CW TPE: 16/16


dog


+3 TPE - S68 SMJHL Milestones


The Newfoundland Berserkers marketing department has come into a huge windfall, as the heir to the Mary Brown's fortune has decided to bankroll an animated feature film about the Berserkers' new mascot - Toot the Viking Dog. Rumour has it that the Mary Brown's heiress (Marie Brown) is a huge fan of Toot the Viking Dog, and intends to make Toot the most famous mascot in the world of sports. The Berserkers marketing team is hard at work finalizing the details, and it sounds like it is going to be a real smash hit. Titled "Toot and Tummy go to Mary Brown's", the movie not only features Toot's canine glory, but also Tummy Hurts, starring in the role of Toot's best friend. Voicing their own characters, Toot and Tummy Hurts will be making their acting debuts in this film. From what we know of the plot, it seems Tummy will find out about Toot's longstanding desire to escape from the Mary Brown's Centre and make it to Mary Brown's itself, to try some of that sweet chicken - including the famous Big Mary sandwich. Tummy, always in tune with his tummy, takes on this important task, and sneaks Toot out of the arena and heads out to Mary Brown's. What kind of wacky hijinks will these two get up to?


Moving forward, the Simulation Hockey League is changing course - while the teams and rosters will stay the same, the league will now become a cooking contest. With this change, there is little doubt the Newfoundland Berserkers will be favourites to establish a Simulation Major Junior Cooking Contest dynasty, with many qualified cooks, bakers, and chefs resident in the Berserkers locker room. Whether it be their penchant for cooking picture perfect ketchup pasta, exquisite sourdough with quirkily named starters (like President Jimmy Starter), rice cooked to perfection whether with or without a rice cooker, Byrde's famous Newfoundland moose jerky, or outrageous volumes of cheerios with milk, the Newfoundland Berserkers locker room is a veritable gold mine of delicious food and drink. If the Simulation Hockey League were turned into a cooking competition, there is little doubt the Berserkers would remain the finest pipeline into the major leagues. You might even think the competition was rigged.


T ummy
U sually
M unches
M any
Y ummy
H ams
U ntil
R epulsive
T orment
S tarts


The Seattle Argonauts have won the Challenge Cup! In terms of the Challenge Cup finals, they pretty much went as expected. The Argonauts were a dominant team this year, topping the regular season standings with an astounding 111 points. The Manhattan Rage were always underdogs coming into this series, with the only surprise really being that they managed to push the Argonauts to a decisive seventh game. The cinderella run to the finals, nearly ending with a Challenge Cup, was really the only major surprise in my opinion, so the playoffs went largely as expected. Somewhat boring for those looking for upsets, but at least somewhat reassuring from a sim perspective that the hard work these regular season favourites put in paid off when it mattered.