15. Trivia Codeword: Proudmoore (+3)

16. Alright, so I got this money and now I need to treat my main man Luke out to a nice date night. First of all, we’re going to the finest restaurant that money can buy, which knowing my standards is probably Chipotle. Yes, I will pay for guacamole, Luke deserves it. After the dinner and then subsequent bathroom trip from it, we’re going on a nice trip on the boardwalk where we can walk and hold hands while staring at the moon. Afterwards if the mood is right, we can go to the beach, lie down on our matching unicorn blankets, and snuggle while falling asleep to the sound of ocean waves. (+2)

17. Milestones (+3)

5. With expansion on the horizon I’d like to see the tradition kept of giving every team a shot to make a run for the cup when playoffs come around. The draft picks would still sort out fairly similar with lower ranked teams probably bowing out early and still getting that top draft pick they desire. That being said, as the first line right winger of Team Chaos, I want to see the top of the league get destroyed by a ragtag bunch of bots and IA goons, the elite max earning re-creates go up against Buttfart McPoopington (who wears #69 of course) as he stonewalls them in a 7 game series to send the league into shock as we probably yell at Corey for no reason in Newfoundland. (+2)

1. Well, the whole situation with the Xenomorph eggs probably wasn’t a good look for Evgeni Petrov, and due to the pending lawsuits against him from every country in the world (except Iceland), I don’t think that’s going to be over with anytime soon. I would say the worst thing that actually happened to Evgeni Petrov this season is that his human parents both got arrested for partaking in some weird cult ritual called “Peloton” and are currently being held in Vologodskiy Pyatak prison in Russia for further questioning. So while their chances of escaping are slim to literally impossible, human siblings have come to Newfoundland to hang out with Evgeni Petrov which is cool but also annoying because I no longer have my own apartment and it’s annoying. There are some great highs this season that went on off the rink to boost my morale. Evgeni finally got a girlfriend! Yes, she’s a polar bear, like an actual polar bear, but they love each other very much and are honestly the most adorable couple ever. (+3)

2. There are two pokemon that I need to catch assuming every SHL user/player is now eligible. First on the list will be catching the legendary Beeg Yoshi. Beeg Yoshi is a dual Rock/Dark type Pokemon that is known for being insanely strong and durable, and mostly Beeg. A legendary Pokemon so the catch rate is insanely low but I feel confident enough in my ability to bring it in. The next Pokemon on the list will be catching the rare and hard to find Ty. Ty is a dog type Pokemon known for its signature two moves “Sad” and “I Dimbi”. Those two moves are the single most unique moves in Pokemon history, as Ty is the only one capable of knowing both. In order to catch a Ty, you must first place a trap on the ground and put bait in it. The only bait known to bring Ty out is placing a laptop with League of Legends. Once Ty sits down at the laptop, the cry of “sad” will be your cue to throw the Pokeball. He won’t resist he’s too sad and just like that you have a Ty. (+3)

Total TPE: 16