As the team chef, I take no orders. The team eats what I decide to cook and if they don't like it, they get to cook. Today, we are eating my leftover fried fish from yesterday with some cabbage I boiled earlier in the week. We will split my leftovers between the entire team and through the power of comradery, there will be enough for everyone to eat. Alternatively, those who don't get enough to eat will pass out and then I won't have to cook for them.
Tomorrow, I will use the disaster of today to convince leadership that I should just order catering regularly so no one is subject to passing out. Of course, all the ordering is done on my credit card to rack up points, and I over order to take leftovers home. These are the techniques I use to get by on less and less salary as my bones turn to dust and the minimum wage for my skills hits lower thresholds.
Also, we drink pilk every Wednesday to strengthen our immune systems.
Wow after our current chef quit the team reached out to me, star forward Pablo Salvatici of the Atlanta Inferno Simulation Hockey League franchise to fill his position. Oh baby what an opportunity. I took the chance to get in the kitchen myself and whip up some great new meals for us to devour before we go out and play the greatest game on the planet. Unfortunately for our team I am not a chef so I offered them very minimal choices but forced them to drink my specialty drink, pilk. Some guys were not very happy with me, like Dick Clapper who cancelled me, but others like Gabriel Johnson ended up going out of their way to order more pilk. The weirdest order was definitely one of two things. Firstly the weirdest had to be Puddles O'Duck ordering breadcrumbs in a bucket. The second was Pavel Jezkiak ordering a sandwich with no crust. Eat your crust it'll make you big and strong and score goals. Anyways I forced my team to drink pilk for a few days until they hired a proper chef but it was the best few days of my life.
I've recently discovered I have a gluten intolerance. Well, I'm not sure if that's accurate but I'm changing my diet to either see if that's the problem or eliminate that as a potential cause. So if I'm in charge of food then everyone has to roll with me. There are a few decent gluten free options. I'd start with making pizza for everyone with a quinoa crust. I've never tried it but we are all on this adventure together. During the week we keep it simple with grilled chicken and vegetables. It's quick and easy and it always tastes good as long as you don't go cheap on the chicken. I'll throw in some other lean protein to change it up, some fish and pork. I'm still looking for a decent bread alternative but that's been a struggle. Reception will probably be less than stellar.
02-06-2022, 08:04 PM(This post was last modified: 02-06-2022, 08:04 PM by mcpumpkin.)
Prompt 1
Lenny would take the opportunity of becoming team chef to bring everyone onto his American diet of mayonaise and cheese sandwiches on white bread. There is a lot of nuance to this athletic eatubg strategy, and I shall go over it in detail:
The Mayonaise: stop pretending to hate mayo. We know everyone is actually okay with it. It's just a spread. The mayo for our sandwich needs to be more of a glue than a lubricant. Between these white, creamy slatherings of mayo is going to be a freshly processed piece of cheese, and we can't go around doing good hockey things with a slippery cheese. Consider thickening your mayo with corn starch and/or a roux for maximum cheese tug.
The Cheese: there's only one choice, and you've got some from 2015 still in that drawer thing in your fridge. That's right, it's Kraft singies. While it's not actually cheese and is defined as just a "cheese food", Lenny can snack on these all day long. And he does. Ovi drinks coke on the bench, Lenny slams singies.
The bread: although Lenny has a preference of white Wonderbread, it's sufficient to say that people are stupid and can't really recgonize the difference between white breads, so just use what you've got.
America wins again.
raymond3000 Registered
S11, S35 Challenge Cup Champion
Posts:3,725 Threads: 106 Joined: Nov 2011 Reputation:36
Pronouns: Undisclosed
Player: Andreas Kvalheim
Andreas Kvalheim keeps to a strict diet in order to keep his body in peak operating condition. As he has gotten older, he has started paying more attention to his body and all the factors that go into staying healthy. Food is certainly a very important factor, and therefore Andreas has employed the help of a dietitian to help create a delicious and healthy meal plan which is optimized for the unique needs and demands of being a professional hockey player. Andreas has also hired a personal chef to help prepare all of these meals and ensure this whole process of sticking to the diet is as easy and painless as possible. What does his meals actually consist of? Well nothing too ground breaking. Lots of fish and chicken for protein instead of red meats which can be harder on the body. Lots of smoothies as well with berries and leafy greens to up the nutrients.
