TASK 13: sent

Task 7:
Selecting the anthem singers for the challenge cup finals games was a huge responsibility. Only the best were considered, and only the very best were selected. At home games in West Kendall, the anthems of both great nations were sung by John Stamos as Elvis Presley. John wore a red, white, and blue bedazzled one piece suite with a giant collar and huge sunglasses with rhinestone eagles all over the frames. He sang in the style of Elvis and even grew out his sideburns for the occasion. In Calgary, the anthems were sung by Canadian national treasure Carly Rae Jepsen as Celine Dion. We wanted to get the actual Celine Dion, but she was busy and also way above our budget. Carly Rae wore a Mike Izzy jersey and sang into a chicken parm sandwich shaped microphone, but she did it in the style of Celine with sweeping hand gestures and a French Canadian accent. We hear Celine was impressed.

Task 8:


Task 9:
For Cloutier, the biggest disappointment this SHL postseason was the San Francisco Pride. His best friend, former roommate, former teammate, and former captain Leo Lockhart is a rookie on the team. Not only did Cloutier want them to do well because he wants good things for his best friend forever, but honestly if they'd made it farther in the playoffs, maybe Cloutier wouldn't have had to listen to Lockhart bitch so much about what a horribly shitty season he had. It's like, come on bro, you made the SHL. Cry a little more about it, eh? But for real though, it wasn't all Lockhart's fault that they sucked. They did some good things defensively. The team just couldn't seem to buy a goal. Like, if offense was oxygen and the Pride were locked in an airtight cellar, they wouldn't have very long to live, is all I'm saying. So yeah, it would have been nice if they had made it a little farther. But whatever, maybe Lockhart is free for a round of golf this weekend.

Task 3:
Olivier Cloutier loves being captain of the Anchorage Armada. He loves the view of the mountains from his apartment window, the coaching staff, the giant mural welcoming people to the shipyard at the rink, the friends he's made on the team, and the fans that bring giant cutouts of his head and wave them around during the playoffs. He'd give all that up, though, for one shot at playing on SHL ice. He'd miss Anchorage, but he's ready to trade the mountain view for one of the beach, and while being able to skate circles around rookies in the SMJHL is fun, he'd rather be trying to keep up with the SHL greats and feel like he's really started achieving his goals. Being drafted was step one, but Barracuda management keep telling him he's not quite ready, and Cloutier can't help but wonder what, exactly, he has to do to prove himself worthy of making the leap.

Task 5, #2.
It is entirely evident that the West Kendall Platoon's general manager team, JR95 and Wongy, had a total tactical advantage over the Calgary Dragons' general managers, Steelhead77 and c00kies. It's no surprise that the two teams, having both won cups in recent seasons, are in good hands, but WKP brought that extra edge this season, as evidenced by the fact that they won, so they had to have some sort of tactics on their side. That, or luck, I don't know, Simon is an asshole.