The red pill is perfect for the not so physical defenceman who wants the edge speed wise but also a little more protection on the ice. Already known for his speed, Adrik will have the added 'bonus' of shitting his pants at least once per game. Who is going to try and stop him from coming down the ice on a power play if there is the risk that the slightest touch is going to send a fountain of shit firing out of his cornhole. It'd be like he's all alone out there on the ice, and he mostly will be because Adrik would lean into it hard. Hard boiled eggs for breakfast, sourkraut for lunch and all the beans he can eat for dinner. But after a single game, under threats from both his teammates and the league as a whole, Adrik would never use it again but for that one glorious game, he would be known to everyone as the Russian farting flash.

165 words.