If I had to take over as chef for the Seattle Argonauts, I'll just be honest with you, it wouldn't go super well. I can't cook on the best of days and on the worst of days, well I still can't cook. So on my first day as chef, it would be Taco Mondays. Tacos are easy to make and everyone enjoys them. Which means day two would be Taco Tuesdays. This one is just easy. Tacos are the quintessential Tuesday food. Day three would obviously be Taco Wednesday. Are you starting to figure out a pattern here? Day 4? Taco Thursday. Day 5 is Taco Friday. And don't forget Taco weekends. They fired me pretty quickly. It was something about way too many tacos but not enough traditional food. Jokes on them though, I brought the salsa and I'm taking it with me. No more tacos for the Seattle Argonauts.
With my job as Joseph Weston becoming the new team chef beginning today for the Toronto North Stars he agrees to make the team a meal together. Joseph Weston decides to create a series of American breakfast based skillets, with green peppers, onions, hash browns, ham, and eggs cooked to request. While tiring, skillets are Joseph Weston's favorite kind of meals and he wishes to share that with the team. While some teammates request scrambled eggs, some go over medium eggs, some may want straight sunny side up, and it is all some sort of stuff that Weston can make for them. Some even request the meal vegetarian so that results in Joseph Weston being extremely confused about whether or not that means eggs can go in the meal. Joseph Weston is occasionally not a smart man. So he instead decides to just ask them and figure out based on their response which doesn't help much to be completely honest
Sebastian Weiss did not know why he was being made team chef. He had never in his life ordered the old team chef to make whatever ‘pilk’ was and he also was not a good cook. Still, he was told he was now the team chef which meant he would make the most of it. Whilst he served his good friend Mikael Jakobsen only the best meals he could make, he insisted on only ever serving meatBALLS to his teammate Chris McZehrl Jr. McZ was not very happy about this but Sebastian knew it was best if he only gave him ‘balls. Finally, for his rival Ben Jammin he would create a dish so uneatable that when Ben ate it to pretend to be nice he would be sick and unable to play for days, allowing Sebastian to show the coaches how much better he was than Ben Jammin and that the team should make Ben Jammin the new mascot instead of playing him.
PROMPT 2- Or maybe the team chef was happy to serve "pilk" to the masses...
Lyle had a very strict diet in his younger days, he always wanted to be in the best shape he could be. This hasn't changed all that much, he still wants to be in tip top shape but he has realized he could still eat what he wants, to an extent. He has changed he gameday meal, from a protein shake and a salad, to a montreal smoked meat sandwich, still with a salad. The Montreal native has gone back to his roots bringing the deli meat into his rituals. Lyle isn't what you'd call a foodie, he will be the first to tell you he likes what he likes and that goes for everything in his life, especially food. A lot of the young players see Lyle's gameday grub and drool over the sandwich artistry, Lyle just smiles in acknowledgement, knowing their time will come too, to just enjoy the small things in life and in hockey.
The chef just quit and it is mine job to make sure that the team is fed what will help them win as many games as they can. First off we are gonna start on making chicken and fish for the main courses. Both are great sources of protein that the team will need to keep their weight up. Next working on the veggies and fruits for the meals. Have to make sure everyone is getting their greens and healthier foods in while making sure it is tasty at the same time. Next up is a pasta dish. Something that is light but feeling to make sure nobody overdoses on the carbs they would be intaking. Of course Gotta have the salads, house salad, and also a pasta salad to mix things up and give another option of salad. Gotta have some sweets to make people happy. Small treats like little cakes or cupcakes to get that sweet tooth and keep people smiling after their fantastic meal.
Jasper Maximov does not really plan what he eats before a game and that might explain why he is not doing great compared to his teammates, even if he trains super hard. Who would have thought that only consuming this TPE thingy would not be enough for him to be good? With so many champions and regularly cool dudes on his team, he should be able to get someone to give him their secrets to what makes them so awesome but just like any hotshot in the SHL, Jasper thought he did not need anyone’s advice and look where that got him. When people ask him what he eats because apparently it’s a common question to ask total strangers, just so he does not look dumb by saying “uhhh I dunno man”, he instead says all the crap he eats reminds him of home, his babushka and whatnot. Nobody believes him but his babushka is happy whenever he mentions her and that's more important than good on-ice performances. Right?!
