John Donair had a phenomenal year this season. I can’t imagine it going any better, really. Thirty goals is incredible, and it surpassed nearly every expectation I had. It’s exciting to know that, at least for one season, I’ll be up on the FHM-era list for most goals in a season. The powerplay goals record for the franchise is solid, too! In short, I’m elated. What really makes me happiest about it was that it was a build I created essentially on my own. I talked to my GMs and they asked me to tweak just a little thing to improve balance, and I’m glad we came to that conclusion as a group. After all, I’m nothing without the team feeding me pucks around the net. As I move to the 425 cap next season, I want to keep building on those things I already do better than a lot of the league, like getting open and screening. With the firepower we have coming up in Anaheim on the defensive side, I don’t need to worry a whole lot about rounding out that portion of my game. I just need to keep scoring goals. (194)




So this format is super easy. Pool Play Phase 1 begins with seeds 1-4 in Pool C1, seeds 5-8 in Pool B1, and seed 9-12 in Pool A1. Each pool plays 6 games. We then go to the bracket portion, in that the first places of A and B go head-to-head, followed by 2nd places, etc. – and the winners of those games play the reverse-finishing counterparts in the top 4 seeded pool. All of those are best-of-three.
Those last BO3’s don’t mean shit, cuz we’re going back to pool play after that. Winners go to Pool A2, Losers to Pool B2. Doesn’t matter how many times we play each other here, since Bracket 2 includes everyone and we’re on best of sevens now. Again, as if it mattered, 1st place A goes against 1st place B and so on in the first round. The winners of each series play each other 9 times in the 3rd and final Pool Phase in Pool A3. The top two teams play a best of 11 for the championship. Let’s see IIHF compete with that. (181)


Haiku Sonnet

"What's the SHL?"
Said a naive, younger me
Talking to Wilson.

"It's a forum game
Where you make a character
Who plays hockey, eh?"

Wilson, me, and Joel
Played this game called Smallball Sports
Way back in the day

But now we're all here
In different capacities
Friends the whole way through

Different forums, different sports,
But simming games online rules.


The best team to not make the finals – or even make the second round of the playoffs – was clearly the Anaheim Outlaws. They had a high-powered offense, a rookie goalie who wasn't exactly playing out of his mind all the time but stood fast in net, and a burgeoning young defenseman who really deserved more hardware than he alreayd should be getting in the offseason. The gigantic caveat when considering that, though, is that Boxman wasn’t with the team toward the end of the season. While the Outlaws struggled to get wins down the stretch without Boxman in the lineup, there’s very little doubt in my mind that some adjustments in management were the only thing separating the team from maintaining that greatness (as big of a stud as Boxman obviously was). Still, the team is stacked with talent from top to bottom, including myself (Donair), Ryu Jones, Thomas Rose, new guy Casey Outlaw, Jonas Muller, and ROTY candidate Arsene LeClerc. The future is bright for these boys.


a. Let’s compare a few critical stats to see who has the better team:
Speed – Hamilton has 4 forwards with 17 speed, Buffalo has 2 forwards and 2 defensemen with 17 speed
Puck Handling – Hamilton has a center and defender at 20 and 3 forwards at 18; Buffalo has 3 forwards at 19 and a defenseman at 18.
Checking – every player on Buffalo has at lest 14 checking but NMT 18. Most players on Hamilton have 17 checking, with a few exceptions (Aaron Wilson, Michael Scarn, and Dick Clapper)
Just from these three broadstroke comparisons, it looks pretty even! But I think the edge in puckhandling for Hamilton makes them the better roster on this short piece of paper. (119)
b. I think it’s always best to stick to what you know at this point in a season. There might be some temptations to run different strategies, especially for the Stampede since they only managed to beat the Steelhawks once this season in overtime. But the Stampede can’t forget that those games were in the regular season, and this is the postseason. While everything else – the pressure, scenery, stakes – has changed, their game must be true to themselves. (78)
c. It’s painfully obvious to every Midwesterner that Lake Michigan is the best lake of all the great lakes. On one coast, you have beautiful Kenosha, with the highest concentration of dirt particles in the air of any Wisconsin city – including Milwaukee, which is still on the coast of Lake Michigan, just 30 miles north. Just below Kenosha is Chicago, and the Lake Michigan beaches there force people to buy $10,000/month condos just to look at all the people pissing in it all day. On the other side, you have the much more scenic Holland, Michigan, home to some sick windmills and amazing landscape. The erosion from the west-to-east winds have made the beaches on my side covered with glass, and the beaches on that side lead into beautiful rolling hills. It’s the greatest lake! (135)
d. Well this isn’t a hard question for me – the answer is Faelax. We already took some socially distanced precautions earlier this year, when myself, him, Sve7en, and AgentSmith all attended a disc golf tournament. It was a really fun time. If I have to pick somebody else, it’d still be on Buffalo – Baelor Swift. We’ve talked a little bit over the years, and we’re interested in some of the same things. I’m always interested in the work he’s been doing with the Peace Corps and other organizations, and I think it’d be cool to sit back and shoot the shit for a while. He also deserves way more props on the ‘all-time user’ list that RED propositioned, and we’d talk about that over some blunts as well. (128)


Verification word: champion