Hockey Talk Tonight


I think it’s easiest when considering this question to break up the 18 teams into a few tiers in reverse order, so we can get to the final battle in succinct fashion:

F Tier: Not even a thing that can fight – North Stars, Aurora, Specters
The Specters are iffy on this tier – say what you want about whether ghosts could leave lasting damage. In my opinion they aren’t winning a fight with just general ghostly torment, that isn’t fair.

D Tier: Barracuda, Monarchs
The Barracuda are only surviving in the water, so they’re kind of out. Monarchs are not getting involved in a fight.

C Tier: Platoon
Eagles can take down one wolf at a time, sure. But they’re run by absolute chaos despite their namesake, so I don’t trust them to actually win anything.

B Tier: Pride, Panthers, Blizzard, Wolfpack, Stampede, Rage
All the big animals that don’t have a scary elemental attached to them.

A Tier: Inferno, Steelhawks, Dragons
The big animals that DO have a scary elemental attached to them. And fucking dragons.

S Tier: Syndicate, Argonauts, Renegades
Uh … weapons. And organization. Can’t be beat, here – even by Dragons. Bet.


I think with how forward the SHL is about being inclusive and having initiatives related to social justice, we could attract a slightly larger audience than the NHL traditionally does. I picture Chicago rappers like Kanye West and Common jumping on to the Syndicate bandwagon pretty easily, between their branding and the size of a hockey following the city already has. Also, since Boston Connor of the Pat McAfee show is always looking for more New England things to become a fan of, he could be a Wolfpack superfan with relative ease. As for my team, the LA Panthers, I think we’d do a good job welcoming any actor, comedian, or writer in the area with our sick uniforms and promotional nights. Maybe we could get more of the east coast transplants, like Joe Rogan and his crew, to come out to our games? Dunno how PC that would be in general, but I think it’d be worth a try because they obviously like sports.


b. Without a doubt, the Renegades have the bigger chip on their shoulder. I suppose you could make the argument the opposite way since Buffalo is favored, but Texas was on VERY few people’s radars to get to the Challenge Cup. There were so many storylines around Buffalo’s division that it seems that everyone else – LITERALLY every other team by name unless you were in the Great Lakes – was somehow forgotten about. So now that they’re here, they have to make some noise.

d. I’d personally prefer to hang out in Buffalo. The pace would be slightly slower than what I’ve heard about hanging out in Dallas (I prefer my highways to stop growing at 3 lanes each way, thank you very much). I’d stop for some classic buffalo wings, try to get in to a Blue Jays game since that’s a fairly important aspect of MLB history that we can witness right now. There might not be that much going on besides those things, but I imagine it’s a cool city to explore.


Verification Word: Hooray


I’m sorry to say that if I had to eat an SHL player, it’d be my teammate Jimmy Wagner. I’m making a few assumptions with this prompt: most importantly, that if nutrition is that dire, we weren’t scheduled to play any games for at least a few seasons. That’d allow someone else to cover the TPE loss we would take by me consuming Jimmy. It’s been clear my entire time in the LAP locker room that, even though we’re all professional simulation hockey players, it’s Wagner who holds himself to an upper echelon when it comes to what he puts in his body. You are what you eat, so it’s pretty basic math from that consideration forward.


+1 from Milestones