways so the side effect wouldn't even be that bad - but his 19 strength is one of the few things he doesn't suck at, and doesn't need that much improving. Green pill is worthless on him, as 10x an intelligence of zero is still zero. Pink pill is huge negative - after hearing CHI's goal horn this year, get me as far away from korean pop as possible. Black pill is the least desirable thing in existence, cause PT director on this site seems like a brutal job. But considering speed is one of jukka's average-to-below average abilities, the red pill would really up his game. Plus the side effect pooing every 15 minutes isn't even that bad. There's plenty of options; a diaper under my pads, timing the poo with line changes/intermissions. And even if worst comes to worst, if shitting your pants in the middle of a game is good enough for Paul Pierce, it's good enough for jukka.

Tayjay · 09-05-2021, 09:14 PM

PBE affiliate

***Evok*** · 09-05-2021, 09:26 PM

***JaytheGreat*** · 09-05-2021, 09:33 PM

Jakub doesn't do pills not even those supposed diet weight loss pills, that being said if he had to take one it would be the purple one. The choice is fairly easy because, the purple one doesn't come with any sort of side effect, plus the purple tastes like a grape jelly bean and grape is one of my favorite flavors and fruit. As for the consequences that's kinda hard to answer because I don't think there would be any besides maybe a small jolt of energy due to the flavor. Although it's probably not something he would take every game. The pills I wouldn't take are black, brown, or red. I don't want anything effecting my bowels even more so during the game. Also I have no intention on being the PT director I'm not creative and I want nothing to do with the PTs, I would like that pass though.

Rest In Peace Dangel

1st SHL Goal - S52 Game 1 vs Tampa 3. New England Wolfpack , Jakub Bruchevski 1 (Eko Van Otter 1, Delver Fudgeson 2) at 8:10

Scarecrows

Dewalt27 · 09-05-2021, 09:41 PM

As a newly transitioned defender I'm taking the green pill. I need that extra mental boost to be able to keep up with these strats the offense continue to throw at us every week. Sure losing a few feet will be difficult to handle but when you think about it a net is not that tall so it shouldnt impact my ability to block any shots and since the PT director never really said I would lose any weight i refuse to believe that I would be any easier to push around (there are some very tough kids). This new found intelligence should server to improve my game immediately and the benefits would be seen as early as week one. My fear is other teams may start to call and report a violation of labor laws or find reason to dispute his new size and 12 year old looking body. Goldenface has very few official documents and this would prove to be a challenge.

Your Mothers Favorite Goalie · 09-05-2021, 09:47 PM

I dont know how the hell to make this a 150 word PT, so im going to make this about all of the pills I would take

I would take the green pill because even though im only 24, my body is breaking the fuck down, so I would love to have the body of a child because then i might not wake up with my fucking knees and back hurting for once in my life

I would take the orange pill because god dammit pollen really hold a grudge against me

I would take the purple pill because grape is arguably the best jelly bean flavor out there

And finally I would take the black pill because I have a hard time finding ways to write 150 words about taking a pill that makes me poop my pants on the ice. On the positive side, I could potentially just start a coup and ban PTs and give everyone free TPE. I would be a hero to the people

KlusteR · 09-05-2021, 09:50 PM

Jannik would take the green pill in a heartbeat. Yes, his lanky and agile body allows him to strip the opponents of the puck with ease, as well as lay the occasional hit, but he already feels like his hockey IQ is high - so if he was offered to increase it tenfold, it would be an easy choice for him. Also, imagine getting outworked and outmatched by a 3 foot tall animal that knows exactly when and where to lift your stick to place himself in position for a quick breakout. How embarrassing would it be for the goons and juggernauts of the SHL to get beaten to the puck in the offensive zone nine time out of ten, by this dwarven maniac that seemingly can see the future? Of course, you have to be weary of wandering knees to the face, but that's a small price to pay to be able to foresee plays and break down opposing attacks in your head.

