I would take the pink pill. I would then be the only talented person in the entire world who has the fame of a Korean pop star, therefore the only person deserving of that level of admiration. Cooing fans will fawn over my physicality on the ice. People will post responses to all celebrity tweets with videos of my escapades which will garner millions of views across social media. Every celebrity death announcement will be met with a sea of quote tweets proclaiming "sksksksksk stream Wolfpack games." In the offseason I will go on stadium tours where I sell out one hundred thousand seat arenas just to give ten minute interviews to bored reporters while refusing to answer any and all fan questions from the audience. Body pillows with the likeness of Donald Trump Jr. will adorn the beds of every man, woman, and child (of age) in America. The mere presence of Junior in a city will bring the denizens to tears as they become overwhelmed with my presence.

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