Task 1

Otis B. Driftwood, upon receiving an invitation to attend games 1 and 2 in Edmonton for this season’s Challenge Cup Finals, saw an opportunity. Driftwood is a man of great appetites, for food, wine, women (and maybe an occasional guy after enough drinks) and song. This invitation, on the Head Office’s dime, was the means to debauchery on a scale unforeseen for some time.

Upon arriving at the luxurious Fairmont Hotel and checking into his penthouse suite, Otis started making calls. The first call was to the concierge with a list of requests. Soon high end bottles of alcohol started being carted up by bellboys along with various mixers and a full complement of specialty glasses and shakers. Platters of foie gras, caviar, oysters, cheese and fresh sushi arrived by the cartload.

The next call was to a local strip club. An arrangement was made, charged to the suite of course, and soon all the ladies were showing up ready to party. The concierge was able to put Otis in contact with a local procurer of illicit substances who sent over a few eight balls of blow, a sheet of acid and a few ounces of some killer weed. Otis called up a few local friends with some time on their hands and a desire to experience life.

Well long story short, Otis never saw one second of a hockey game while in town. In fact he never left the suite for four days. The SHL commissioner was later aghast when receiving a seventy five thousand dollar bill from the Fairmont.

Task 2

Reality is a malleable term. most people’s minds cannot conceive of the multiverse, an infinite number of worlds. This means that literally everything is true somewhere. There is a world where the Buffalo Stampede and the Calgary Dragons get together for weekly orgies in a huge tub of pudding. There is a world where the entire Hamilton roster are connected ass to mouth like a giant human centipede.

In one world the Calgary Dragons made the Challenge Cup finals against the West Kendall Platoon. It was however, the West Kendall Platoon of our season 30 when Slappy McDoodle was the first line center and a defensive superstud. This led to a monumental collision when Slappy McDoodle was skating full speed down the ice with the puck. Otis B. Driftwood was waiting at the blue line to pick him up. When the two large men met, there was a collision. This collision was so monumental, the very Earth shook. The arena could not handle the stress. The roof fell in and crushed all the spectators.

It was a horror.


Task 7

No doubt the SHL is flagging in popularity at the moment. Something is needed to spark a renewal of love for the league. Fortunately the recent town hall discussion developed a full complement of tools for the job.

First off, a public burning of Hamilton Steelhawks management. Hallsy, Aaron Wilson, Drunken Teddy and whoever else is determined to have been involved in the attempt to destroy the league will be taken out of their homes, brought to a public square, chained to posts atop re-made cairns of gasoline soaked wood and set ablaze. Families will gather to roast marshmallows and enjoy some wholesome family fun watching the accursed management group burn.

Second thought would be topless ice dancers for each team. These lovely ladies would skate out during timeouts and in between periods to entertain the crowd. Wholesome fun for the whole family.

The third and final suggestion passed up the line is dollar beer night once a month at each rink. Allhockey fans like beer. It’s a no-brainer.


Task 14

2 man 4 tpe https://soundcloud.com/slappydoodle/cw-s51-bsh


Task 18
Pm sent