Task #2
Come on down to our game on 10/15/2020 and get yourself a once in a life time, super rare, commemorative Anchorage Armada beach ball! Each beach ball is signed by Chimkin Tendy himself and each one has been used to score on him! The first 500 fans get a five hole beach ball! In addition, there will be a silent auction held for Tendy’s S56 SMJHL Anchorage Armada game worn mask, and the bidding will start at $0, and hopefully someone will spend a few quarters to buy it, because we really need to make room in our storage locker for actual good players’ gear.

Task #3
The pregame rituals between Chimkin Tendy, the back up goaltender for the Anchorage Armada, and Leo Bloomfield, the starting goalie for the Maine Timber, differ greatly. First of all, Tendy isn’t even starting, so you can find him sitting in his locker room booth eating a coney dog with all the fixins. Bloomfield is deep in thought, a look of incredible focus on his face, with his headphones in. He prefers to listen to rock music to get his juices flowing. Tendy doesn’t listen to any music, because he needs to hear the microwave go off, signifying his hot pockets are done heating up.

Task #4
Recognizing the incredible fortune that has been bestowed upon me, I realized that I must give back to the community in which has supported me so much throughout my rookie season. Thus, I have established the “Chimkin Tendy Sucks For Your Benefit” charitable organization. For every goal I let in, I donate one dollar to the Anchorage Food Bank. Needless to say, the Anchorage Food Bank is fully funded and stocked well through 2033. Also, I am absolutely broke now and need a new contract ASAP. I’m either going to have to ask for way more money this time or change the charity.

Task #5
My dream team from the Timber and Berzerkers would be the following:
LW – Kyle Sutton. Kyle had 26 points in 24 games for the Timber in the S55 playoffs. This means he’s incredibly clutch and with 16 goals and 10 assists, it appears he is quite the goal scoring phenom.
C – Guy LeGrande. Guy had 16 points in 17 games for the Berzerkers in the playoffs, making him the highest scoring center in the S55 playoffs. With 8 goals and 8 assists, he is very well rounded.
RW – Andrei Kostitsyn. Andrei had 17 points in 17 games for the Berzerkers with 8 goals and 9 points, making him very well rounded as well. He and Guy would compliment Sutton’s scoring prowess perfectly.
D – My two defenseman would be Will Windsor of the Timber and Adrik Baranov of the Tinder, who had the highest +/- in the playoffs of any defenseman, posting a +14 and +12 respectively. They also combined for 25 points in 48 games, which is great for a top defensive pairing and a great compliment to this elite forward group.
G – Cale Amundsen. Cale gets the edge for goaltenders, as he posted a 2.01 GAA and 0.924 save percentage for the Berzrkers this year in the playoffs. That was good for first among all goalies in the playoffs. Absolute stud.

Task #6
Round 2 would have gone a lot differently for the Anchorage Armada if they played a team that didn’t shut them down and make them look stupid. The Armada played nothing like the regular season, where at times they looked absolutely unstoppable. Scoochie Stratton simply couldn’t keep up his insane level of play, posting a 4.08 goals against average in the playoffs, well about his incredible 1.62 over the regular season. The defense wasn’t off the hook though, as they allowed 186 shots over 7 games, which on average is 27 shots per game. Facing a team that would have generated less shots would have certainly helped. Scoring support was also absent, with no one on the Anchorage Armada even cracking the top 25 list of point scorers in the playoffs. The Timber played a sound defensive series and shut the Armada’s goal scorers down consistently. On top of that, the back up goalie, Chimkin Tendy, when called upon could only stop six of the seven shots he faced, which is incredibly embarrassing and he should feel great shame.

Task #7
The new playoff format is both bad and good in my humble opinion. For one, the East vs West teams playing themselves before the finals is a better way to sift out the weaker teams and promote the better teams to the next series. For example, say the entire Western conference is a lame shit show of terrible teams and the entire East is the lord’s gift to hockey. This will eliminate the lame teams and possible have a better final as a result. It’s also bad because it could have two really good teams up against each other early on, causing one of them (obviously) to lose out early when they could have made a deep run if they were playing the weaker teams. This could lead, in theory, to the #1 team playing the #12 team in the finals, which would be a shit show in and of itself.

Task #8
I’d say I actually performed pretty well for a brand new back up goalie. I certainly blew my own expectations away, as I thought for sure I’d let in every single shot I was faced with. My 5-4 record could have been better, but my goals against average and save percentage was actually pretty respectable for a rookie. I do wish, however, that I had played in more games. I blame my general managers for that, since the nerds thought I went inactive so they only played me ten games. It’s not my fault I don’t always talk in the Discord, and a simple check of my update page would’ve shown I was still active. I DEMAND A TRADE. Nah, but I’m happy with how I performed and I’m obviously hoping to do even better next season. The sky is the limit, as they say, and with my training and TPE improvements I can only go up from here… right?... right guys?

Task #9
Vikings would win. Without a doubt. They have ships and weapons… swords and cannons (I think) and bows and arrows. Lumberjacks are burly and have axes, but the difference is the Vikings are warriors. They were born and bred killers from the second they exited their mothers’ wombs and entered this world. Lumberjacks can cut down trees real quick, cool. Vikings can cut down villages and pillage. The Vikings would level over the lumberjacks and make them look like children immediately. This is no contest. I can’t believe this is even a question that anyone would realistically debate over. Vikings. Next.

Task #10
The Anchorage Armada are a great team with great management. They were pretty close to being the best team in the league last season, and I don’t see any reason they won’t be at the stop again in season 56. For every player the team loses, the management finds a star to replace them. For every Chimkin Tendy, there is a Scoochie Stratton to make up for them. If the same team comes back next season with minimal losses plus some additions from the draft and off season, I feel like the Anchorage Armada are going to be the 4 Star favorites and the team to beat in season 56. But for the love of god, if Stratton finally makes it to the SHL, and the Armada have to rely on Tendy to be their starting tendy, they will be a basement dwelling team all season. Our only hope is that there is some sort of miracle and Tendy becomes not terrible.

Task #11
With the fact that I am a goalie and a brand new one at that, my focus is on training as much as I can and doing everything I can in order to ensure I have a bright future on the Anchorage Armada. I will be on this team for the foreseeable future and even if I do get drafted, I definitely don’t see myself getting called up to the SHL next season, or even the season after that. So what I need to do now is focus on my training, focus on getting better, and focus on continuing the winning tradition of excellence that is the Anchorage Armada. Whether that’s in a starter or a backup position is still to be determined. Actually now that I think about it… I signed a one year deal… so who knows where I’ll be… Yo Anchorage please hit me up for an extension lmao.

Task #12
Chimkin Tendy, the towering goaltender from Serbia, is hot on our list of “he may or may not be good”, falling pretty much right in the lower middle of the rankings for the S56 SHL draft. Why so low? You may ask. Well here’s why. For one, Tendy is a young goaltender. He is so young, in fact, that he missed the S55 SMJHL draft and was signed as a free agent. He put up good numbers in a very limited role on the team as their back up, and was completely shadowed by Scoochie Stratton’s insane, award winning season, but Tendy was a more than solid back up. If drafted, we predict he will go in the later rounds, possibly third or fourth. There isn’t much of a demand for young and inexperienced goalies in the SHL, or for goalies in general, on top of the fact that there are other more seasoned goalies going into the S56 SHL draft. Tendy will make a great goalie for a SHL team one day, but this Tendy needs more seasoning in the juniors to really blossom.

Task #16
Done, verification word: SWIGGITYSWAGGITYYOMOMISANICELADY

I didn't know this was capped at 16 lmao