Total 16 TPE claimed

1. Despite catastrophic product endorsements, both real and fraudulent, and various twitter trolling that occurred this season, Artemius Nystrom still found this year to have been a good one. Over the course of the all-star break, he'd taken a Miami vacation with the other unchosen Raptors. There, he'd met one Eleanor Kowalewski, a local young lady who barely knew what ice hockey was. Nevertheless, the two had hit it off. They'd been in constant communication since the break ended, and she'd come to Denver to visit him after the playoffs concluded. While there was some concern about her ability to handle future visits to Edmonton, she wanted to make it work. So did Nystrom, of course. Eleanor was a folk singer with a slightly raspy mezzo-soprano tembre, and time seemed to stop when she sang. If he ever lay awake at night and wondered if this year's trials had been worth it, for her face alone, he could conclude that it was. (161 words) 3 TPE

4. 3 TPE
About to spit nonsense for fake hockey bucks,
the Alberta rednecks all rev up their trucks,
we're coming to roast you just like some lame ducks,
the fans wearing Red-Black just stand there awestruck,
the Blue and the Silver don't need your good luck,
boomboxes and kid bands all play Thunderstruck,
when the Edmonton wingers streak in, rip those pucks
forever reminding that C.G.Y. SUX,
they'll always remember that E.D.M. FUX!


12. 4 TPE 

1. Buffalo is fine. Buffalo deserves to have something good happen to them for once in a while, even if it's in a sim league. Chicago being in the finals, especially over Edmonton, is inexcusable. The Edmonton Blizzard are obviously the best team in the league, the officials rigged all the games they lost, and they should be in the finals to sweep Buffalo if there were any justice in this world.
   
2. Clearly the continued dominance of Buffalo is far more impressive than a Chicago team that's been around for 15 years being allegedly-good twice. Not being good at least a couple of times in the 15 year history of a franchise would some Columbus Blue Jackets shenanigans. I'm gonna go drink now. Fuck you Doug MacLean.
   
3. The Calgary Dragons logo is almost as offensive as Kelowna's goal song. Why is it in the exact same contourné pose as the Blizzard's noble arctic fox? Why is it red and black instead of incorporating at least some gold or blue or something at least a little interesting? EDMFUX remove dragon remove dragon you are the lizard stink you are the lizard smell return to Red Deer.
   
4. Martijn Westbroek has an elite Dutch name and has been an elite forward in the league for a long time. He's a huge part of Chicago's success and drives their team to be excellent year in and year out. And, again, his name is absolute top tier. Creme de la creme. Textbook top cheese. Het beste.
   

15. Trivia verification word KEKW: 3 TPE claimed

17. Milestones claimed, winger: 3 TPE

• at least 22 goals (23)
  
• +/- at least 17 (17)
  
• at least 112 hits (124)