One thing that Pork Tenderloin must absolutely have written into his contract is that after each game there must be a salt water tank sitting in the locker room for him to brine in after each game completes. See, being a lumbering, walking hunk of meat, Tenderloin needs to go soak for AT LEAST 3 hours after every game or the muscle fibers of which he is comprised will tense up and require multiple days worth of massaging and tenderizing in order to get him back in working order. The salt water will soak and allow him to brine, leeching out all of the lactic acid that's built up inside him and allowing his muscles to actually relax after a few hours of strenuous exertion playing a hockey game. This is something that he would require after every game, and thus having it written into his contract that it must be available is something that he would require before signing.