1. Some bright spots to my second season in the SHL include getting more points than I had before, mostly thanks to my new line mate Jack Kanoff that Buffalo acquired halfway through the season. And thank the lord, because I was absolutely lost in the sauce before he showed up. I had like 9 points in 30 games or something. Another bright spot is the fact that I lead the league in playoff scoring at the end of the first (or second maybe?) round. I absolutely disappeared against Hamilton, but I have been known as a playoff choker, so it’s not abnormal for me to disappear when the chips are on the table. Other than that, being once again very close to winning a Challenge Cup is an extremely bright spot in my season so far and I am really excited to hopefully win that thing and bring it home to Serbia and eat Borscht out of it.

3. First of all, I would definitely become Jaska Seppala. Besides the fact that I would suddenly be about four hundred times better than Chimkin Wing is right now, I would also have that beautiful face and that body that just won’t quit. I’d probably get really reckless and do something my original, soupy body wouldn’t be able to do… like a pull up… or run a half mile. I would really enjoy knowing what it feels like to actually be good at the sport of hockey, and actually be considered athletic. Also, I’d definitely strip down in the bathroom and take a gander at what I am working with, as it is probably way more impressive than Chimkin Wing, even though he’s like seven feet tall and wears a size 15 shoe (big feet = big shoes wink wink). But ultimately it would just be the fact that I was actually good at something and respected by my peers, even for like ten minutes. I need this.

4. Lee stinky poo but I like him too
He builds a good team and makes the SHL look a fool
Leaves other teams in a pile of their own stinky poo
Tomen is cool too and he’s a German
Buffalo’s never had to tank like a Sherman
We’re just too good and we can’t be stopped
My rhymes is fly and they can’t be topped
The rest of the league can suck my butt
We are champs and ya mom is [a nice lady]
Hamilton and Chicago a bunch of haters
We smashin everybody, leavin craters
You can't stop us we won it all
Other teams can't top us we will not fall

5. The whole point of the SMJHL is that it is a development team and is put in place to give the rookies who aren’t yet at a high enough TPE to play meaningful games in the SHL something to do. To take away their playoffs would be a detriment to a lot of their experiences, especially those brand new to the website. I know that if I was brand new and joined toward the end of the season, signed with a team, and they didn’t make the playoffs, I’d get bored real quick. “Hey welcome, thanks for joining. The team you signed with didn’t make the playoffs so sit around and do nothing for a couple weeks.” I’d be thinking, “well this league is boring as shit.” I always have seen the SMJHL as development first, winning second.

15. Verification word: sweg

16. Honestly, since Luke is the 1%, it’s actually pretty difficult to wow the man. He’s used to taking his private jet down the street to the Michelin Star Restaurant because he can’t be bothered to drive himself, and his useless driver called in sick that day. Basically I’d have to bring him to one of the seven wonders of the world to really impress him. Maybe the pyramids in Egypt, but I think he may have actually bought one of those and had it brought by helicopter to the back yard of one of his twelve mansions, so I don’t know if even that would work.