(164 words)

Jepox · 09-05-2021, 09:51 PM

Pablo Salvatici of the Simulation Hockey League franchise known as the Atlanta Inferno that is based out of Atlanta, Georgia, United States of America would choose the pink pill that will give him the fame of a Korean pop star, but not the talent of one. This is really a simple choice for him as with this newfound fame he will be bringing in a whole load of people that will become hockey fans just to cheer on Pablo. Not only does this grow the game but it also brings in a new demographic of fans that might otherwise not be interested in the sport that we all know and love so much. On the ice he'll be cheered loader than any other player every time he touches the ice or touches the puck or scores a goal or gets and assist or hits someone or makes a play or just breathes on the bench. The only downside is that he might have creepy stalkers and stuff now but he can use his paycheck to hire security to deal with them so there's basically no downsides to this pill.

189 words

Amidships · 09-05-2021, 09:52 PM

PBE Affiliate

Bongo · 09-05-2021, 09:56 PM

The black pill presupposes a difficult but necessary truth. The black pill is tough to swallow. As PT director I’d begin suggesting unrelated PTs that allow shl players to think introspectively. With our constant stream of information, podcasts, news cycles, music, television, advertisements, our mind becomes cluttered as we are reduced to nothing but a series of transient/consumer identities that ultimately serve the elite neo upper class. My PTs would be questions supporting liberation of the working class and critique of neoliberal status quo agenda. After a few months of relaying black pill after black pill the masses of SHL will be either eat so many black pills that they choose to join together in union to fight manufactured opinion by opposes all forms of algorithmic manipulation and Pavlovian social reinforcement; or simply eat cheetos, smoke weed and watch joe rogan and H3H3 productions videos . Eventually the shl forum will be very Luther-esque, a series of treatises pasted on the front door of all major media outlets front entrances. Also I may do a PT about dogs vs cats cuz I’m a cat guy and I wanna see who else likes cats.

Keygan · 09-05-2021, 10:07 PM

I would opt for the green pill purely due to the fact that I believe with intelligence ten fold what I currently have that I may be able to be successful at something apart from hockey. No one stated that the green pills knowledge applied to only hockey, therefore I will take the green pill and my current SHL earnings and manipulate the stock market to an extent that people may have never seen before. Whether this be the crypto currency market or just general stocks, I imagine within 5 seasons of time I can have multiplied my money by a significant amount to the point that retirement may be a very viable option.

Other than the green pill and its potential for making me loads of cash, I would probably opt for the blue pill and pray to everyone that I become some weird DareDevil style blind guy, with hypersonic senses that cannot be topped by anyone or anything, my bat like echolocation abilities would allow me to fight crime by day and also fight crime by night. I would also become a paralympic athlete in the decathalon sports.

grimreaper · 09-05-2021, 10:16 PM

Robert Black would elect to take the orange pill. The orange pill is simply allergy medicine, which may seem like a silly choice when compared against some of the exceptional hockey benefits afforded by other pills, or indeed the flavour of the purple pill. The black pill also offers an enticing first option, however the drawback is something that just wouldn't be worth it.

The main thinking behind consuming the orange pill is that Robert Black has no known allergies. With such a clean bill of health and a poor understanding of how the body works, the benefit is clearly that the allergy pill would act as some sort of performance enhancing drug. A performance enhancing drug that is legal to take would help to elevate Robert Black on the ice and in the bedroom. Black has turned into a prolific scorer and would no doubt continue to excel as one of the top offensive players on the Newfoundland Berserkers.

Sopath · 09-05-2021, 10:22 PM

Going to have to go with the pink pill here. If there is anything Bas loves more than scoring goals, it is vanity. And nothing screams vanity more than being extremely famous without the talent to back it up. It's a tough legacy to follow as there are so many who've achieved this incredible achievement. Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, Vanillia Ice etc. But I think Bas has what it takes to be extremely famous and obnoxious and make all bask in the glory of his greatness. During the game fans begin to cheer every time Bas takes the ice and they applaud after every action. Bas scores a goal, a riot breaks out. Bas makes a pass, thunderous applause. Bas gets kicked out of the faceoff circle, the fans chant his name. There is no single thing Bas can do without positive reaction. Bas sells his shoe rights to Nike and makes 10 billion dollars.

Exilate · 09-05-2021, 10:29 PM

PBE PT

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