Task 1

Otis B. Driftwood has come into his own in this league that we all know and love. His tpe number is finally high enough to let him really tangle with the big boys.  I was very happy with the season he put up this year. Forwards in the SHL are at an advantage when it comes to getting hits, but Driftwood was still able to finish well within the top ten in hits. His shot block number was very solid as well, especially for a team that was pretty good and didn’t give up a ton of shots overall. Otis is not a guy that’s ever going to put up crazy point totals. He is too unselfish and oriented in a team first way to seek personal aggrandizement through scoring. Nevertheless, he put up a decent point total, especially on the assist front.  In S47 his build should be effectively full and I do expect a slight uptick in most of these numbers, but we’ll see.

Task 3

1. Although I believe WannabeFinn and Tomen are a very solid GM duo, have had a great season and should be good for some time to come, I would still need to give the add to Joe K and TDZ in this GM faceoff. Joe K and TDZ have been a management duo together for some time now with the St. Louis Scarecrows and have won Four Star Cups in the past. They know how to build a team, set lines and keep everyone involved.

Task 5

I’ve seen some shit in my day, man. I mean some really freaky stuff. One time I saw a kindergartner eat a Barca lounger while an old man was still sitting in it. I saw a monkey smoking a cigarette and jacking off to a picture of Ethel Merman at the same time. I’m telling you man, I have seen things. But I never, I mean never, saw some shit like that before. What I saw that day has scarred my soul, man. I still see it every time I close my eyes.

I’ve got friends on the Stampede and I went by their locker room to say hi. I walked back and in , only to see something that my mind could barely comprehend. There was Alexis Metzler, superstar defenseman, standing in a half-filled kiddie pool in the middle of the locker room floor. He was wearing a g-string and some pasties over his nipples and what appeared to be a Dorothy wig from the Wizard of Oz and nothing else. Meanwhile, he was surrounded by teammates, all of whom were wearing only socks, slipped over their genitals, with little pictures of Rainbow Dash’s face pasted to the front facing Metzler. They were throwing orange wedges at Metzler and chanting, “Judy Garland , Rainbow Dash, Judy Garland, Rainbow Dash” over and over again. Metzler had a look of ecstasy and fervor on his face that made my soul shudder within me.

I ran from the room crying and shaken. My emotions were a mess and it took me some time to sort out all the things I was feeling, partly disgusted, more aroused, and perhaps more than anything else, deeply desiring to dress like a pony and watch The Wizard of Oz.

@Avakael @Eggy216


Task 7

When Otis B. Driftwood received the call, he was ready. The call being from the SHL commissioner ‘s office on the topic of charity. It seems the HO, in an effort to soften it’s fascist image, wanted to do some well publicized charity work leading up to the Challenge Cup Finals. The HO made it clear they didn’t really care what the charity was. They didn’t have any actual sympathy for any other human beings. They simply wanted to engage in a little re-direction while simultaneously keeping their jackboots pressed tight to the throats of their players and staff.

This was a perfect opportunity for Otis. He got on the horn with his old drinking buddy, professional bowler, raconteur and ladies man “Big Ern” McCracken and started making plans. McCracken had long been involved with the Unified Fund, a charity devoted to single mothers. In fact, McCracken had hand picked one mother in every town he toured in to receive a cash donation directly from his own hand, or more often from the bedside table. He is so devoted his car can usually be seen parked in the ladies’ driveways late into the night and again early the next morning. That is some real giving and dedication right there.

Otis knew he needed to be a part of one thing so wonderful. He couldn’t wait to get started handing out the SHL’s money directly to his own group of single moms all over North America. In fact his first real effort involved painstakingly pouring through pictures of all the prospective women and studying their vitals. In the end the whole thing really took off with a bang, several in fact



Task 13

In a world that hockey forgot, amidst a land torn by strife and familial discordance, at a time forgotten by history, but oddly remembered by one old woman that hangs out in front of the local Quickie Mart, an epic battle was fought by two opposing forces, made up of mighty, fighting men, dressed in ceremonial garb and armed with the tools of their trade. This was the Challenge Cup Championships fought between the Buffalo Stampede and the New Orleans Spectres. Witness the passion of forbidden love, the anger of jealousy and thirst for vengeance. Agonize over a quest for redemption and the strange lands t9 which this leads. Never before has such an all consuming struggle been fought. Perhaps never again will we see two sides so evenly matched yet so dynamically opposed. This is playoff hockey in al, it’s glory.  Miss this and you might as well go live as a hermit at the top of one of the high Andes peaks. Be there or be square!


Task 14
Pm sent