17. Feedback (260~ words)

I really enjoy the changes to the CW, from what I remember in the past, having to do the math to squeeze out maximum points meant taking some prompts that I found it hard to write about, or didn't necessarily even care about. While I always appreciated that the writers/hosts/PT people tried to keep CW entertaining, I didn't exactly keep up on a lot of the league goings-on or "drama", so like in S54, having a prompt to write about Andrei's missing brother... I have no idea what that was about, or how to even approach it. Some of them in the past were also conditional, prompts available to teams that didn't make it to the playoffs, or prompts only for teams there were in the playoffs, podcast or graphics prompts... Which is great if you're making that kind of content already, but if you're not, that leaves you an even slimmer number of tasks to pick from. While it's not a requirement to feel engaged about every topic you write about, it definitely does help, otherwise you just feel like you're shitting out a word salad trying to reach an arbitrary 150 word goal about what slogan you would put on a billboard in one of the losing team's cities. The new topics are more general and there's plenty to pick from, and there are also still graphics topics for people who would prefer to do those. Rolling the end of season milestone stat bonuses into the CW is also a nice change.

3. Secret Plans (310~ words)

Darnell is going to go full Jon Wolf mode, committing acts across the league which are technically not illegal, but definitely pointless and disruptive. Stuff like going to opposing stadiums and opening up wifi hotspots with the same name as the existing wifi to confuse players and visiting family members. Technically not a crime, but it's definitely gonna mess a few people up. He'll go to other teams barns and offer to take pictures of people with opposing players, but count down from 10 before taking the picture to throw them off their game. Sinister. Dastardly. But the worst part? It's not even illegal. You're allowed to count down from whatever number you want and there's nothing, legally speaking, anyone else can do about it. Have you ever heard of a treadmill? Well Darnell is going to replace the treadmills in the team athletic facility with breadmills, which are treadmills with tracks made out of bread. It's much softer to run on, but it gets destroyed very quickly. Inefficient and wasteful, but I dare anyone to tell me it's illegal. This one is borderline - sneaking into other teams locker rooms and unrolling and rerolling their spools of tape a few times so that it becomes slightly less sticky. It probably won't even make much of a difference but it's a very subtle and very minor way to inconvenience a team and perfectly legal. Similarly, every time he visits and opposition barn, he slightly increases the audio frequency of the home team's goal buzzer. It's so subtle that you probably couldn't even notice it if you tried, but it's certain to throw off some of the opposing players, especially if they have sensitive hearing or are part dog. It's way easier to just troll the opposition in so many subtle ways, and I can't stress enough that none of this is actually illegal.

4. Funtimes (310~ words)

Two words: Mandatory factory job. Nothing builds team spirit like working together on an assembly line in an unfamiliar location. Bring your hardhats, ear protection and steel toed boots because buddy, the Timber are getting forklift certified and rustling up a good time down in Gary Indiana. Statistically speaking the likelihood of any serious injury is incredibly low, so long as hi-vis vests are worn at all times, and OSHA standards are followed. There's nothing like punching the clock at 8:00 AM and assembling on the production floor for a meeting delivered in alternating rounds of English and Spanish, then punching back out at noon so everyone can disperse for 30 minutes and go to number of the numerous gas stations for a nutritious hotdog and slurpee lunch. Not only will the team be able to learn a valuable skill (such as forklift certification) but they'll also learn how to communicate with one another using non-verbal signs such as the shrug, head scratch or the head tilt, because I truly cannot stress enough how loud the interior of a factory is on the production floor. There's a reason everyone's always screaming on Dirty Jobs, and it's not because the crew forgot to bring a boom mic that day. Working in an active factory also imparts the necessity of working as a team to accomplish the same goal, be it slapping a puck into a net or slapping a manufactured good into a box, or a pallet laden with industrial materials onto the back of an 18 wheeler. It's also a great way to remind some of these superstar millionaire divas that we're all just cogs in a greater machine, and we all have to play our parts for stuff to work. Just like you don't want someone slacking on a quality control check, you don't want your center slacking on the backcheck.