The Detroit Falcons will win the cup this season because everyone is going to have a child, and therefore channel the unleashed dad power of the collective dad squad. Team uniforms will be changed to a tucked polo shirt - your choice of solid colour - jean shorts, crew socks and New Balances 642s. No exceptions. Even better if you spend your locker room time talking about smoking meats, which lawn fertilizer is best, and how to keep the driveway clear of snow in the winter. None shall be able to withstand the combined sheer power of the daddery that is the Detroit Falcons old and boomer locker room. Every other team will have to succumb to succulent smoked bacon and then they shall all be in a food coma, lying on the ice with the meat sweats from delicious protein that we give to them.

Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels.