TASK 2 (150 words) 



Look out, cashier!  TMZ got their hands on this photo of a shiny new Porche that missed its parking spot at a Miami gas station.  Our crack investigative team found the car was registered to none other than Zach Evans, captain of the Winnipeg Jets!  The lone 2AM gas station staffer, our hero of the story, was in a detached outhouse at the time of the accident.  Evans was found three blocks away with no signs of injury, and completely unaware of his car's new garage. There were no eyewitnesses to the event, so it looks like Evans might get off scot free for this one.  Police are investigating.  Let's just hope, for all our sakes, that he didn't hit the poor slurpee machine!


TASK 4

Podcast Link


TASK 5

Quote:What young player has a chance to make a name for themselves in this series? (53 words)

It’s gotta be Troy McClure III.  Troy is the youngest player in this series by a country mile and has impressed at the Major Junior level already.  He has a crushing defensive mind and can sniff out the back of the net dizzy and blindfolded.  Keep an eye on his play this series.

Quote:Who has been their team’s surprise player in the postseason? (66 words)

Jason Visser has been a surprise during the S43 playoffs, but not for the reason you think.  Visser is known as a tremendously skilled player and point producer, but he stood up for his team and dropped the gloves against the Los Angeles Panthers during a round 2 game.  Time will tell if Visser will keep this aggressive part of his game going into the finals.

Quote:Who is the favorite and the underdog going into this series, and why? (52 words)

West Kendall has been dominant all the way through preliminary rounds this season, putting away the Steelhawks in 6 and the Stampede in 5.  The Jets only had to play an additional two games, but that rest time for the Platoon could make all the difference, and gives them the early edge.


TASK 8

Crossfit Jesus's Crossfit Pizza



This stadium classic, designed by Crossfit Jesus himself, is sure to delight.  But it holds a secret in its folds--a healthy serving of vegetables!  Made with a cauliflower crust, this pizza is high in potassium and protein for the extremely athletic that still want a cheat meal here and there.  Served Margherita style with roma tomatoes, mozzarella cheese, fresh basil and house-made tomato sauce, the Crossfit Jesus Cauliflower Pizza is a treat you don't have to feel bad about.

Connor Blackwell's Black Bean Taquitos



A taste of Baja California, Connor Blackwell helped us develop these delicious black bean taquitos!  Made with yellow corn tortillas sourced from a local tortillaria, we pump up these tortillas with our black bean filling.  Onion, cilantro, and garlic give the distinctive color to our black beans, right before a three minute trip in 100% peanut oil.  A perfect crunch made even better with our authentic tomato salsa, fresh guacamole, or some Daisy sour cream!

TASK 9 (173 words)

Oh no!  Performing artist Katy Perry was unable to make the performance!  Fortunately for us, a local celebrity was in the audience.  Jimmy Whazzisname, better known as the dancer behind Left Shark, happens to be a huge Winnipeg Jets fan, and was in the audience for the opening game!  After a short interview in a backstage set, Left Shark emerges from the ramp in costume and takes the ice!

On second thought, I really hope he knows how to skate.

On third thought, maybe it's better if he doesn't.

Accompanied by mascots from both the Jets and the Platoon, the three mascots line up for a quick race around the ice, toss some t-shirts to some young fans, and leave the audience happy and not realizing their headline entertainment is out with a sore foot.

The best part of the whole thing?  The idiot agreed to work for "exposure".  So all way have to buy is a pack of cigarettes to bribe the local news broadcaster into taping a five minute interview session.