1. Otis B. Driftwood had a good year by many different standards this past season. His role at this point in his career is largely that of a defensive specialist for the otherwise offensively stacked Calgary Dragons. Otis has never cared that much for his own individual stats, especially as concerns goals and assists. He takes a lot more pride in his plus minus and on off numbers as indicators of defensive responsibility. He does take an almost perverse joy in racking up hits, but it’s understandable given his commitment to physical play.

Otis did manage to rack up some extremely impressive numbers this year off the ice. He averaged 8.7 martinis a day for the entirety of the season. He also managed to smoke a minimum of four El Cheapo stogies a day. He bedded thirty seven women, three guys and one manatee that he remembers.

Overall it’s been another solid season for the defensive stalwart, raconteur and indefatigable cocksman. Life is good and so is Otis.

6. When presented with a query such as, “Which SHL or SMJHL team was the best team to not make the finals this season and why” the answer is glaringly obvious. The Calgary Dragons are by definition the best team in the SHL. Therefore any year that they fail to make the finals they are the best team in that situation. Calgary has the best GM in SHL history by every metric in Esa Anrikkanen. We have the best goalie in the league in the incomparable Kata Vilde. We have the coolest player in the league by far in the form of that groovy cat that always knows where his towel is at, Otis B. Driftwood . We have the Parm Pigeon, that fat and lovable parm eating, tangentially cannibilistic avian. Add to that illustrious list the talents of Maxine Bouchard, Barry Batsbak, Brendan Kennedy Jr et al and there can be no debate. The Calgary Dragons rule and everyone else are stinky poop heads