Slappy McDoodle was surprised at the invitation to speak at the SHL 50th anniversary gala. Although he considered himself a wonderful public speaker, and often gave long, impromptu talks about life, the universe and everything and why the answer to it all is 42, down by the water on South Beach, the league itself had never asked to him to speak before.

He was determined not to let this chance pass him by. He gathered his retinue of gurus, shamans, visionaries and charlatans together and dosed everyone liberally with LSD. Once everyone was peaking, the brainstorming session began. A weekend of legendary debauchery, and amateur philosophizing ensued. When everyone emerged from McDoodle’s beachside house at the end of the weekend sticky, reeking of sex and booze and stained with various ointments, powders and bodily fluids, a masterpiece had been written.

Slappy McDoodle arrived at the gala ready to roll. The speech he would give would change the world. It contained truths of such power and undeniable elegance it caused spontaneous tears in all who heard it, along with a desire to give one’s life over to health, healing and charity. It was a magnum opus of brilliance and wit.

Five minutes before McDoodle was to deliver this treatise of truth and love and elevate humanity to the next evolution, Pierre Luc LaFlamme’s three large and lovely sisters showed up backstage with a slip and slide and a large tub of cool whip, to beckon Slappy into an unused storage room. Such is the capriciousness of life. The world changing speech ended up at the bottom of a pile of cool whip covered humanity. McDoodle never made it on stage but regretted nothing.