Option 1

My team will win the cup this season in the only way anyone can. We will score more goals than the other team in a higher percentage of our games than any other team in the league. By outscoring our opponents we will be the winner of the game. Winning games provides us with points and the points are used for seeding in the playoffs. As the winning team in the most games we will have the most points and therefore be the number one seed in our conference. This will ensure home ice advantage throughout the playoffs which is advantageous. In the playoffs, we will win by defeating our opponents in the requisite number of games for each round before they do. This strategy (winning the required amount of games before our opponent can) will be used in the final as well.

This prompt seemed kind of silly, there's only one answer here.

A man walked into a bar... ouch!

Something something bloodsport.