It was a very bad choice to make Ergo Nomic the chef. Ergo does not take orders. You eat what Ergo puts down or you do not eat at all. On weekends, the meals are as follows. Breakfast- Lucky Charms with Almond milk. We have no nut allergies on the team.... I hope. Oh well. Lunches on the weekends are all you can eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Cut your own crust. Dinner is chicken and dumplings. The weeks menu goes like this:
Monday -
Breakfast - Eggs and toast
Lunch - hamburgers
Dinner - spaghetti
Tuesday -
Breakfast - spinach omelets
Lunch - pizza, pepperoni and sausage
Dinner - red beans and rice
Wednesday -
Breakfast - Bacon egg fritters
Lunch - salmon and jasmine rice
Dinner - tuna roll sushi
Thursday -
Breakfast - bagels and cream cheese or butter
Lunch - chicken parm
Dinner - steak, backed potato, green beans
Friday -
Breakfast - eggs benedict
Lunch - chicken tenders
Dinner - Lasagna
You will like what Ergo makes, or else you can go get your own food.
Before each and every game there is o Lu one meal that Teddy Murphy eats. He matches his fat ass over to a Japanese steakhouse for some hibachi. The presentation before the meal when the chef is throwing shit around like eggs and onions and crap inspires Murphy to have the silkiest of mitts from the initial face off to the finals buzzer. If that man cooking the meal is able to throw an egg around like a sack of potatoes, then Murphy is certainly able to deke with the best of the SHL. That’s just the warmup though, because the New York strip and chicken meal with extra fried rice also gets Teddy’s body in the right space to dominate on the ice. Coach always talks about the need to carbo load and rice is nothing but carbs. Add in the protein in the meats, but not all red meat, and the nutrients in the icky veggies and hibachi is the ultimate prep meal.
Scrufdaddy![[Image: scrufdaddy2.gif]](https://sig.grumpybumpers.com/host/scrufdaddy2.gif)
![[Image: Tqabyfh.png]](http://i.imgur.com/Tqabyfh.png)
![[Image: UDyqktK.png]](http://i.imgur.com/UDyqktK.png)
![[Image: 1DL5JDX.png]](https://i.imgur.com/1DL5JDX.png)
![[Image: Jepox.gif]](https://sig.grumpybumpers.com/host/Jepox.gif)
![[Image: v1uynGf.png]](https://i.imgur.com/v1uynGf.png)
![[Image: WuTGq5J.png]](https://i.imgur.com/WuTGq5J.png)
![[Image: 17307_s.gif]](https://signavatar.com/17307_s.gif)
![[Image: theziegs.gif]](https://sig.grumpybumpers.com/host/theziegs.gif)
![[Image: buster.gif]](https://sig.grumpybumpers.com/host/buster.gif)
![[Image: 59269_s.png]](https://signavatar.com/59269_s.png)
![[Image: CsnVET2.png]](https://i.imgur.com/CsnVET2.png)
|| ![[Image: wu5MVvy.png]](http://i.imgur.com/wu5MVvy.png)
|| ![[Image: c8B2LE3.png]](https://i.imgur.com/c8B2LE3.png)
| 
| ![[Image: KSelich.gif]](https://sig.grumpybumpers.com/host/KSelich.gif)
![[Image: vhY18i8.png]](http://i.imgur.com/vhY18i8.png)
![[Image: Raptors.png]](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/323061921261551616/626488103170998304/Raptors.png)
![[Image: gs89eGV.png]](http://i.imgur.com/gs89eGV.png)
![[Image: eE2UQZC.png]](https://i.imgur.com/eE2UQZC.png)
![[Image: Ci4nm13.png]](https://i.imgur.com/Ci4nm13.png)
sig by @Bruins10 
![[Image: ImShiny.gif]](https://sig.grumpybumpers.com/host/ImShiny.gif)
![[Image: Oqsvuu4.png]](https://i.imgur.com/Oqsvuu4.png)
![[Image: badwolf221B42.gif]](https://sig.grumpybumpers.com/host/badwolf221B42.gif)
![[Image: DG0jZcS.png]](https://i.imgur.com/DG0jZcS.png)
