Forget goals, points, and corsi, because this mid-season showdown is a face off of the all-Name teams. Teams are solely picked by the scrabble score of their player names, with the only stipulation being that each starting roster features 3 forwards, 2 D, one goalie, and players that have played every/most games of the SHL season.
 
Unfortunately the index cuts off some of the longer names but our teams are:

East
F - Mitchel van der Heijden (43)
F - Kalevolaripaavo Kaspertom (39)
F - Jakub Bruchevski (37)
D - Zlatan Ibrahimovic Jr (47)
D - Sven Yxskaft (31)
G – Samat Beibitzhanov (38)
 
Honorable mentions: LPLL (sadly didn’t make the list cause the index cut off half his name), Gudmundur Kristjansson, Martijn Westbroek, Piotr Czerkawski
 
West
F - Jimmy Slothface (36)
F - Nicky Pedersen Jr (34)
F - Maxime Bouchard (33)
D - Oliver Klozoff (35)
D - Karlstrasse Scholz (35)
G – Geezus Kryyst (32)
 
Honorable mentions: Simothy Drunkebird, Brennan Kennedy Jr, Satoshi Zizagooney, Frederick Wanesly
 
Breakdown
At a first glance, while the east team has bigger names (literally) the west team has the skill advantage in the actual matchup here. With an average team TPE of 1422, the West has a 150 TPE advantage compared to the East, at 1267 TPE. The Eastern team is led by a trio of young NEW players, while the West has a huge trio of Slothface, Scholz, and Bouchard. The west skaters have an average stat line of 13.6G, 26.2A, 29.8P thus far on the season, compared to the East’s team line of 12.6G, 16.8A, 29.4P. The east could’ve benefitted greatly if some of their honorable mentions like Westbroek or Czerkawski through an extra letter or two into their name and made the team, but the same could be said about Kennedy Jr. on the west’s bench. I was going to compare more stats between the two teams, but it seems pretty clear that the West wins the All-Name game of S57.