I have an extensive list of demands for my next contract and I am quite happy that the management of the Philadelphia Forge are willing to listen to me. This list is not exhaustive and I reserve the right to add or subtract from it in the future even after the contract has been signed by all sides.

At least once a month while in season, Ricky Koivu has to dress up in a gnome outfit and dab in the middle of the locker room to hype the team up.
Red Kirkby has to cook a team dinner featuring a Featloaf at least once a season while the contract is in effect.
Nibbles the Squirrel's stall needs to be away from mine because he nibbles on the sides of my cards.
Graj Virrok's salary will be doubled as long as he leads the team in blocked shots (thank you)
Antonio Flusso's stall must by by Nibbles' because I can't have that much hair product around my cards.
San-sam Emerson and Lenny Hawk are required to pull me out of any fires I jump into whether in Valheim or on the ice in scrums.
Hans Graf is not allowed to use spell check for any team communications
First-Name Last-Name and Scoochie Scranton are not allowed to retire while I'm playing
Lemo Phil must host a team trivia night once every three weeks during a season
Walton Stromberg must redesign the cover of my pack every two seasons
Igor Victory must provide cat pictures at least three times a week in season
Connor Snooks isn't allowed to up his shooting accuracy while this contract is in effect
Evil Allbran must continue running team training while this contract is in effect
The league must acknowledge that Luc Blouin was snubbed from MVP nomination last season (unsure how to enforce this)
Our GM Kale has to provide puppy pictures three times a week

And that's about it for now...

325 words
whoops