Jølñgüštrâädæviñçh DuBølk has very few demands, but they are important demands for any team to follow. The demands are as such:

1. Jølñgüštrâädæviñçh DuBølk will be referred to as Jølñgüštrâädæviñçh DuBølk at all times. He is not to be compared to the late Jöörgüštrâäd DuBølk at all. Any similarities are coincidental and anyone that says he is Jöörgüštrâäd DuBølk shall be escorted off the premises.

2. All teammates and coaches must pay a visit to DuBølkLand at least once a season in his backyard (visiting more times will be appreciated). All attendees will be provided a free ice cream sandwich with the purchase of a season pass (while supplies last).

3. There will be a full-height mirror in front of DuBølk's locker, where he will stare at his own reflection in the empty room for at least 35 minutes. Any disruptions are punishable by fines and will be enforced by the SHLPA

4. Full no-trade clause for the first 5 seasons of the contract